Vanessa's Accomplishments

My baby is growing up. She is still pretty petite, but I don't think that will last too long as much as she has been eating lately. I call her my tiny hungry hungry hippo. She gets so mad when the food is gone and she is still opening that little baby bird mouth for more. The only food I have found that she doesn't like is peas. I'm not sure if it is because of the taste or the texture. They are thicker then the other baby foods, so that may be it. Other than that, she loves it all, but especially fruit!
She has been sitting unassisted for about a month and has been going from laying to sitting for a couple of weeks. She has also been moving around for a month or two. It went from rolling wherever she wanted to go to the "army crawl" where she just kind of pulls herself around. For a couple weeks she would get up on her hands and knees and rock. Yesterday she began "real" crawling. She gets up and goes. It is a little awkward looking still, but she manages to go where she wants...usually just where I DON'T want her to go!
With all these big milestones being met lately it has been a bit of a whirlwind of babydom. But I was ok with it all. Until she crawled yesterday. It was like it all hit me. My littlest baby is not such a little baby anymore. Soon she will be walking and talking and being a toddler. I am so not ready for that. I am not ready to let go of the infant label. I know she will still be a baby for awhile, but now I know just how fast it goes. Natalie will be 4 in about 30 days. Seriously? 4? I can't believe it. I refuse to believe it. I love my girls so much. They are the absolute greatest things that have ever happened to me. They can drive me so crazy, but I still love them like no other. They are my babies, no matter how old they get!

***I forgot when I wrote this earlier that my baby girl is also pulling herself up to stand. I was reminded this morning when I got to the point in making their breakfasts when I couldn't hold Vanessa anymore. I went and put her in her crib so I wouldn't have to worry about where she was for a few minutes. She was less than happy with me. I went back in to get her and she was standing there looking at me all proud like. She was doing what I refer to as the "baby smirk". I think she gets that from her dad!

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,
Just in case you read my blog, here is an easy to access list of the things I want for Christmas. I feel I've been a good girl (with just minor exceptions!). So, without further ado....

*Shirts. Since you watch to see if I have been bad or good for goodness sakes, you already know that many of the shirts I currently wear I have been wearing since 8th grade. I am sure I am out of fashion even for the North Pole.

*Scrapbooking "stuff". I know you are an equal opportunity Santa, but please disregard my husbands letter asking you to please haul off my scrapbooking stuff. He doesn't know what he's talking about. I really do need more!

*an MP3 player. I promise I won't use it to drown out the screaming and whining of my children...too often.

*a vacation. I know that this one will be hard to bring down my chimney (mainly because I don't have a chimney), but a plane ticket will do. Please make it somewhere that absolutely forbids children and husbands and dogs and lizards and really anything but me, a cold Bud light, and a trashy gossip magazine.

*a maid. If you can spare an elf that cleans, does laundry, and cooks I would really appreciate it.

*a kick-ass pair of black shoes. Oh, can I say ass? I bet you do, as in "Rudolph move your goddamned red nosed ass. We still have the entire west coast to get to."

*money. I know this sounds a bit tactless, but can you think of a better, more versatile present? I sure can't!

Thank you in advance for the wonderful gifts under my tree Christmas morning. I'm sure whatever you bring will be wonderful. Oh, and throw in some world peace and a fancy Barbie for Natalie.
Thanks!!
Loni

Giving thanks!!

Happy Thanksgiving.....yesterday. At least I'm within 24 hours, I would say that's pretty damn good.

We had a great Thanksgiving. It was fun and busy and full of good food and family. Just what it is supposed to be. We started at Larry's aunt and uncle's house. It is so nice to get together with his family. Aside from his parents and a couple of his siblings, we don't see his family all that much. But it is so nice when we do. They are fun and funny and nice. So, that leads me to my first "I'm thankful for..." of this post. I'm thankful for Larry's family. I get along so well with his parents and his sister and I'm getting to know his little brother and his family better all the time. I know so many people who not only don't like to get together with their in-laws, but actually DREAD it. I never do. I love seeing my new family. They have accepted me as one of them. I am truely a Roat.
Larry's aunt has a game room in her basement and I really thought Natalie would never, ever want to leave. She played some pool and quite a bit of air hockey and even cheated her ass off in ski-ball. She is my daughter!! She ate a plate of food even though we were going to my parents for dinner as soon as we left. And of course she couldn't resist some chocolate desert! Again...my daughter!
Then we went to my parents. My mom made an all-out Thanksgiving dinner that was EXCELENT! Those specific foods made in those specific ways will always give me warm and fuzzies. I remember so many wonderful Thanksgivings with my parents. They always made it special. It was always just the three of us..our holiday. And now we have added Larry and the girls and finally, it feels complete. We laughed and ate and watched some football and ate and played with Natalie's new Santa's workshop playset and ate. All in all it was successful and fun and just what I needed to start off this big holiday season.
Oh, and Natalie l-o-v-e-d the parade. "MOMMY, COME QUICK!! YOU ARE GOING TO MISS IT!!"
She particularly loved the Hello Kitty balloon, the Barbie on the Island float, and Santa of course! She sat with eyes wide and mouth open. It was great. Having a little girl makes these things even better. I keep forgetting how something as simple as the Thanksgiving parade made me feel as a child. Watching Natalie experience it and actually feeling the same emotions that I did way back when is almost magical. Some of the excitment and wonder of the season fades as you get older, but it all comes rushing back when you have a kid. It really is awesome.
So, here we go.....I have so much to be thankful for. I have a husband who loves me and cares about me. I have two little girls that make life better than I ever imagined it could be. I have two dogs and one lizard that add joy to our house. I have wonderful parents and parents-in-law whom I feel I could go to anytime for anything. I have a house around my family that we all love and feel safe in. I have my health and the health of my family. I have everything I really need. I love my life and I am excited about the years to come. I am thankful that I am me and that I am what I am and that I have come to a point where I can accept that.

Hi. My name is Loni and I'm a nail-biter.

Click. ClickClick. Click. ClickClickClick.

That was the sound of me biting my nails. I have been a nail-biter for as long as I can remember. I have also wanted to quit biting my nails for as long as I can remember. It's gross. It's stupid looking. It's just something I really don't want to do anymore.

Usually it is a totally unconscious action. When I am bored or being impatient I find myself gnawing away. But it is also a coping mechanism. When I am mad, or sad, or nervous, or uncomfortable I bite. It really does help me calm down. I guess it is kind of my security blanket in a way. Something that is always there for me when I need it.

But I am so ready to not have that security anymore. In the last twenty years I have tried everything I could think of to try to stop chewing on my hands. I have used the yucky tasting nail polish, I have put band-aids on the fingers I tend to chew on the most, I have gotten wonderful expensive manicures with fake fingernails. None of these things worked even a little bit. I got used to the polish (I was not proud of that) and I chewed on the fake nails until they came off and then I continued chewing on my nails. I thought that I could quit when I got engaged because I wanted to show off my ring and I HATE showing people my hands. But no, I just found a way to show my ring without drawing attention to my grotesque fingernails.

I am embarrassed by my hands. I am embarrassed when I find myself biting in public. I am just plain embarrassed. I don't want this addiction anymore (it is way past a habit now). Got any ideas for me? I am open to suggestions!

Raising Natalie

A very wise woman (who just so happened to give birth to me) once told me a very wise thing. She said that Natalie treated Larry and I the way she does because she is so comfortable in the fact that we will love her no matter what she does. She is good in school, in dance class, for the doctor..but for us, she becomes a small, but powerful, terror. While she is correct in assuming that I will love her till the end of the earth no matter what, she seems bent on testing this love daily. Sometimes it is hard to like her when she is telling me what a horrible mother I am. Or when she is fighting me to do something that NEEDS to be done. Or when she is throwing herself around like a wild banshee screaming and thrashing because no, she can not have the entire bag of oreos for breakfast. It can be a little maddening. But I do still love her.

The thing about Natalie (and probably any child) is that in one breath she can be telling me she wishes she had a different mommy and in the next breath she needs me to hold her and kiss on her and profess my love to her. Yes, a minute ago she hated me, but now that she fell down and hurt herself I am back in her good graces. I am again the giver of comfort, the place she feels safe and loved. This can become very complicated when she gets hurt doing something she shouldn't have been doing. Yesterday, for example, she was in time out because she hit me. I was mad, she was mad, we were all mad. She was throwing her head around screaming about the lack of fairness in our house when she smacked herself on the back of the chair. I heard it and knew that it hurt. She was crying for me and of course I went. I held her and rubbed her sore head until she calmed down. Then she thought that time out was forgotten and lets go back to running around. I really was conflicted as to what to do. Did she even remember what she was there for in the first place? Should I just let this one go? But I didn't want her to think she could hurt herself and everything before would be forgiven. So I sat her back down, reminded her that she had smacked me in the face, and set the timer for the remainder of her three minutes. She was unhappy to say the least. The fit continued right where it had left off...but she calmed down and finished her time out eventually. I hope I handled this situation right. So much of parenting is trial and error. They should tell you that in the hospital. "This is how you clean the umbilical cord, this is how much you should feed her, and oh yeah, you are going to screw up continuously before you learn what works for you and your baby. You will feel like a big fat failure while your kid is screaming at you but every once in a while she will learn and then you will feel an accomplishment you have never in your life felt and it is all worth it." But they don't tell you that. They let you find that out by yourself.

Before I end this rant I want to tell of one such accomplishment we had. Last Friday Natalie and I had to return the library books. I will admit I was frazzled and Natalie didn't want to go anywhere so the trip was doomed from the start. I collected all the books except two. I asked Nat where they were and since she was not in the mood to cooperate she wouldn't help look for them. For the next couple of minutes there was a lot of yelling back and forth while I searched and she sat on her bedroom floor defiantly. Later in the day after the books had been returned and we were calm I held her in my lap and told her I was sorry for getting so angry with her and losing my patience. She looked into my eyes and said, "and I'm sorry for sitting on my butt and just looking in one pile." She does listen!!!!!!!!!!!

The bedroom issue

While the title may sound like this is going to be some juicy, intimate post...it is not. It is about my girls and our first big issue with having two children instead of just one.



When we found this house in March of 2003 we were not really planning ahead in any way. Larry's parents had been so great and gracious and let us live in their basement for almost a year after we got married. While I appreciated it so much, I didn't necessarily like it. I had been living on my own for four years, I had just graduated college, and we were newlyweds. We wanted our own house and our own independence. We had looked at quite a few houses and for various reasons none of them worked out. When we looked at this house I immediately liked it. It has a great big backyard, beautiful woodwork throughout, and it would be "our" house. What I wasn't thinking was, "I bet I get pregnant immediately and then in 3 and a half years we will have another one, and what if we want more after that????" Those things never crossed my mind.



But we did get pregnant as soon as we got the house, and we did have another three and a half years later, and I am thinking what if we want more. This house is two bedrooms. Two small bedrooms. It definitely wasn't a problem when it was just Larry and I for those 9 months. And it really wasn't a problem when it was just Natalie, although her toys and stuff filled the room very quickly! But now there are four of us living here. And I am having trouble finding room for everything. The girls "share" a room, but they can't both sleep in it. First Vanessa would wake up Natalie and then Natalie would wake up Vanessa. And that means we would all be up a lot more then we should be. It is hard in the middle of the night to deal with both of them. So Natalie now sleeps on her mattress on our floor. It is in front of the closet so we have lost the use of it for the most part. It also has taken "our" room and made it more her room. I don't even get to lay in bed and read before I go to sleep because it would wake Nat up.



But the real problems happen in the daytime. Most of the toys are still in the girls bedroom, which means when Vanessa goes down for a nap Natalie can't play. I try to get her to pick out toys to bring to the living room before she goes to sleep, but she always wants something else. And that something else is always the thing that would be loudest to get. So either I tell Natalie she can't play with what she wants or take my chances and go get the toy. Vanessa usually wakes up then. Or like today, Vanessa fell asleep kind of unexpectedly and Natalie was already playing in her room. I put Ness on our bed and checked on her every two seconds because I was sure she was going to roll off and break her neck. Needless to say, the nap only lasted fifteen minutes at best.



I just feel like both of the girls are getting cheated. Yesterday Natalie and I were talking about what she wanted for Christmas. She said a bedroom. I said "you have a bedroom". But then I got to thinking...she had been told at least twenty times to stay out of that room so Vanessa could rest after her shots yesterday. Can it really be your bedroom if you don't sleep in it and are very rarely even allowed to be in it? So, is my room even my room any more? Get the idea?



This is the life we chose. I understand and accept that. I don't work so I can stay at home and raise our girls the way we want them raised. This is more than anything the most important fact of our lives. So our finances are not vast to say the least. We can't just run out and pick up another, bigger house. And I really do love and appreciate this house. This situation is just stressing me out right now. I want both girls to have their own space. And I do hate that we don't even have the option of having more kids because we would have absolutely NOWHERE to put them (and no, we don't really think we want more, but the option would be nice!). But can I really complain. We have a roof over our heads and walls around our bodies. We have warmth and protection. There are so many that don't that I feel selfish for complaining. But I guess that won't stop me, huh?

A really puke-tastic birthday!

I will admit that on more than one of my birthdays, or the day immediately following, I have felt under the weather and pukey. That was not so much the effect of being sick though, it was more the effect of vodka.
But this birthday I was definitely sick. Oh. My. God. We dropped the girls off at my parents on Saturday evening and went out for a really nice dinner. Then Larry surprised me by taking me to Kohl's and letting me pick out a couple new pairs of jeans. He didn't even complain when I had to try on every pair I saw. It was really sweet. We decided to just go home and watch the end of the KU football game and then watch movies. Everything was fine until the room started spinning. I hadn't had enough to drink to make things spin so I kind of knew something was up. Then my tummy started hurting. I decided to go to bed even though I really didn't want to. At midnight I woke up and had to SPRINT to the bathroom and up it all came. All night and all day Sunday (my actual birthday) I was sick. I pretty much just laid on the floor and groaned. It so sucked!!! Larry ended up getting it Sunday night. We are both still trying to get over it. My stomach still hurts and I get nauseated if I move too much. No fun.
Even though my 28th birthday wasn't what I had planned or expected there were still some nice parts. Larry and I got to spend some time just the two of us, mom and dad got me an ice cream cake (I just eat the chocolate crumbly parts...but they are worth every penny), Nat made me a sweet card, Vanessa slept most of the way through Sunday night, and I got my hair cut. My mom took a picture of it but my hair is dark, I am standing in front of a dark tree, and it was getting dark outside. Needless to say, you can't see much of my hair.
I guess as you get older you learn to make the best out of what you are given. You know, lemonade out of lemons and all that. Although if I HAD made lemonade I couldn't have stood to drink it without puking. But, anyway, it was an ok birthday. Definitely not the worst I can remember. I have my family-Larry and my girls and our dogs and lizards. What more could I really ask for?

My mom sent this to me in email and instead of forwarding it I am putting it on my blog! Please do the same for yourself if you have a blog...or email me yours. I would love to see everyones.





Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove the X from the ones you have not, and send it to all of your friends (including me.) This is for your entire life:

( ) Smoked a cigarette

(x) Drank so much you threw up

( ) Stolen a car

( x ) Been in love

( x) Been dumped

( ) Been Laid off/fired

( x) Quit your job

( ) Been in a fist fight (if you count fighting with your boyfriend)

( ) Sneaked out of your parent's house

(x)Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back

(x) Gone on a blind date

(X ) Lied to a friend

( x ) Skipped school

( ) Been to Canada

(X) Been to Mexico

(x) Been on a plane

(X) Been lost

( x ) Been on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington , DC

(X) Swam in the ocean

(x) Felt like dying

(X) Cried yourself to sleep

( x ) Played cops and robbers

(x) Played Cowboys & Indians

(X) Recently colored with crayons

(x) Sang karaoke

(X) Paid for a meal with only coins

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't

( x ) Made prank phone calls

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Made a snow angel

(X ) Danced in the rain

(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about

(X) Blown Bubbles

(X) Made a bonfire

(x) Crashed a party

(X) Gone roller skating

( x ) Gone ice skating

OK, here are the questions:

What time is it? 3:35pm

What is your full name? Loni Deann



Afraid of? lots of stuff

Most recent movie you have seen in the theater? Jackass 2....while 7 months preggo, thanks honey! what fun! (sarcastic tone taken)



Seen a ghost I'm pretty sure I have

Where were you born? Wichita


Ever Been to Alaska? No

Loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes

Do you plan to have any children? not any MORE children, two will do.

What is your favorite day of the week? varies week to week

Favorite Restaurant???? Marchello's

Favorite sport to watch? college basketball

Favorite Ice Cream? not a big ice cream fan, but the Braum's Reeces Peanut Butter cup sundae
I had a few days ago was pretty good.

Favorite Food: a really good Italian sandwich soaked in Italian dressing

What color is your bedroom carpet? wood floor

Favorite alcoholic drink? Amareto sour


Favorite nonalcoholic drink? cherry limeade

Tattoos? 1..for now

Body piercing? just the ears three times each


What is your favorite vacation spot Lake Lida (Vanessa Lida was named for it after all)


Ever steal any traffic signs? YES

Favorite Salad Dressing Italian

Favorite number 11

Favorite Holiday? 4th of July and then Christmas

Favorite sound? Vanessa's newfound sound..."huh huh huh huh huh" kind of like a quiet
machine gun


What do you do to relax? watch tv

How do you see yourself in 10 years? still married to Larry with a 14-year-old and a 10-year-old!!!!!!! having a career and a bigger house

Furthest place you will send this? on my blog so I'm not technically sending it anywhere

How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0

From whom did you get your last e-mail? Pam

What do you do when you are bored - Watch more TV

Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? ???

Who is the least likely to respond? Don't know

Who are most curious to see their answers? Everyone I send this to

Favorite TV Show? Project Runway or Amazing Race (I'm a reality tv junkie)

Ford or Chevy? Chevy if I have to pick one of those

What are you listening to right now? Natalie and Vanessa playing

How many pets do you have? 2 dogs, 2 lizards

The chicken or the egg? Chicken

What would you like to accomplish before you die? I would like to raise my girls to be good people, I would like to have a happy and successfull marriage, I would like to have a career that I love while also making a shitload of money!!!


People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don'tneed to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.

Natalie's Dance Performance

Too Cute!!!!

Best Friends

The end of the jazz dance...my favorite part of the whole thing

Dancing is hard work

The 6 little girls in her class ready to dance

Dancing Diva

A wonderful way to end every day

For the past couple of weeks, after we have read our 4 books and turned off the light, I have laid down with Natalie in her bed and we have had this conversation:

"Do you know how much I love you momma?"

"How much?"

"All the way up to the moon."

"Wow! That's a lot. Do you know how much I love you?"

"How much?"

"All the way to the farthest stars."

"Wow! That's a lot too. I love you so, so much."

"Me too baby."

I have to tell you, it is such a nice way to end our days. No matter how hectic the day was or how many times we got angry with each other, we are reminded at bedtime that we really do love each other so, so much. The first time Natalie said this I admit at least one tear escaped as we lay there. It was so sweet that my little girl wanted to express to me how much she really cared. I need to remember to do that more for everyone in my life...just so they know.

Check out my Slide Show!

"Oh. My. Goodness. It's a marshmallow eye-bulb!!!"

Is Halloween really over? Is time really going by that fast?

We had a nice Halloween night, but both girls were a little sniffly and sneezy. So I wasn't all that surprised when Natalie woke up at about 11 last night with a full blown cold. I was up with her until 2 when Vanessa woke up hungry. All together I think I got about 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I am a tired girl today. We all are.

As usual, Natalie cleaned up in the candy department. The neighbors around here are so sweet to her. There is a couple down the street that wait for her every year. This year the husband is so sick that he can't even get out of bed, but they had a special bag of candy waiting just for her. Then we went the other way to the couple who just absolutely love my kids. All of their grandkids live in other states, so they kind of adopted my girls! They have fish ponds in their backyard and a couple of cute cats, so Natalie LOVES going there. The porch light was off, but Nat insisted that we were going to try anyway. We got there and she was waiting outside for us with a TON of candy, a stuffed bear for Nat and an "I love my big sister" bib for Vanessa. Too nice! As we were walking home Natalie told her daddy and I, "Everybody loves me. They think I look pretty and they like to give me candy." Yes, baby girl, everybody does love you because you are the sweetest little thing ever!!!!! She has such good manners. She told everyone Happy Halloween and thank you. We only went to maybe 7 houses on the block (nobody else was home) and she came home with two pumpkins full of stuff. We are stocked up on candy for a while! The hit of the night for Nat was a marshmallow "eye-bulb" (her cute pronunciation). The joy in her voice when she found it in her mountain of candy was immeasurable. It made my heart happy to hear how excited she was. It really is the little things in life!

Hopefully everyone else's Halloween was as fun as ours. Without the colds!

Now, on to Thanksgiving!!