Coffee table-1, Vanessa-0

What do you get when a still wobbly walker trips over a plastic barn too close to the coffee table?

And yet she forgets she has to brush her teeth everyday....

About a month ago we were stuck in traffic at Kellogg and Rock here in Wichita. Since the advertising powers that be know without a doubt that each and every car that drives through that intersection will set though no less than 3 red lights, they installed one of those enormous billboards. It is not just any billboard, it is a high-tech tv-like sign that changes it's ad every 10 seconds. Since we were sitting there, not going anywhere, Natalie was watching the sign change. I wasn't paying it any attention because I was too busy staring at the light willing it to change to green and stay green long enough for us to get through. All of a sudden, from the backseat, I heard,
"MOM!! LOOK!! SESAMEET LIVE IS COMING!! IT REALLY IS!!"
It was if she had just won the kid lottery. I looked back at her and she was beaming. I'm serious, if she smiled any bigger her mouth would have fused with her ears.
I love Sesame Street. I watched it as a kid and I have encouraged Nat to watch it since before she was even old enough to care. We have been to two Sesame Street Lives so far and have enjoyed them both. But this year I really could have cared less if we saw a 7-foot yellow bird dancing and singing or not. So we didn't talk about it with Natalie again. Larry and I discussed it, and never ruled it out. We just weren't going to encourage it.
I knew it was coming this weekend, but Natalie hadn't said anything since we saw the sign so I figured we might just get to skip this one. But today, on the way to gymnastics I heard this sweet little "I'm an angel, now fork over all your loot" voice coming from my daughter.
"Mama, I remember that Sesameet Live sign."
This she remembers. She can't remember to be quiet for ten minutes while Vanessa is sleeping without being reminded. She can't remember that she already had the last cookie two minutes ago and there aren't any more. She can't remember that she really did need to go potty before dance class. But a sign for giant puppets LIVE from a month ago, that she remembers.
So, a trip to the coliseum box office and $51 later, we are going to "Sesameet Live" (by the way, that is how she has always pronounced it) on Saturday. That is their treat. Our treat is that they are going to spend the night at Nana and Papa's house afterwards. Oh, I mean that's for them to....yeah...that's it.

I'm being a baby today

I'm sorry I haven't been updating much. My computer is so screwed up. I need to get all my pics off and have Larry completely reset it. It takes for-ev-er to do anything on here. I am so sick of it.

I haven't really had a lot to say anyway. Life is back to normal around here...or as normal as it ever was. I'm still glad Larry is home. I am not ready to send him off again anytime soon. We are thinking about some kind of vacation for the two of us, but we still have lots of money/vacation time/what to do with the kids issues to sort out. It is still very much in the dream realm instead of the actually happening one. But, boy, could I use a break from everyday life. I love that I get to stay home with my kids, but it can be VERY tiring and stressful. I am so appreciative that I even have the option of being home. So many people have to go out and work and I know so many of them who just want to stay with their kiddos. I also know moms who like the fact that they work because it is actually a bit of an escape. That sounds worse than I mean it to. My attitude right now may stem from the fact that I have a very sassy 4-year-old and a very whiny, teething 10-month-old. They constantly need me. Even when I go to bed I have Natalie as close as she can get and Vanessa still wakes up 3-4 times a night for a bottle and to be held. I CANNOT get her to sleep through the night. Every morning I wake up and feel like crying because I am still so damn tired. I just want a little time away. I just want to be able to miss them for awhile.

I have more things to say floating around in my head, but Vanessa is trying to eat Natalie's leap pad and Natalie is having none of it. Great...now they are both crying. I need a nap.

Back from hiatus

With Larry gone to Las Vegas this week I didn't have a lot of time to do much of anything, let alone get on the internet. But now he is back (YAY!!!) and I have a minute to sit down and post.

I can't even express how happy I am to have my husband back home. I missed him more than I thought I would. And it wasn't just about having help with the girls. It was just seeing him and having him there. I felt like everything was off somehow because I didn't have my best friend here with me.

I don't often give him a ton of credit for how much he does help me with our kids, but I will now. Even if it is just keeping one busy while I am handling the other. Bed time was HELL while he was gone. The routine we had flew out the window and was replaced with what can only be described as mass chaos. I would get Vanessa to sleep and then start getting Natalie to go to bed and Vanessa would wake back up. And then the other way around. And then no one would be asleep and mommy would be holding back the tears and silently cussing daddy for being in Vegas having a great time while I was stuck here with two tired, screaming kids. But we somehow got through it. The girls would finally go to sleep and I would pass out until Vanessa would wake up again 30 minutes later. Oh yeah, did I mention that she was teething and sick with a cold this week as well? Yeah. That made it so much harder. I have a new found respect for single moms.

I haven't really had an opportunity to miss him for a long time since we haven't been apart since we, well, since we met basically. It was kind of nice to feel like I was 21 again, missing him when I didn't see him for a day. I reminded me how much I am in love with him. It made me realize that no matter what is going on, I just really want him here with me. So that was good.

He brought home some great souvenirs for us. Natalie and Vanessa both got stuffed bears that are so cute. Apparently Larry made his dad and brothers drive all over UNLV campus to find the bookstore to get me a UNLV t-shirt. You know how obsessed I am with college basketball and he wanted to get me something from the college. Isn't that sweet? He really is a thoughtful guy when it comes to the people he loves. And he sure does love me! He brought home lots of other stuff too. He went overboard, but it definitely proves that he was thinking of us all the time he was out there.

I hadn't totally realized just how much the girls missed Larry until he was home. Natalie was a little slow to welcome him at the airport. She told me later she was tired and scared in front of everyone. But last night when we were all home together she was beside herself with happiness. She just wanted Daddy to play with her ALL the time! She even wanted him to put her to bed which doesn't happen all that often. He just kept assuring her that he was home now. I think she was worried he would leave again. I was talking to her and said that Daddy had to work Friday and then he would be off for the weekend. I thought she was going to have a heart attack. "Daddy is leaving again? How long will he be gone? Do I get to go this time?" It broke my heart hearing how scared she was that Daddy would be gone again. We both told her Daddy wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Hopefully we will be able to go on a family vacation in the future. I know we would all like that. We will just have to see how the money goes and wait for Larry to get some more vacation time. Then I would love to take the fam to Colorado. I love, love, love the mountains!! But for now I am just happy we are all together again!

And this is why you don't let a 4-year-old plan summer vacation.

Natalie: Daddy is going on vacation.
Me: Yep.
Natalie: When are we going on vacation?
Me: This summer. Where do you want to go?
Natalie: Ummm...Noggin.
Me: The TV channel?
Natalie: Well, yeah! There would be lots of stuff to explore.
Me: Yeah, I guess. But what about the mountains? Would you like to see mountains?
Natalie: Maybe one day, and then the next day we can go to the water, and then the next day we can go to a place with eggs.
Me: Eggs?
Natalie: Yes! But not with birds in them because the pets need to eat them.
Me: Pets. Eating eggs? Oooooook.
......................................

Yeah.

So. Here I am. And I'm still not sure what I'm going to write.

I have been hesitant, to say the least, about blogging. All of a sudden I am completely second guessing everything I want to say. It is so wierd. I write this blog knowing people read it. I tell people to read it. I beg people to read it. And then, when I realize people actually read it I totally freak out. I'm telling you, wierd. But I do want to thank those of you who do read this. I really do want you to. I promise. And if it makes you think or inspires a discusion or brings up a good point, well that's just icing on the cake, huh? (mmmmm...icing....) But don't worry. This is not going to turn into some kind of intellectual lecture. It will still be the same pointless drivel that it has always been. And thank god for that!

I am one of those nerds who likes to write rough drafts of my blogs in my head before I actually put finger to key. This usually happens at night when I am putting the girls to bed. I give Vanessa a bottle and the whole time I am thinking of new, inventive ways to call George W. Bush a douchebag the next day (well, I guess that answers the question of if I'm going to start editing my thoughts before blogging). I read Natalie "The Berenstein Bears Go To School" and all the while I am really thinking about how I am going to write something smart and witty when my day has consisted of nothing but poop and whining, (and really can you get any smarter or wittier than when you are talking about poop? I think not.). So you can imagine my inner dialoge the past few nights as I tried to get my kids to sleep. I thought about all kinds of posts I could make to go on with this blog and "make it work" (I love you Tim Gunn!). And I never could come up with anything that seemed appropriate. So I am just sitting and writing. If it seems a bit disjointed or rambling, well, that's me in a nut shell.

So, as Celine Dion once famously warbled "My Blog Will Go On"...or something like that. I invite you to read and comment. Actually, I demand it!!!

I'm sorry

This blog is not worth hurting anyone's feelings. I'm very sorry. And that is that.

100th post...and I'm feeling like a change

I rarely stick with anything for too long. I start out very enthusiastic about my projects and then I lose interest. So my excitement level is high for this, my 100th post.
But then again, I am feeling a little restless! You might have noticed I changed the name of my blog. I still love my two cute girls, but this has evolved into so much more than just an outlet to update on my kids. I wanted something more all-inclusive about me and my life. "Mom on the brink" pretty much covers everything. It just depends on the day what I might be on the brink of. The look of the blog is going to change too, it is just a matter of getting a minute to really think about it.
I am planning on posting my 101st post later today so check back!!

The nerve of some people....seriously

I had a bad day. Natalie gave me grief all day and Vanessa is getting another tooth so she is really whiny. So it was a bad day. And then..................

I had to stop at Dillons on the way home from dinner to get formula. I really, really didn't want to go but I didn't want to worry about running out tonight so I stopped. Now I wish I hadn't. I was standing in the checkout line behind a guy that obviously knew all the people that worked there. He has talking to them and making them run back and get things he forgot. As he was waiting on the sacker girl to get back with his cholesterol free egg noodles he started reading the formula can that was on the conveyor belt. "So, no breast for that baby, huh?" WHAT??? I was so offended that he would talk about my baby or my breast. I just kind of sneered at him and turned back to Natalie. A second later he says to me, and I am not kidding here, "Poor kid, being tortured with that powdered shit." I was so mad. No scratch that. I was livid. Nope, scratch that too. I was effing pissed. I was so mad I could not physically unclentch my jaw. My hands were shaking. I have all kinds of good comebacks for that man now, but at the time I couldn't even form words.
What would possess that man to think he had any right at all to talk to me about the way I take care of my children. Does he know that I tried my hardest to breast feed my kids and that I just simply ran out at about 4 1/2 months? Does he know that even if I wouldn't have tried at all he had NO RIGHT to criticize my mothering ability? Has he ever breast fed a child? Has he ever gone through the agony and guilt of not being able to do exactly what you want for your own kids?
I am a mom. I'm not perfect by any means but I do what's necessary to take care of my babies. I love them, I keep them clean, I keep them healthy, and I keep them fed. The ONLY people on the face of the planet that have ANY say in how I do any of those things are Larry, the pediatrician, and myself. I ask advice from those that I trust, my mom, Larry's mom, my friends. I certainly don't ask wierd, mean men in the check out line at Dillons.

If I was in the mood for a soap opera I would have stayed home and watched "All My Children"

Let me just start by saying: HOLY CRAP!!!
Some people have no sense of decency. Or privacy. Or respect for others. Or common sense (can you have a sense of common sense? oh well...you get the idea).
I went up to city hall today to turn in my fix-it ticket that I got last Wednesday for not knowing my head light was out. There was a line, but it was moving fairly quickly and most everyone was accepting the wait. Except one woman. One crazy, crazy woman. She was doing that "waiting song and dance" consisting of shifting her weight from leg to leg, sighing obnoxiously, and rolling her eyes so often I thought they might just roll right out of her head. We were ALL waiting. It wasn't like she was being treated differently then the rest of us.
I thought her show was over when she finally got up to the window. I was so, so wrong. Apparently the show had just begun. As her ticket was being taken care of her cell phone rang. She answered and what happened next was impossible not to watch. It was like catching one of those surgery shows on tv when you are channel surfing and not wanting to see it but you are physically unable to change. the. channel. It was like that...but worse.
The caller was a male that we all learned 1. stays in her house without paying any bills. 2. was allowed to "lay his hands" on her just last night. and 3. had the audacity to talk to another female today!!!!!!!!! She was yelling and cussing at him right there in front of everyone, absoluetly oblivious to the rest of us watching her and laughing at all the good parts (such as the afformentioned "laying of the hands"). Now, if I would have had my girls with me I would have been PISSED! But Larry was being a sweetie and watching them in the car so I could run in uninhibited. So it really was like a free soap opera. I was two people from the front of the line and I actually caught myself hoping it would take awhile to get up there so I could see how this all played out. I didn't have to worry...it took awhile.
The funniest part of her tirade was that she kept saying "I am not going to put up with this. I am going to hang up NOW!" and then she would continue on. We all began to smirk everytime she said she was done. Because she never was. She left the room STILL reaming the guy. She threatened with all kinds of good one liners that I will now have in my own repertoire. "I am a woman who just don't give a damn." "Males come and go, come and go. You're nothin' special." "Why would that bitch say it if it wasn't true?" (this one got an actual audible laugh from a few of the spectators). "You ain't nothing but a deadbeat ass bullshitter." (my personal fave!), and then out of nowhere she called him, in the meanest voice possible, a "procrastinator"...I'm not quite sure she knew what that word meant because it had nothing to do with anything else she was screaming at him.
She finally left with a super dramatic opening of the door and was gone. Everyone there looked at each other and laughed the laugh of the relieved and embarrased. The guy in front of me turned and said, "at least the time went by fast." So true stranger guy, so true.

Updates!!!

So much has been happening in our lives lately. It's kind of crazy. Life tends to have serious ebbs and flows, huh? It will be mind-numbingly boring for an extended period of time and then, all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. I won't get into everything that has been going on, but I will give you a brief overview.

Wednesday night my sister-in-law had her baby boy. She labored all day and finally had him at 9:42 at night. She allowed me to be in there with her. I NEVER thought that I would want to be that close to a birth that I wasn't directly involved in. But I have to tell you it was one of the most special things I think I have ever been through. One sister-in-law held one leg, I held the other, and her mom was at her head. I have been close with Larry's family for a while, but after the last few weeks I officially feel like a Roat. It's nice. I always wanted a big family with lots of nieces and nephews...and I have it!
Brayden is a cute little baby, and I'm not just saying that! He is going to be SO spoiled by his grandma and grandpa. This is a very special baby to them and you can totally tell how in love they are already. It's kind of like when my mom first saw Natalie and there was immediatley no doubt that she adored that little girl with every bit of her heart. That is what I saw with Lesley's parents when Brayden was born. Special for sure.

Thursday was Larry's birthday. I felt so bad because he worked all day and we really didn't do anything to celebrate at all. Natalie picked out the sweetest card for him(that made me tear up...I'm such a woman) from her and Vanessa and I got him a card also. We tried and tried to figure out something to get him, but all Nat could come up with was a "baseball guy". I'm not sure if she meant a real, breathing human baseball player or a figurine. But he doesn't like baseball anyway so we decided that maybe we could get him a baseball guy some other time. We ended up going the easy route and getting him a gift certificate for Best Buy.

Today was the girls doctor appointments. It was Natalie's 4-year checkup and Vanessa's 9-month. They checked out well and are healthy. Natalie is still holding steady in the 50th percentile for her age in both height and weight. My teeny-tiny Vanessa is around the 10th percentile for her age. She weighs a whopping 16 pounds!! She is just a petite little girl. Natalie had to get shots and she hated it, of course. There were some tears for sure. Vanessa didn't have to get shots, but still screamed like a crazy woman. Damn that doctor for having to measure her head! It sounded like she was being tortured and she kept looking at me like, "do something woman! Can't you SEE what he is doing to me!" But all in all the apointment went well and my girls look great.

There are other things that I could blabber on about, but I think I'm going to go snuggle with Natalie and watch some Backyardigans. I'm not sure who likes those dancing, singing, imagineing animated animals...me or my 4-year-old!!

Getting political on yo asses!!

You might not know this about me, but I am fiercely political. I am passionate about my views. I am also passionate about your views, even if they don't always agree with mine. I would much rather a person have different ideas on the issues then no ideas at all. Unless you are a fan of Bush...I'm just kidding....kind of.
Today is Super Tuesday and by tonight we are going to have a much clearer vision of where our country will be heading. I am excited by this. We are finally going to get some much needed change in our government. There are some candidates that promote more change than others (hello McCain..100 years in Iraq? Seriously? And you think people want that?). Take the democratic ticket for example. It will either be a young black man or a woman. Wow. Doesn't that just give you chills? I am thrilled we are opening up our collective minds and allowing change in. That makes this election important all on it's own.
The other issue making this election so important is that our country is struggling. Our economy is down, people are getting kicked out of their houses right and left, millions are going without enough to eat, kids aren't getting the proper care for their health. Which leads me to one of my key issues, we don't have any kind of universal health care. It has been done, and done well, in other countries that have far less money and resources. So why are we ok with so many middle of the financial road Americans not having the means to go to the doctor when they need to?
And then there is this war. This ridiculous war. I just want our men and women back home, where they should be. Not out fighting Bush's personal vendetta. We have screwed oursleves in the area of foreign relations, which is one of the scariest things I can think of. Who is going to have our backs when we are threatened again? And don't think that we won't be. We are not any safer now then we were in 2001. I would go so far as to say we are in more danger now with the amount of hate that has built up towards us around the world.
Of course there is also the envrionment that we are not so slowly destroying, a lacking education system where children are left behind constantly, woman's rights, human rights, immigration, and the ever-present problem of tax hikes and breaks. As you can probably tell at this point, I could go on and on and on and on and on.
At this point in our history we all need to stand up. We need to use our voices and our votes. We need to let Washington DC know we are not happy with how things are going. We need to shape our own futures and prepare the world for our kids to take over.
Go Clinton...or Obama....or both(wouldn't that be a great ticket?)

Cause and Effect

Because it was a beautiful day with just the right amount of warm and breezy, I took Natalie and Vanessa to the zoo today after Nat got out of school.



Because someone forgot to put the stroller back in the trunk this weekend I had to spend the $8 and get one of the stollers at the zoo.



Because Vanessa rode in the stoller, Natalie actually rode in, and stayed in, the stoller almost the entire way through the zoo.



Because Natalie was sitting beside her showing her all the animals and telling her facts about each one (sample..."Bears are stinky."), Vanessa had the time of her life waving, pointing and clapping at them all.



Because the girls were extra good this trip we walked through the whole zoo instead of just the easy parts.



Because I forgot my camera I missed HUNDREDS of cute photo opportunities of my girls enjoying the zoo together for the first time that Vanessa didn't just sleep or cry through the whole thing.



Because gas is so expensive I didn't drive all the way home and get the camera like I initially wanted to.



Because we had such a wonderful time I am now extremely ready for spring and double pissed that it is going to be cold and snowy tomorrow.