A letter to the Goddess of Pregnancy

Dear Miss Goddess,
Hello. My name is Loni and I am sure you are familiar with my work. Actually, I am pretty sure I am a running joke in Goddess land at this point. I don't like to bitch (ok, who are we kidding here? I could go to Beijing next month and win the gold, silver, AND bronze medal in the sport of bitching). I do, however, have a few requests for you.
First, could we please put a stop to the endless puking? Pretty please? I feel I was pretty reasonable about it the first pregnancy. Sure, there was the time I cursed you for making me lose my strawberries into a plastic bag as I was driving down the street, but come on! That was a little dramatic wasn't it? I will admit that with the second pregnancy I was a little less forgiving with the situation. It was just very frustrating to have a three year old outside the bathroom door making gagging noises so everyone knew just how funny it was that mommy had to sprint to the bathroom every morning. Ha ha, what a funny, funny joke. But now, twenty-one weeks into my third pregnancy and still with the hurling?!?! I have now puked my way through two pregnancies right up to and including the actual pushing out of the babies. Can I get a break please? Just once I would like to get up out of bed, rub my ever expanding tummy, and not immediately retch like a dying animal. Just once.
My next piece of business is this "pregnancy glow" everyone talks about. I would like to know where mine might be. I do glow I guess, but it is more of a green hue then the nice, soft pink I expected. Maybe I do glow but can't see it through all this teenage-like acne I got goin' on here. I have break outs a sixteen year old would shudder at the sight of. Anyway, if you could just let me have a partial glow, or a hint of glow, anything.....I would appreciate it.
Finally, and again, I don't mean to bitch, but let's talk about these mood swings. Oh. My. God. I was flipping through the channels last week and Natalie wanted to stop at this "So You Think You Can Dance" program. I don't watch that show at all. It just doesn't capture my interest the same way, oh I don't know, watching Tori Spelling be a complete nut job on the Oxygen network does (and is it good that I see so much of myself in her?). So anyway, we were watching this couple fling their arms about and jump around the room like toddlers and I started crying. Crying full on tears. I don't even know why. I didn't find the dance all that moving, or even pretty. But there I was with tears running down onto the neck of my t-shirt. It was embarrassing even though no one actually noticed (which is another topic entirely). Why must I cry for absolutely no reason? I know, I know, the hormones and all that. But if I could just be on an even keel for a little while my life, not to mention the lives of my husband and children, would be a lot less crazy.
These are just some things to think about for the last half of my final pregnancy. I sure would like a chance to actually enjoy making a little person, like that mom on the cover of "What to Expect When You're Expecting". She looks so happy and serene with not a hint of a puke stain on her shirt or a blemish on her tear-free face. I really kind of hate that woman. Anyway, thanks for at least considering my requests. Here is to a happy pregnancy and easy delivery!!
Loni