Santa Baby

Dear Santa,
Just in case you read my blog, here is an easy to access list of the things I want for Christmas. I feel I've been a good girl (with just minor exceptions!). So, without further ado....

*Shirts. Since you watch to see if I have been bad or good for goodness sakes, you already know that many of the shirts I currently wear I have been wearing since 8th grade. I am sure I am out of fashion even for the North Pole.

*Scrapbooking "stuff". I know you are an equal opportunity Santa, but please disregard my husbands letter asking you to please haul off my scrapbooking stuff. He doesn't know what he's talking about. I really do need more!

*an MP3 player. I promise I won't use it to drown out the screaming and whining of my children...too often.

*a vacation. I know that this one will be hard to bring down my chimney (mainly because I don't have a chimney), but a plane ticket will do. Please make it somewhere that absolutely forbids children and husbands and dogs and lizards and really anything but me, a cold Bud light, and a trashy gossip magazine.

*a maid. If you can spare an elf that cleans, does laundry, and cooks I would really appreciate it.

*a kick-ass pair of black shoes. Oh, can I say ass? I bet you do, as in "Rudolph move your goddamned red nosed ass. We still have the entire west coast to get to."

*money. I know this sounds a bit tactless, but can you think of a better, more versatile present? I sure can't!

Thank you in advance for the wonderful gifts under my tree Christmas morning. I'm sure whatever you bring will be wonderful. Oh, and throw in some world peace and a fancy Barbie for Natalie.
Thanks!!
Loni