Nursing....the end of another era in my life

Ok. I think I am finally mentally ready for this post. I guess I have been putting it off, but I am not going to anymore. This blog is meant to keep others posted on our lives, but it is also for me and my family. I use it as a journal in a way. I look forward to being able to read it in the coming years and remembering what was going on at that time. I wish I had done it when Natalie was little and maybe I would remember more of her milestones and when they happened. I wrote it all down.....somewhere. But this is all very convenient, one place for everything. So, here goes.

I am officially done nursing Vanessa. There I said it. And maybe it is just now that I am really accepting it. It wasn't entirely by choice, although I do know that we could have kept trying different things. I just ran out. I stopped producing enough milk for my baby. It happened the same way with Natalie at about the same time. Our bonding, snuggle time that I loved so much was replaced by frustration and tears (on both our parts) and at the end I still had a very hungry kid. It just wasn't right anymore. I had started supplementing when she acted like she wasn't getting enough and I was on empty. She took to it right away, no problem switching from breast to bottle and back again. It went well for a while, but slowly I was running out faster. I don't think it was because she didn't want to work as hard for it, because believe me, she worked. I don't think it was because I was doing it less, I always tried at every feeding before making a bottle. I just think this is what my body does.
I am sad about that period in our life ending, but we really are doing great. Feeding time is fun again. We relax and snuggle and gaze into each others eyes. Yes, there is a bottle of formula between us, but she can still use one hand to grab my shirt and the other to rub my fingers. She is full when we are done and gives me a big "thank you" smile and burp. I feel like I am nourishing her the best I can.
It is not as easy. I am getting in a pretty good rhythm, but making and warming bottles takes more time then just moving my shirt aside. She can get a little impatient waiting for me. The up side is that feeding her in public is easier. I wasn't one of those moms that felt comfortable nursing in front of others. I would have to find an empty room, or sit in my car, or feel like I just couldn't go. Now that is not a factor. I can take and feed a bottle anywhere and anytime. We went to an NBC tournament game a while back and I fed her right in the stands. I actually thought to myself at the time, "what would I do if I was still nursing exclusively?" I probably would have gone and sat in the car by myself and left Natalie and Larry to have fun watching the baseball game. This way the whole family got to enjoy the game...together.
I am very glad that I was able to nurse the girls as long as I did. They got benefits from it I am sure. We were able to create a closeness that will last a lifetime. I do not regret a thing. I am sad it didn't go exactly how I wanted it to, but really, what in life ever does? Things happen and redirect the course of your history. You accept it, embrace it, and learn from it. So I did. I have a happy, healthy baby and she has a happy, healthy momma...and isn't that what really matters?