MOTY

My quest for the title of Mother of the Year is almost complete. I would suggest you don't even apply, how could I lose with this resume?!?

It wasn't enough that I am carrying around a baby who looks as if she was one round away from having Tyson bite off her ear. No, that wasn't enough. This afternoon I had to call poison control. Yeah, I've got MOTY in the bag.



It all went down innocently enough. I was giving Vanessa a bottle to get her down for her nap. Natalie was playing dolls in her room. All was serene. When I look back on it I should have known something would happen. It was way to "Norman Rockwell-esque" to be our house. Ness had almost drained her bottle when I saw Natalie go into the bathroom and shut the door. No big deal, right? She was probably just pottying. But she stayed in there longer than normal. Still no big deal. Who hasn't had a trip to the bathroom that lasted longer then someone else thought it should. Still, I wanted to know what was going on in there. I hurried Vanessa through the last ounce, put her into bed and walked into the bathroom. There was my girl, her toothbrush in one hand, my toothpaste in the other, and a shit-eating grin on her face.

"What are you doing Nat?"

"Brushing my teeth." (if she knew to she would have rolled her eyes and said duuuuuh)

"Did you already use Mommy's toothpaste?"

"Yes, I put a lot on my toothbrush."

"A lot?"

"Yes. I ate it. Then some fell in the sink. I ate that, too."

Now, I know that eating toothpaste is not good. Especially kids eating adult toothpaste. I couldn't really tell how much she had eaten. The tube was already half gone when she got a hold of it, but it was obvious she had been squeezing on it. I asked her if she felt alright, and she did, but I knew I should still call poison control. They told me that at her weight she would have had to eat 4 ounces to really hurt her and I knew she hadn't had that much. They told me to give her calcium and that should help, but her tummy might hurt a little. She had cheese and a glass of milk with dinner and a bowl of strawberry ice cream for dessert. She said that her tummy hurt a little, but that could have been because of all the ice cream. She seems fine now and we have had a nice long talk about not eating ANYTHING in the bathroom, ever!!!!!!!!!

In four years I have had to call poison control twice. Both times were probably due more to my overreacting then any real danger, but I am a strong supporter of the better safe then sorry method of parenting. Luckily both kids' injuries and illnesses have been fairly minor (knock on wood....twice). I just want to keep it that way. Even if I don't win any parenting contests.