Five.

Today is Natalie's fifth birthday. Five. As in the age that kids are when they go to kindergarten (which she will in the fall). As in the age when she is officially a big girl. As in one year closer to not needing her mommy anymore (sob, gasp, sob). Can you tell I'm having a little trouble accepting this?

So to honor this huge milestone in my babies life I am going to tell her birth story...finally!

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In April 2003 Larry and I had been married for about ten months and had just moved from our temporary place in his parents basement to our first house. It was in this house that I realized that I was "late". Looking back I see that in my heart I knew I was pregnant. At the time I denied it up and down, even after I took an old pregnancy test I had in the medicine cabinet one day when Larry was at work and it had two very distinct lines. I figured the test was so old that it had become defective. But I knew. So when Larry got home I casually suggested we might want to make a Wal-Greens run and pick up a pack of tests. I left out the part that I already had gotten a big fat positive. We got the tests, came home, I peed on the stick, and we waited. We went into the bathroom together and saw the two lines that meant our life was no longer just ours.

I will admit freely that I completely broke down in sobs. Not because I didn't want a baby, but because I was scared. I have never been a big fan of change, and you can't have a more major change then having a baby. I cried into my husband's chest and he said all the right things. He told me everything was going to be ok. We were married, we loved each other, we had a house now, everything was going to be fine.

My pregnancy was not all that fun. I had morning sickness, afternoon sickness, and night sickness the entire time. Even though I didn't particularly enjoy the pregnancy there were some definite high points. I will never forget the sensation of her moving around in my tummy for the first time. People tell you what it is going to be like. It will feel like butterflies, or bubbles popping, or gas. But words can't really describe it because it is not just a physical feeling, it is also an emotional one. At least it was for me. All of a sudden I was the caretaker of a growing and changing person. I was the shelter and the sustenance keeping this little being alive. I was a Mom.

My original due date was December 19th and it later changed to December 25th. I was going to have a Christmas baby. Time passed and we prepared for the impending arrival of our daughter. We made the room that was being used as storage into the nursery. We painted it light yellow with mint green trim. We got a crib from some of our best friends and set it up. I had three baby showers and received all the baby paraphernalia that I could ever need. We grew more anxious and nervous by the day. At last December arrived. The month went on and Christmas came and went. Still there was no baby. My body wasn't even acting like it was going to have a baby anytime soon. So my doctor and I decided to help things along a little bit.

On the evening of December 29th I checked into St Joe hospital for an induction. As the nurses and doctors came in and out of my room, doing everything they needed to do I was in a daze. They placed the cervadil, they gave me an IV, they checked my progress (none), and then we all sat back to let things happen. I watched the KU basketball game against Binghamton (we won 78-46). I attempted to read the magazines I brought with me. My Mom spilled an entire cup of coffee all over my bedside table. And we still waited. Everyone else went home for the night so I could sleep. The next morning after a night of tossing and turning, or as much as I could while hooked up to the IV and the blood pressure monitor, I was cramping. Being naive and not knowing what to expect I was worried. Throughout the entire pregnancy cramping had been a bad thing, something we didn't want to happen. So I called in the nurse and with fear in my voice, and my heart, I told her I felt like I was having menstrual cramps. She smiled and said that I was beginning to go into labor.

They started the pitocin and things got going fairly quickly. It hurt more then I could have ever expected. I remember laying on my side, gripping the bed rail, and counting to ten over and over and over again in my head. I tried to ignore the pain but if you have ever had a child you know that that is an impossibility. They suggested I get into the bathtub and aim the water jet at my back where I was feeling a lot of pain. That helped quite a bit and at some point they said I HAD to get out. I think I begged for just a little more time to no avail. After laboring a little longer they brought in the epidural. And then there was no more pain. All of a sudden I could sit and talk to my family who was there to support me, and more importantly see the new baby when she arrived. They had to reboost the medicine once when I started moving along more quickly, but all in all I was one comfortable pregnant lady. There was one final check of my progress and then it was time to push. They told me to push every time I felt a contraction, but at that point I couldn't feel any contractions. So they began telling me when I was having one and I pushed as much as I could while having no feeling in my lower body. It didn't take that long and at 2:45 in the afternoon I had a healthy and beautiful 6 pound, 7 ounce baby girl that we named Natalie Isis.

Since then it has been a whirlwind of watching my first born grow up. She learned to walk and talk, she celebrated birthdays and holidays, she became a big sister twice, she started preschool. And through it all she remained my baby. My daughter. My heart.

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We love you Natalie. You are an amazing little girl. You make us proud daily with your humor, your wit, your compassion, and your intelligence. Your Daddy and I wish you the happiest fifth birthday ever. You will always be our baby, but we are excited to watch you grow into a woman. Happy Birthday!!