It's All Relative

Recently I was talking to a girlfriend I hadn't talked to in a while. She innocently asked how I had been feeling.

Me: Actually, I've been feeling pretty good lately.
Her: You're not throwing up anymore?
Me: Well...yeah, I still throw up. But it is usually only once a day.
Her: And the other days?
Me: Two, three, maybe four times at the most.
Her: I didn't throw up four times throughout my whole pregnancy.
Me: You are SO lucky!
Her: Yeah, but I had some hellacious heartburn for a while.
Me: I have been having some heartburn too, but not too bad.
Her: I had it like four or five times a week.
Me: I have some every night but as long as I take a couple tums and then lay perfectly still for a while it's not too bad.
Her: Every night?
Me: Yes. But like I said, it's not that bad. What is bothering me right now is the sciatica.
Her: The what?
Me: You know. When all that baby weight sits on your nerve and you have those sharp pains that shoot down from your hips to your toes. Especially when you are carrying an 18-month-old around.
Her: I never had those.
Me: Oh. Well, they suck.
Her: Sounds like it.
Me: *Sneeze, cough, cough, cough* Sorry, we are all trying to get over never ending colds here in our house.
Her: Wow. Loni, your idea of feeling pretty good is incredibly warped.
Me: Yeah, I was kind of getting that impression too.