I'm better now, thanks!

One thing I didn't know when I started this blog was how cathartic it would be for me. Yesterday I was still SO angry about my last doctor's visit, but after writing it all down and letting it all out, so to speak, I feel a lot better. Thank you for all your kind words and support. It really does mean a lot to me.
I woke up this morning with signs of the cold that is going around this house. My throat is sore, my nose is running, and my ears have that "full" feeling. So far it's not that bad, so I will just deal. We don't have any big plans that I can think of today so we will all probably just veg out here at home.
Last night we did go to Natalie's Preschool open house and it was nice. There were snacks and we got to look at all the projects they have been working on. I think Nat liked showing us her school. She seemed pretty proud of it! And I was proud of her and all that she has done. The only problems that the teacher had with my wonderful little daughter was that she was calling the other kids "dummies" when she would get angry (which has stopped after a few time-outs there) and her tendency to talk during circle time. Larry and I had a talk with her last night and hopefully things will get a bit better in those departments. I want all the other kids to like her, and for the most part I think they do. Every time we walk into school there are other little girls saying, "Hi Natalie!". It is so cute to see her interact with her new friends.
Well, that's all I got for now...thanks again for reading and caring yesterday!

A much needed blog rant

Last Tuesday I told Larry I had a doctor's appointment this Tuesday. "I'll watch the girls," he said. I reminded him that my doctor's office sucks ass (sorry for the language, but there is just no other way to describe it) and that it could take a while. He assured me it was ok and that he could handle it. I then reminded him that our children could, once in a while, act like cute, yet evil spawns of the devil and that taking them to work with him was a risk akin to taking the proverbial bull into the proverbial china shop. He again assured me he could do it. I reluctantly said alright, figuring that I had used all my other babysitting options up for a while anyway. But I had NO IDEA that it was going to go the way it did. Honey, if you are reading this, I am sorry and I will completely understand the next time I ask you to watch the girls if you mysteriously disappear for a few days.

The day started out well. The doctor's office called me bright and early to tell me that the doctor had to go to a delivery that morning and would be late into the office and could we push back my appointment an hour. Fine by me, just one more reason to put off my shower and sit on the couch like the puking lump I usually am in the mornings. Then, not long after the initial call, I received another call that the doctor was on her way back already and could I come in NOW? Ummmm, no. Unless you want a slimy, smelly, overall disgusting pregnant woman running off all your other patients. We decided that I would be there at 10:45. Totally doable for me, but I asked if I for sure would be seen then. The receptionist assured me that although the schedule had been shuffled many times already that morning that 10:45 would be my time and it wouldn't be a problem. So I reluctantly hopped in the shower, got the kiddos and all their various junk rounded up and we headed to Daddy's work. Natalie asked about a million times how long this would all take and if I had my cell phone with me in case she really, really needed to talk to me. After telling her it shouldn't take that long and promising I would keep my phone with me at all times, I dropped them off.

I got to the office and the first thing I did after checking in was ask how long it might be. Every time I have been to this office I have had to wait for at least an hour. It is maddening and there has been more than once that I would have walked out if it weren't for the horribleness of this pregnancy and the overwhelming worry that I have ALL THE TIME. The receptionist made a point of showing me the patients folders waiting in the doctor's cubby and told me that, "See, there are only two before you. Shouldn't be long at all!" Lying bitch (sorry again). I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. I went back up to the desk after an hour (11:45) and asked if it might be any time soon. "Oh, your next! It should be any time now!" At that point I had an urge to punch Miss Enthusiastic Receptionist right in the face, but instead I went and sat back down with my National Geographic Traveler and continued to look at pictures of Peru...or Panama...or Portugal. Whatever. It was not long after that my cell phone rang and before I even looked at it I knew who it would be. I answered and the first thing Larry said was, "Are you on your way back yet?!" I could hear children screaming in the background and I could hear the frustration in my husband's voice. I told him I hadn't even been seen yet and we both hung up frustrated and angry. I looked at my phone....12 freaking 15. I had been sitting in that waiting room for an hour and a half. I began pacing around the now empty waiting room. It was about that time that my anger began pouring out of my eye sockets in the form of tears. What can I say? I'm pregnant. I cry.

So, I finally was called back and the nurse took my blood pressure (surprisingly normal) and asked if I had any concerns. I'm sure the way I looked at her at that point was a little less than nicely, but I just shook my head and she said it shouldn't be long. Second lying bitch! I sat there and could hear the nurses and various staff outside my door laughing and ordering lunch. I just kept getting more and more angry. I was full-on crying at that point, but was determined that I would regain my composure and be ready to tell the doctor exactly what I thought when she got to my room. Again, after a lengthy wait, the doctor came in. I had a whole speech ready for her, but when she asked how I was I just teared up and couldn't talk. "Fine." Even though I am totally not fine. I am not fine with the length of time I just spent waiting. I am not fine with how I have been feeling now for 32 weeks. I am not fine with the fact that two weeks ago you all told me my urine looked "great" and then a few days later I was laying in the hospital hooked up to an IV dehydrated and with a horrible Urinary Tract Infection. I am not fine that when I told you I thought I had one and you thought I didn't that the nurse said she would send off my pee for testing and then it somehow got dumped out before that happened! I AM SO TOTALLY NOT FINE!!! Yet all I could choke out was that I was fine. She measured my stomach, heard baby girl's heartbeat, and had me sign my tubal ligation papers. When she said she would see me again in two weeks I honestly began crying and asked her if I had to come back then. She finally saw that I was a little upset and told me three weeks would be fine. I made my next appointment while furiously wiping my dripping eyes and nose with an already soaked Kleenex and left. Before I got to my car I was audibly sobbing. It was then almost 1:30.

I am so beyond frustrated with the whole situation. Not only at the doctor's office, but with myself. I didn't handle it the way I would have liked at all. And the kicker is that I let it all affect my visit. I didn't even ask the myriad of questions I had, let alone get any answers. And now I don't go back for another three weeks. That is an extra week to worry and obsess, something I am an expert at. I really do love my doctor. She is so nice and funny and when I DO ask a question she answers it with compassion and any extra knowledge she can provide. But seriously. I was ready to find a new doctor yesterday. I figure that would be pretty hard at 32 weeks pregnant, so I'm not going to. But I will totally have a plan for the next visit. And I won't cry. Maybe.

Sniff, Sniff, Cough

My poor baby Natalie is sick. She has had the sniffles since this weekend, but nothing really bad. Then last night she came and climbed into my lap, snuggled into my shirt, and said those words that I dread, "Mama, I don't feel very great." That is when you know Natalie is sick. I could feel her warmth through my shirt so we got the forehead thermometer and sure enough, 101.3. She started coughing so much that I thought she was going to throw up on multiple occasions. At one point I asked her what hurt exactly and she thought for a minute and came up with this answer: "I feel like I ate a big yucky burrito and it was too spicy and now my nose is sick." OK? So we are dealing with a lot of snot, a sore throat, and a hacking cough. I called her in from school this morning. I hate when she misses anything. And tonight is her preschool's open house. If she is feeling better and the fever is gone I might take her, but I have a feeling she is going to miss it. She was so excited about showing her Nana and Papa and Grandma and Grandpa her school. Of course she gets sick today!
Right now she is laying in my bed watching a video while Vanessa gives her various things off the floor. I went in there a minute ago and Natalie had a pile consisting of a book, a purple stuffed unicorn, an empty bowl, a stray sock, and a ponytail holder. What a nice little sister! And what a nice big sister to act thrilled about these offerings from her baby sis! So I am off to administer a dose of medicine and as Natalie would say, "tuck her up" in the blankets. Hopefully she will get some rest and this bug will pass quickly (but hopefully not on to the rest of us).

Weekend Project

A couple of weeks ago I went into the girls' room and boxed and bagged up every toy. This (tantrum) project was spurred on by two things. One was a fierce nesting instinct that I have had to suppress because I have been so sick. The second thing was the threat of divorce that I'm still not sure wasn't completely serious. The toys were beginning to take over our entire house. It was to the point that there wasn't room for the girls and their toys in the same room.

The plan was to get everything out to the garage where I could sort it and reorganize it without little grubby hands spreading everything back out again. I got a lot of it done last week, but not as much as I would have liked because, again, I was sick. This weekend I felt good and decided to tackle the mess. I went through every toy those girls have. I have three bags and a box of get rid of stuff and the rest all now have homes in tubs or the toy box. Everything is easy to find and get to, unlike it was before. I have a picture that I am half proud of, half embarrassed of (these girls have A LOT of stuff!). But here is the fruit of all my hard work of this weekend. I have to add that this picture was taken before I was officially finished and I ended up adding one more under-bed size box and two more shoebox sixed tubs...and I drew a few more pics on the labels!

I even went through each individual piece of Barbie clothing! It was a lot of work, but it was kind of fun for all of us to find toys that we had all but forgotten. The girls love picking out a tub and playing with the stuff and then putting it away to pick another tub. So far it is working out really well. And I have to admit I feel a great sense of accomplishment every time I look at all the labeled tubs holding all the organized toys.

On another note, I had my first "going into labor" dream last night. It was very odd and didn't involve anyone it probably should have! I used to watch All My Children when Natalie would nap (boy, that seems like a long time ago) and in my dream one of the characters was the one taking me to the hospital. I just kept screaming "I'M IN LABOR!!!" over and over again. I was hysterical. Hopefully the real thing won't mirror this crazy dream, it would be nice if I wasn't acting like a maniac and if my husband was actually with me!

Reclaiming my kid

***Update: Was sent to the hospital yesterday afternoon. Was told I have another UTI and was pretty dehydrated. Was given an IV (ouch!) and a few prescriptions. Am now feeling a lot better. Thank you all for your concern!***

When Natalie was born I made a conscious decision to be extremely diligent when it came to choosing the television she was allowed to watch. I always watched with her and usually chose shows like Sesame Street or Dragon Tales (gotta love some good 'ole PBS). As she got older she was allowed to watch a more diverse array of TV, but I was still on top of the shows that were allowed. Then Vanessa was born. I am embarrassed and sad to admit that my attention to the shows she watched became less and less. All of a sudden she was watching things like Sponge Bob and Fairly Odd Parents, both very funny, but SO not appropriate for my four-year-old daughter. As long as she was content and busy and I was able to care for the baby (or, on occasion, myself) I was ok.
As time went on she became more and more disrespectful. She began to use the word "hate" in every other sentence. She began to call names. She simulated violence. It got seriously out of control. And for the longest time I was all..."duuuhhh. Why is she so mean all of a sudden?" Well, just call me stupid (she certainly has). When I actually sat down and watched these "kid" shows I was appalled. There was Sponge Bob and Mr. Krabs trying to hide a dead body!!! There was Timmy Turner wishing actual harm on other characters. And some of the other shows that just happened to come on after an episode of her show were even worse! There was no educational value to these shows. There wasn't any lessons to be learned from the bad behavior of the characters. It was just awful. And not only was Natalie watching and reenacting these events, but Vanessa was beginning to take interest too.
I couldn't let my impressionable little girls be raised to think these things were alright. I was always so adamant that Larry not play any violent video games until after the kids bedtime. I would watch the soap opera that I used to watch with closed captioning and no sound and then turn the channel when things got the least bit inappropriate. We would tape shows that we liked and watch them late so the kids wouldn't be exposed to things we didn't want them to be. And all along I was encouraging her to watch things that were just as bad and actually aimed at kids!!! I can barely type these words due to my severe mortification. How did I become so blind to what TV was doing to my kid?
Now you can stick a fork in me, because I am done! I am not clueless and I realize I can't protect my children from bad things forever, but I CAN and WILL make sure I am not the one exposing them to these kinds of things. I thought it would be a fight to get Natalie off her addiction to Sponge Bob. My kid is just like any other when it comes to hearing the word NO and then wanting whatever it is even more. So I never said I was taking Sponge Bob or any other show away. I discussed it with Larry and together we are just not turning that on. I mean, we are the adults, we do have control over the remote! And really it hasn't been that bad. She has asked if it was on a few times but, even if it was, we have said no. I don't feel like this is lying to her, but if it is, I am ok with that. As a result she has rediscovered some of her favorite shows. A big hit right now is Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. We have a few videos and I let her watch an episode or two and she is happy with it. She asks for Noggin or Sprout or PBS Kids (doink...you get that if you watch it!). She also watches less TV since I have become the remote Nazi. The girls play dolls together or store (although Vanessa isn't good at that one yet and Natalie always gets frustrated that she won't buy her stuff like she is supposed to). She plays a game on her V.Smile or runs around the backyard. She reads books and makes up silly songs. And she is happy.
We are still working on undoing the harm that my inattention to TV did to her. We are desperately trying new techniques to get her to stop calling names and showing her anger in more constructive ways then just telling us she hates us and wants new parents. Last night we sat down and read three books all about how some of her favorite literary characters handle their anger and then discussed them. It is a slow process but I am confident we will overcome it. She is a sweet little girl with a big heart and more often than not shows us all her good side. I am not expecting her to become an angel, she is my daughter after all. I just want to know that I am doing all I can to turn her into a the nice, caring individual I know she will be.

Quick Update

First of all, I'm not in the hospital. I kept my meager dinner down last night, but have resumed throwing up again today. I haven't felt a "contraction" since last night, but I do have quite a bit of abdominal pain. This just sucks. All I want is an uncomplicated rest of my pregnancy. I want a healthy baby. I want to be able to be there for my two girls that need me. I know it could be worse. And thank God it's not. Knock on wood.

Short but not so sweet

I don't feel good....again. I haven't been able to keep ANYTHING down for the whole day so I have become dehydrated. Because of that I have been having some mild contractions. If I don't start keeping some fluids down or the contractions become stronger or more regular I am off to the hospital tonight. Let's all hope that what I just ate and drank stays where it is! I really don't want an IV or, even worse, anything that turns into pre-term labor. This baby needs to bake in mommy's oven for a couple more months!

ps. I have the BEST Mom in the world. After work, even though all she wanted to do was go home, she brought me some food and then stayed to make sure I ate at least some of it. She also watched the girls while I took a shower! I love her SO much and have NO idea what I would do without her!

yyyyaaaawwwwnnnnnn

You know how early in a pregnancy you go through a very tired, run down sort of phase? That time where you just don't have one ounce of energy even though you slept all night. And then you transition into a phase that is more about eating anything and everything you see and you are no longer as exhausted as you were. Yeah, I've been through both of those. Now I just WANT TO SLEEP!! ALL THE TIME!! I am utterly exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. I laid down on Natalie's bed for five minutes and could barely bring myself to get back up. With the first pregnancy it wasn't that bad. I could always just go lay down for a while. With the second it got a little harder. Still, it was just me and Natalie and when she would lay down to rest or watch a movie, so could I. Now there are two little monsters running around the house, and believe me, they NEVER rest at the same time. It's like some kind of sisterly rule, "thou shall never be still at the same time". All I want to do right now is go lay in my bed right in front of a fan on high, curl up under the comforter, snuggle with my many pillows and sleep until I can't sleep any more (or, more likely, until I have to pee again). Even as I type my eyes keep wanting to close. It is taking all my will power to keep them open. So, if this post doesn't make any sense just blame it on my half-awake state. Yaaawwwnnn!!!

Where have I been?!?!

Sorry I have been MIA for so long. I hope I haven't lost any readers. I still check everyone else's blogs, I just haven't been able to write lately. I wish I could say I have been non-stop busy, but that is not truly the case. I HAVE been relatively busy with Natalie going to school and all doctor's appointments that we all have been going to lately. But really, I have just felt like crap for a couple of weeks. This pregnancy is slowly killing me. I am in a constant pain that we have realized we can not do anything about. I am STILL puking most days (I actually think I have been sick for the last few days but I seriously can't tell for sure). Both girls have been sick with yucky, snotty colds for a few days. So, yeah....woe is me, I guess.

*****************************************

On to other things. I have so many pics to post. I have pictures from our Labor Day at the farm, pictures from our visit to the state fair, and pictures of our special pancake breakfast in the bedroom last weekend. So, without further ado....

Labor Day on the Farm

Here are two of my in-laws new mini-horses...or as Natalie says, "horses that are just my size!"

Natalie and her cousin Ryan walking through the pasture.

Big girl riding a big horse!

My cute nephew Brayden

Yummy BBQ dinner!

****************************

The State Fair

Nana and her girls watching pig races

My beautiful girls.

"Driving" the combine

What a pretty girl!

Nat again

Blowing mommy a kiss from the merry-go-round

wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

********************************

Weekend Pancake Breakfast

It is not often the girls get to eat breakfast in their bedroom. I made pancakes, set up their little table, and let 'em eat!

Pieces of Life

I haven't posted in a while. No real reason. Just a writing slump I guess. But I have been thinking of posts the whole time, so to get me a little bit caught up.....

Natalie's Pre-K class has been studying the five senses this week and last. They have covered hearing, seeing, touching, and tasting. When Nat came home after the tasting day she was SO excited to tell me what had happened in their class. They had a Gingerbread Man theme that day. They read a story, made a picture, and then made and decorated their own gingerbread man cookies. When they went down to get the baked cookies out of the oven they weren't there! Natalie told me all about the "gingerbread clues" that the class found throughout the school. And then when they got back to their classroom, there were the cookies waiting for them at their seats. "It was the Gingerbread Man Mom!! It could have been pretend, but I think it was REAL!!!" I agreed that it probably was real, of course. I think I am going to really like Natalie's teacher!

Vanessa had her 15-month appointment yesterday (yes, she is actually 16-months old, mama is running a little behind). The big news is that she is NOT GROWING!! She hasn't gained a pound since her 12-month appointment. She is still going strong at 18 pounds! She isn't even on that graph that tells you what percentage they are in weight or height. That means she is in the less than fifth percentile. The doc says we aren't going to worry....yet. It could just be her genetics (although I'm not sure who gave her such tiny genes). We are going to go back in two months and see if there is any progress. I asked what else it could be making her so small and he said that anything it could be would be so uncommon that we aren't even going to go there now. It's not like she was "normal" size up until now and then all of a sudden got small. She has always been a little girl. Natalie actually weighed an ounce less at birth, but chubbed up pretty quickly! Nessa just never got the chub. But other than her teeny tiny frame, she is healthy and on target developmentally!

The pregnancy is going pretty well for the most part. I am still in A LOT of pain most of the time, but we have kind of decided it is round ligament pain and I will just have to live with it for the next ten (or so) weeks. Fun fun. Sometimes I hurt so much I just lay on the floor. And of course if I am laying on the floor, I have two little girls who want to climb all over me! I go back to the doctor next Tuesday and then I start going every two weeks. We are getting down to the wire here with my LAST pregnancy. You can totally see little elbows and knees jutting out of my belly every so often. And she rolls and stretches, but she is running out of room!

Our dog Axel had his surgery and they removed the tumor. He is doing well, but won't leave his stitches alone. I keep telling him that if he rips them out he has to go back to the doctor, but he just won't listen. It is just like talking to my kids!

I still need to post all the fun pictures from our labor day BBQ at my in-laws farm, but for now I am going to go fix some lunch for us girls. We are all growing and need some good food!!! So bologna and cheese sandwiches, chips, carrot sticks, and watermelon here we come!