Raising Natalie

A very wise woman (who just so happened to give birth to me) once told me a very wise thing. She said that Natalie treated Larry and I the way she does because she is so comfortable in the fact that we will love her no matter what she does. She is good in school, in dance class, for the doctor..but for us, she becomes a small, but powerful, terror. While she is correct in assuming that I will love her till the end of the earth no matter what, she seems bent on testing this love daily. Sometimes it is hard to like her when she is telling me what a horrible mother I am. Or when she is fighting me to do something that NEEDS to be done. Or when she is throwing herself around like a wild banshee screaming and thrashing because no, she can not have the entire bag of oreos for breakfast. It can be a little maddening. But I do still love her.

The thing about Natalie (and probably any child) is that in one breath she can be telling me she wishes she had a different mommy and in the next breath she needs me to hold her and kiss on her and profess my love to her. Yes, a minute ago she hated me, but now that she fell down and hurt herself I am back in her good graces. I am again the giver of comfort, the place she feels safe and loved. This can become very complicated when she gets hurt doing something she shouldn't have been doing. Yesterday, for example, she was in time out because she hit me. I was mad, she was mad, we were all mad. She was throwing her head around screaming about the lack of fairness in our house when she smacked herself on the back of the chair. I heard it and knew that it hurt. She was crying for me and of course I went. I held her and rubbed her sore head until she calmed down. Then she thought that time out was forgotten and lets go back to running around. I really was conflicted as to what to do. Did she even remember what she was there for in the first place? Should I just let this one go? But I didn't want her to think she could hurt herself and everything before would be forgiven. So I sat her back down, reminded her that she had smacked me in the face, and set the timer for the remainder of her three minutes. She was unhappy to say the least. The fit continued right where it had left off...but she calmed down and finished her time out eventually. I hope I handled this situation right. So much of parenting is trial and error. They should tell you that in the hospital. "This is how you clean the umbilical cord, this is how much you should feed her, and oh yeah, you are going to screw up continuously before you learn what works for you and your baby. You will feel like a big fat failure while your kid is screaming at you but every once in a while she will learn and then you will feel an accomplishment you have never in your life felt and it is all worth it." But they don't tell you that. They let you find that out by yourself.

Before I end this rant I want to tell of one such accomplishment we had. Last Friday Natalie and I had to return the library books. I will admit I was frazzled and Natalie didn't want to go anywhere so the trip was doomed from the start. I collected all the books except two. I asked Nat where they were and since she was not in the mood to cooperate she wouldn't help look for them. For the next couple of minutes there was a lot of yelling back and forth while I searched and she sat on her bedroom floor defiantly. Later in the day after the books had been returned and we were calm I held her in my lap and told her I was sorry for getting so angry with her and losing my patience. She looked into my eyes and said, "and I'm sorry for sitting on my butt and just looking in one pile." She does listen!!!!!!!!!!!