Tuesday, January 27, 2009

.....

I have run out of milk. And not the kind you can run to the grocery store to pick up.

I am taking it very badly. I have cried. I have been angry. I have blamed myself. I really wanted to keep nursing. With Natalie I ran out at around four months. With Vanessa I ran out around three months. Now I am out at almost eleven weeks.

Allison is taking it much better than I am. She was getting so frustrated with me. She would suck and when nothing would come out she would pull off and start flailing around and crying. She was having trouble sleeping because she was hungry. I started dreading nursing time. Which made me very sad. So the last couple of days I savored every time I did get to nurse. I tried to memorize every little thing about it. And now.... I am still sad but Allie is so much happier. She loves the bottle. She is taking better naps. She is happier.

I just needed to get that off my chest.

5 comments:

Jaime said...

Sorry it didn't work out as you'd hoped. I'm sure that 11 wks. was still great bonding with little Miss Allie. =)

Anonymous said...

You have given all 3 of your girls the best start that you can. Please do not feel bad or guilty about it, you have tried your best. And, you have 3 healthy little girls to show for it. Some women never get that chance, so at least you'll always know that you and your girls had that experience. And you wouldn't want them to remember it even if you could have gone awhile longer, would you?? haha. Anyway, you're a wonderful MOM, and your girls adore you. They're fine, and that's really all that matters. Love, MOM

Sarah said...

I am sorry it didn't last as long. I only got to do it with Taylor for 6 weeks and I was glad we had that time. I am sure the stess of not having enough will help the fact you are out.

Doublebanker said...

That was already off your chest...that was the problem. You'll find that you'll be able to distance yourself a little more (a night out) without so much hassle. Not sure if that's what you want though...

Read my post about publishing salaries in the newspaper

Andie said...

I am so proud of you...that you gave it your all!! Just because your body doesn't want to cooperate, doesn't mean that you aren't an awesome mom!! You are the best mom those little girls could ever ask for!! They are blessed just to have you and your love!
Blessings my dear cousin-
Andie