A much needed blog rant

Last Tuesday I told Larry I had a doctor's appointment this Tuesday. "I'll watch the girls," he said. I reminded him that my doctor's office sucks ass (sorry for the language, but there is just no other way to describe it) and that it could take a while. He assured me it was ok and that he could handle it. I then reminded him that our children could, once in a while, act like cute, yet evil spawns of the devil and that taking them to work with him was a risk akin to taking the proverbial bull into the proverbial china shop. He again assured me he could do it. I reluctantly said alright, figuring that I had used all my other babysitting options up for a while anyway. But I had NO IDEA that it was going to go the way it did. Honey, if you are reading this, I am sorry and I will completely understand the next time I ask you to watch the girls if you mysteriously disappear for a few days.

The day started out well. The doctor's office called me bright and early to tell me that the doctor had to go to a delivery that morning and would be late into the office and could we push back my appointment an hour. Fine by me, just one more reason to put off my shower and sit on the couch like the puking lump I usually am in the mornings. Then, not long after the initial call, I received another call that the doctor was on her way back already and could I come in NOW? Ummmm, no. Unless you want a slimy, smelly, overall disgusting pregnant woman running off all your other patients. We decided that I would be there at 10:45. Totally doable for me, but I asked if I for sure would be seen then. The receptionist assured me that although the schedule had been shuffled many times already that morning that 10:45 would be my time and it wouldn't be a problem. So I reluctantly hopped in the shower, got the kiddos and all their various junk rounded up and we headed to Daddy's work. Natalie asked about a million times how long this would all take and if I had my cell phone with me in case she really, really needed to talk to me. After telling her it shouldn't take that long and promising I would keep my phone with me at all times, I dropped them off.

I got to the office and the first thing I did after checking in was ask how long it might be. Every time I have been to this office I have had to wait for at least an hour. It is maddening and there has been more than once that I would have walked out if it weren't for the horribleness of this pregnancy and the overwhelming worry that I have ALL THE TIME. The receptionist made a point of showing me the patients folders waiting in the doctor's cubby and told me that, "See, there are only two before you. Shouldn't be long at all!" Lying bitch (sorry again). I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. I went back up to the desk after an hour (11:45) and asked if it might be any time soon. "Oh, your next! It should be any time now!" At that point I had an urge to punch Miss Enthusiastic Receptionist right in the face, but instead I went and sat back down with my National Geographic Traveler and continued to look at pictures of Peru...or Panama...or Portugal. Whatever. It was not long after that my cell phone rang and before I even looked at it I knew who it would be. I answered and the first thing Larry said was, "Are you on your way back yet?!" I could hear children screaming in the background and I could hear the frustration in my husband's voice. I told him I hadn't even been seen yet and we both hung up frustrated and angry. I looked at my phone....12 freaking 15. I had been sitting in that waiting room for an hour and a half. I began pacing around the now empty waiting room. It was about that time that my anger began pouring out of my eye sockets in the form of tears. What can I say? I'm pregnant. I cry.

So, I finally was called back and the nurse took my blood pressure (surprisingly normal) and asked if I had any concerns. I'm sure the way I looked at her at that point was a little less than nicely, but I just shook my head and she said it shouldn't be long. Second lying bitch! I sat there and could hear the nurses and various staff outside my door laughing and ordering lunch. I just kept getting more and more angry. I was full-on crying at that point, but was determined that I would regain my composure and be ready to tell the doctor exactly what I thought when she got to my room. Again, after a lengthy wait, the doctor came in. I had a whole speech ready for her, but when she asked how I was I just teared up and couldn't talk. "Fine." Even though I am totally not fine. I am not fine with the length of time I just spent waiting. I am not fine with how I have been feeling now for 32 weeks. I am not fine with the fact that two weeks ago you all told me my urine looked "great" and then a few days later I was laying in the hospital hooked up to an IV dehydrated and with a horrible Urinary Tract Infection. I am not fine that when I told you I thought I had one and you thought I didn't that the nurse said she would send off my pee for testing and then it somehow got dumped out before that happened! I AM SO TOTALLY NOT FINE!!! Yet all I could choke out was that I was fine. She measured my stomach, heard baby girl's heartbeat, and had me sign my tubal ligation papers. When she said she would see me again in two weeks I honestly began crying and asked her if I had to come back then. She finally saw that I was a little upset and told me three weeks would be fine. I made my next appointment while furiously wiping my dripping eyes and nose with an already soaked Kleenex and left. Before I got to my car I was audibly sobbing. It was then almost 1:30.

I am so beyond frustrated with the whole situation. Not only at the doctor's office, but with myself. I didn't handle it the way I would have liked at all. And the kicker is that I let it all affect my visit. I didn't even ask the myriad of questions I had, let alone get any answers. And now I don't go back for another three weeks. That is an extra week to worry and obsess, something I am an expert at. I really do love my doctor. She is so nice and funny and when I DO ask a question she answers it with compassion and any extra knowledge she can provide. But seriously. I was ready to find a new doctor yesterday. I figure that would be pretty hard at 32 weeks pregnant, so I'm not going to. But I will totally have a plan for the next visit. And I won't cry. Maybe.