So, how are ya?

What a week. Holy crap. I kind of feel like I might have been run over by a truck. And it's not over by a long shot.

So, I will start by saying that last Saturday it snowed so hard I couldn't even see Carisa's house....right across the street. It was a literal blizzard. Here is a picture of our back yard during some of the lighter snowfall.

I love this picture of Vanessa looking out at the snow. The girls wanted to go play in it so bad. Which leads me to my next topic......Natalie and Vanessa have both been battling some pretty nasty colds. Natalie's is almost gone, but Nessa just can't shake hers. She is still all stuffed up and so she can't suck on a bottle or her pacifier so that means very little sleep. For both of us.

Because Natalie was sick we couldn't have the Roat Christmas over here. I was pretty disappointed. I had been looking forward to maybe starting a tradition of the family Christmas at our house. I guess that will have to wait until next year. Santa did visit us on Christmas Eve which would have been great, but Natalie hid behind a chair and Vanessa did this...

After we stopped torturing our kids with the magic of Christmas they opened their matching jammies and their books (our Christmas Eve tradition).

Vanessa woke up first on Christmas morning. I couldn't get her back to sleep so we went in and got Natalie up. She still was feeling icky so her enthusiasm was down, but we managed to get her up with the promise that Santa had been there. Santa brought Ness a little stage. She loves it. She dances and "sings" along.

Santa left Natalie a pink V-Smile and four games. She really likes it...and so do I!

All in all, it was a really nice Christmas. I would have preferred the girls to be well, but you can't really plan that stuff, huh? We still had fun and gave each other good stuff. Larry spoiled the shit out of me. He spent WAY more then we agreed on. I didn't know whether to be grateful or mad. I decided on grateful. I got the most beautiful diamond earrings (I've never had REAL diamond earrings) and an MP3 player with all the accessories. Just what I wanted!!!!! I guess he does listen to me after all!

We then had less then a week to recoup and get ready for my baby girl to turn 4! 4!!!!! Can you believe it? I can't. She is such a big girl. Saturday Larry, the girls and I went to Applebees for lunch with a gift card we had. Ignore the trash and dirty dishes in front of us in this picture. It occurs to me now we should have taken pictures before we ate.

On Sunday we had Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Lesley, Nana, and Papa over for a day-of-her-birthday party. She will have a bigger one on the 5th with her friends and family. She got another V-Smile game, sparkly pink princess shoes, and a ton of Barbie furniture. She loved it all. Especially the cake!

Last night was a nice New Year's Eve. The four of us just stayed home. With the girls still trying to get over being sick and me being insanely tired we just wanted to do a lot of nothing. So we did. Both girls were up to ring in 2008, but not by plan. It just happened that Natalie couldn't go to sleep at all and Vanessa woke up at about 11:45. So we all went to the back door, watched the fireworks people were shooting off, and kissed each other at midnight. Even though it was not exciting and some of us were a little cranky (me), we decided it was the best New Years Eve ever. This will be our first year with a complete family. And I guess that within itself is reason to celebrate.

So, happy New Year!!! I hope everyone is happy and well. And I promise I will post again soon (so quit bugging me Mom! ha ha)!

Remembering what's important

I love my daughter.
This has not been the greatest Christmas Eve. Natalie is sick with a cold. She is sneezing and coughing and feeling miserable. She has pretty much camped out in our bed and watched movies all day.
We had big plans to bake cookies and cupcakes for the Roat Family Christmas that was scheduled for this evening at our house. But since that had to be postponed I decided that I would make some easy chocolate chip cookies and call it good. I was getting all my stuff out and ready when Nat wondered in and asked about the cupcakes. I told her that we weren't going to make them today.
"But we HAVE to."
"Why do we HAVE to?"
"For Santa. I want to give him one too."
(chuckle chuckle)"You know sweetie, just because you leave him something better than a cookie doesn't mean you will get extra presents."
"No mom. What if he is grumpy?"
Oh, how jaded I have become. I assumed that the reason for Natalie's plan was to benefit herself. But she surprised me. You see, we have been reading a book this Christmas Season called "Grumpy Santa". He has a horrible day and is grumpy while delivering presents....until he gets to a house where some children have left him a nice note and some cookies. The message is "when people do nice things for you the grumpies disappear". My beautiful, wonderful, marvelous daughter wanted to make sure that if Santa was grumpy she would have something waiting for him that would make him happy. She didn't care if she would score big on the presents (don't worry, she will), she just wanted to make someone else happy.
It kind of reminds you of how we are really supposed to act, huh?
I love my daughter.

SLEDDING!!!

Being real

I have been accused of not representing the facts in this blog. And I plead guilty.

More than once I have called one of my close confidants and cried and bitched and moaned and then the same day made a post full of smiles and sunshine. Inevitably I will then get a call from said confidant that goes something like this: "What the hell happened? Did someone slip you a happy pill?"

I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I haven't posted in a while if you have noticed. Every time I sit down and write everything comes out so negative. I am stressed. I am tired. I am desperate for some down time. Boo-freaking-hoo! So I end up hitting the delete button and walking away from my blog. Just because I don't want to post my reality.

I am just like most people out there, I want the world to think my life is doing nothing but spewing rainbows. But I must be honest...it is not always rainbows that it is spewing. Sometimes it is something much more unpleasant. And then also, I know there are so many people out there who have it so much worse off then I do. But does that mean I can't have a bad day? Or two? Or maybe a month? Or that I just can't talk about it?

I am happy with my life most of the time. I am content most of the time. But for every time I tell you all that I love my dogs, there is a time that I just want them to be anywhere except under my feet. For every time I tell you how much I love my husband, there is a time that I can't stand even being near him. For every time I tell you how cute my kids are (which they are by the way), there is a time I want to run off to Morocco and stay there...forever.

Being a grown up is hard work. Nobody ever tells you that. Or maybe they do and I just never listened. There are days I would give anything just not to have to make one more decision that will surely affect my childs life FOREVER!! I have a constant feeling of guilt built into my brain. I feel like I can't be making the right decisions. About school, about discipline, about dietary issues, about everything. I have a hard time deciding what I want at McDonald's, how am I supposed to decide if Natalie should start a multi-day preschool now or next fall? And will whatever I decide scar her for life. If she is not ready and we throw her into it, will she hate school forever? If we hold off and she loses this half of a year will she be forever behind all her classmates? And ultimately will she grow up hating and resenting me because I made the wrong choice?

There is so much more to being a parent then what you think. Sure I can change a diaper and I can even stay up all night with a sick and whiny baby (even though I really don't like to). But it is the things beyond that that make parenthood and adulthood so damn hard.

I would like to say now that I am not looking for pity. I am not depressed or even sad really. I am just a normal person. I am just trying to be real. I wanted to post today and this is what came out. And I am kind of happy it did. I feel a sense of release. I AM NOT PERFECT!!! I am not always happy. I don't always want to be married to Larry, although I couldn't see living my life with anyone else by my side. I don't always like my kids, although I do always love them. I don't always want to own dogs, although I have no idea what I would do if they weren't cuddled up by me at night. I don't always want this life I chose, although it has brought me so much more then I ever thought possible. I don't always want to be a grown up, although it definately has it's perks.

Maybe tomorrow I will post something much happier like the pictures of the family sledding on Sunday or how Natalie is now calling all her dolls baby Jesus (as in "don't take Baby Jesus away from me! Baby Jesus has to go into Dillons too!") (by the way I am guessing she got that from school. We are not religious people and the first time she screamed at me to leave her baby Jesus alone I laughed so hard I almost peed. Seriously.)

Maybe tomorrow.

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." - Mae West

The temptation was just becoming too much for the girl. She had stared at, felt, shook, poked, and even smelled the presents as much as she could before she exploded in a fit of impatience.

"MOM!!! I CAN'T WAIT ALL THAT LONG TIME TO OPEN THESE!!!"

I explained we had less than two weeks.
I explained that waiting made opening them even more exciting.
I explained that opening any now would mean less on Christmas morning.
I explained that this was preparing her for a lifetime of having to wait for what you want.

None of that mattered to the small girl trying to carefully untape presents without me knowing.

"MOM!!! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!! PLEASE!!! PLEEEEEEASE!!!! I WILL BE SOOO GOOD!!!!"

And being the strong willed, no-means-no kind of mother I am...I compromised and let her open a stocking present.

Significant Icing Events and me

It is still just raining pretty good here, but since they say the temps are going to keep dropping, I would say we are in for a pretty good sheet of ice out there. By the time Larry has to drive home from work at 7 it will be SO dangerous. I will worry until he pulls in the driveway, of course, just like I did last night. I am so much like my mother it's scary. I sit there and imagine all the horrible things that could happen and then when I have thought about them thoroughly, I convince myself that they really happened. Then I freak out until I am proven wrong. It's not a healthy habit. It makes me, and every one around me, crazy. Just like my mom!

Since the news has been full of talk of the impending ice storm for days now, Larry and I have had some time to talk about our options if and when the power goes out. I can remember the January 2005 storm so well. It was right after Natalie's first birthday party. Our power went out pretty early in the storm and stayed out for about a week. Natalie and I toughed it out for about a half of a day, then we all moved into Larry's office at work. Two adults, a one-year-old and two dogs...all living in a little office at a tow lot. Not my idea of a great time. But we made the most of it. We took videos and games and lots of toys. We slept on a pallet of blankets and cushions for the outdoor chairs. Natalie had her pack n' play to sleep and play in. It wasn't all that bad, but I was so excited the day we came home and we had power!!! A big branch had broken off and landed on our cable wire in the back yard, but that was really the only damage we received. One house up the street had a giant tree just tip over from all the weight right onto the front of the house. Another house caught fire. All in all we were pretty lucky.
We have decided that this time around we will be going back to the lot if the power is knocked out. It really is the most convenient place for us. Larry has to work anyway (tow lots don't close for ice...they just get busier!) and everyone else that we could stay with are pretty far away. This way we are close enough to check on the house every day and keep a somewhat normal schedule. But, let's all just hope our power stays on and we can remain warm and cozy in our own home.

To all of you out there reading this that are effected by this big storm, stay safe and stay warm!

Funny girl

What are you doing Nat?
I gave Natalie a couple strands of gold bead garland to put on her little Christmas tree. She immediately went and decorated it and then stood back to admire her work. I went and got Vanessa up and when I came back she was in the same place grinning.
"What are you doing Nat?"
"Oh, just standing here taking a smile at this garlic."
She just couldn't understand what I thought was so funny!

Rapping Reindeer
The other night Larry and Natalie were talking in our bedroom. I could hear them, but not what they were saying. I heard Larry laugh and then he called me in.
"Sing it to mommy," he told Natalie.
She stood up and said,
"You know that song, mommy? You know the one that goes...
"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and IceCube"

Christmas Survey

Christmas Survey
Do you like Christmas?: yes, very much!
Do you have any family traditions?: I have a lot from when I was a kid, and we are now making new ones for Nat and Ness
When do you start decorating?: I try to start as soon after Thanksgiving as I can
White or Colored Lights?: colored on the tree, white outside
Do you have a favorite decoration?: probably my small white glittery tree that was my Grandma Alta's
When do you take down decorations?: whenever I get around to it...I'm a little white trash like that!
When do you start your Christmas shopping?: depends on how much money we have that year...this year I started in early November
Do you go to or throw Christmas parties?: I would go if invited!
Do you celebrate on Christmas Eve at all?: yesIf so, what do you do?: We start with the Roat Christmas here at the house, then the kids get jammies and a new book. we leave cookies out and read the Night Before Christmas and try to go to sleep
What time do you get up on Christmas morning?: as early as I can!
What's your favorite holiday treat?: peanut butter ritz bitz dipped in chocolate!
Hot Chocolate or Egg Nog?: hot chocolate with bunny shaped marshmellows
Do you believe in Santa?: hell yes
Did you as a kid?: yes, even when I said I didn't
What's your favorite Christmas movie?: Christmas Story
What's your favorite Christmas song?: It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas
Sitting by a fire or riding through the snow?: riding through the snow
What was your best gift you ever got?: Natalie, just 5 days late!
What was the best gift you ever gave?: Natalie
What do you want this year?: an MP3 player
Have you ever gone carolling?: not officially!
Real tree or fake tree?: REAL
Naughty or nice?: a little of both
Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?: yes
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe?: Larry
What tops your Christmas tree?: an angel on the family tree, a star on the kids tree
Do you like candy canes?: yes, the cherry ones
Have you sent out your Christmas cards yet?: nope, working on it

Oh, Christmas Tree

The tree is up, it is decorated, and there are already a whole bunch of shiny presents underneath. Our house truly feels like Christmas now. Every time I walk into the hallway I go by the tree and that smell makes me downright giddy. I just love it! I got a great new tree skirt yesterday for 2 dollars at a little store on Lincoln between Main and Broadway called Funky Junk. I was so excited to find it...it was a little sad how excited I really was. Is my life really that boring that a tree skirt would fill me with glee?

Anyway, I was worried about the girls playing with the tree constantly, and I was right! But it's not that bad. Natalie likes the ornaments a lot, but I put all the glass ones and special ones up top. The top of the tree is packed with stuff. There is not so much at the bottom though. Vanessa really like crawling up and grabbing the low branches and rubbing the wrapping paper. I just move her back each time. I figure it gives her some crawling practice going to the tree time and time again after I move her back.Here is a picture of our beautiful tree. It is in night view so that is why it looks so streaky.

This is Natalie and Vanessa's tree. All the ornaments are safe and can be played with. It is just not fair to put up a tree full of small toys and then tell a three-year-old they cannot touch it. So I give her her own tree. Here are Larry and Natalie hanging an ornament. I just love watching them together. As much as a mommies girl as she is, she still loves her daddy. And of course he just adores her!Merry Christmas in 19 days!!!

It really is a wonderful life!

Life is moving about a zillion miles per hour right now. It's like when the holidays come along, time speeds up. I remember as a kid the month before Christmas seemed to take for-ev-er. Now it all goes so fast! There is so much to do, so many places to be, so many plans to make. It is all kind of crazy...but oh so much fun. Now with Natalie in full out Christmas mode and Vanessa really beginning to enjoy all this holiday craziness, it is even more fun.

Last Friday Vanessa had her very first cinematic experience...and she slept through the whole thing! I was worried about how she would handle the noise, but before the movie even started she had a bottle and went to sleep. So as she slept, Mom, Natalie and I watched "Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium". I loved loved loved it. It was a little over Nat's head and dealt quite a bit with death, but it was such a nice, sweet movie. I have to admit, it was nice to see a real G rated movie for once. No fart jokes, no sexual innuendos that I hope that my 3-year-old won't ask me about. Don't get me wrong...I love me some Shrek and I am not some saint that only likes pure, wholesome entertainment. But I actually relaxed with this movie and didn't worry that Natalie was seeing something she really shouldn't. The only thing that bothered me was when she kept asking about death, but we have been slowly introducing that into her life. Just the other day I had to explain to her that Max the lizard died and we had to bury him in the garden. I don't want her to be terrified by the thought of death at this age. She already has had a reoccuring nightmare that Larry and I die and she has to go live with Nana and Papa.

But I digress. The movie was fabulous and I recommend it highly.

Yesterday while Natalie was in school, Vanessa and I finished up our Christmas shopping...pretty much. I have a few other things to get, but for the most part I am done. And I have even started wrapping some. It feels so nice to be on top of things this early. Usually the week before Christmas I am out in the crowds trying to get everyone shopped for. This year I slowly bought stuff when I found good sales. I got the most for my money which was essential with two kids to shop for now. The funny thing is I will look in the Sunday ads every week and when I find something I got a month ago on sale for more than I got it for I feel this sense of accomplishment and pride. It's kind of ridiculous what makes me happy these days! It really is the little things in life.

Last night we met Larry after work and got our Christmas tree. We haven't had a real tree since we lived together in Lawrence. I was excited to finally get that smell back in the house. But then we got the damn thing and I remembered the pros of a fake tree. Because it took so long to get the tree even ready to go up, and I won't even go into the fiasco that was putting it in it's stand, we didn't decorate it. Natalie put the angel on top and we stopped for the night. This morning Larry and I strung the lights so it's all ready for us. I will take the girls out to look at Christmas lights around downtown and then we will all snuggle up, drink hot chocolate, and decorate. Good family fun!

I will end with this picture of Nat placing the angel. We have a big day of seeing Santa tomorrow, so I will try to post more pics after that. Until then I will try to slow down and actually enjoy the season.....we'll see!