A note to my cousin Andie

I hope you read this Andie....
I have tried on several different occasions to leave a comment on your page and every time the page freezes on me. So, just letting you know I read your blog daily and love keeping up with your family and life. Oh, and your kids are beautiful...and getting BIG!!!
Love,
Loni

Happy Tuesday!

Hi everyone! It feels like it's been forever since I posted. I haven't really been all that busy, except for normal, everyday stuff. It is just that the everyday stuff can really build up. Everything is going pretty well. Natalie is pappy free still and we are so proud. She has done an excellent job. She has stopped asking for it for the most part. I guess she has accepted it! Vanessa just keeps getting bigger by the day. She is so almost ready to roll over. She gets almost all the way and then her little leg becomes a kick stand and she can't go any further. It is so cute. She has also started playing with toys!! It is so much fun. She grabs stuff and shakes it, but the main objective is getting it in her mouth, of course! She has a set of stuffed bugs that have bells and squeakers and crinkles and she really loves them. They are bright and soft and she has so much fun. She also really likes the Jumperoo that my friend let us borrow. She will sit in it for a whole 5-10 minutes without needing me! Doesn't sound like much, but it is!
Other than that, not much to report. I have a lot to say, but I need time to say it and time is one thing I really don't have during the day. I will hopefully post tomorrow. I have new pictures of the girls that I had taken and I can't wait to share them. They came out so well.
Until then, have a great Tuesday!

A sentimental mess

What is wrong with me?
As I wrote last time, we finally got Natalie to give up her beloved pappy. She has been doing great! She only asked for it once last night at bedtime and then didn't mention it again. She tells everyone that the pappy fairy visited her. Since we are the only people on the face of the planet that calls a pacifier a pappy I am doing a lot of explaining to people about what exactly a pappy fairy is. It is amazing how many people used the same approach, or something very similar to it. I think I got the idea from a Supernanny episode. I love Supernanny, she is full of good ideas that have really worked for us.
Anyway, I have been a mess for the last few days. I am completely mourning my oldest daughters graduation from baby to little girl. Although I am pretty sure this transformation happened quite a while ago, I am just now really trying to accept it. And it is not easy. Right now I am sitting here watching Nat in her big girl panties doing a big girl preschool workbook on shapes. Wasn't it just yesterday she was in diapers chewing on her own feet?
Her vocabulary has always been great, but she did have a few cute ways of saying particular words. Butterfly was "beautifly", watermelon was "melon mutton", glasses were "goggies" and sunglasses were "sungoggies". Now she says all these words correctly and even gets aggravated when I slip and use the old terminology. I can't wait to see what fun words Vanessa comes up with when she begins talking. And I am already scared of when the time comes that she grows out of these babyisms. Maybe I am getting all crazy because everything Vanessa does reminds me of things Natalie did so long ago. Maybe it is because her pappies are in an envelope ready to go in her "remember box". Maybe it is because the years just go by too damn fast.
I guess there is no getting around the fact that Natalie is growing up. I honestly wouldn't want it any other way, but can't time just slow down a little?

"The Pappy Fairy"

I am finally ready to admit this publicly...my daughter, at 3 and a half years old, is a pacifier fiend. She loves it. Can't get enough. She has loved it since she was just a couple weeks old. Ever since, she has been attached. When she started talking she called it her "happy" and that evolved to "pappy". We eventually banned pappy's except for in bed. We have gone through countless pappy's over the years. They get lost (and then found much, much later in the weirdest places) or they get worn out. We told Natalie when she got this last new pappy that when it got old that was it. NO NEW PAPPY'S! Since our girl is really on the ball and knows her mom and dad very well she didn't take us all that seriously. She basically shrugged and said, "yeah right guys, let's see you follow through with this one!" and laughed at us. Needless to say, she didn't believe us.
So, today was the day. I have been talking a big game for two days now. We went with the good old bribery method of parenting and told her if we left her pappy's for the "pappy fairy" she would get a surprise in the morning. She was OK with this most of the times we talked. A few times I was informed that this pappy fairy was going to be thrown away in the trashcan (Natalie's favorite threat to anything she does not like). I was a little worried as bed time grew closer. I started not talking about the subject at all and even had to give Larry "the look" one time when he almost said the dreaded p word. I was in complete denial, and happy there.
We all said goodnight like usual except we skipped getting the most favorite pink pappy with the yellow star off of the shelf. She asked for it and I reminded her as happy as I could that tonight was the big night. She looked at me as if I was more then a little crazy, which at this point I might have been. I took her to her room and we actually sat down and read a few books without incident. Then I put her in bed.
She was really quite pissed off at this "pappy fairy" and had had more then enough of this nonsense. She wanted to go out and see if she was there so she could hit her. She wanted to throw that fairy right into the trash so she couldn't take her pappy's. She didn't care about a surprise. And then she went to sleep. Just like that. One minute I was in her room telling her to please lay down and try to close her eyes, the next I could hear her snoring softly. I should have been thrilled. Beyond thrilled. I should have been. But I just cried. I had some weird break down and I fed Vanessa her bottle. My first baby was growing up. She didn't really need her connection to babydom. It was me. I held her back. She probably could have gone through pappy rehab a long time ago. She is a big girl and I am so proud of her. We will see how the night goes, but whatever happens, I love that girl. She is a joy and a great kid.
Goodbye pappy!

Just Life

I wish I would win the lottery. I don't need the 100 Zillion dollar lottery or anything. I would be happy with a couple hundred thousand!
Larry and I decided that I really need a new car. Not only does it look like a major POS, it sometimes gets mad at me and has trouble starting. I love my Honda and have had it for years. It has been a great car and at 190 thousand miles it is still kicking. But I would really like a new one. So we started looking. We aren't looking for brand new, just newer and with lower mileage. Cars are EXPENSIVE! So we are cooling off the search for a while. We want to find just the right one. If we are going to spend money, it better be well worth it. Of course, I have all these ideas of what I want and so does Larry. Hopefully a car will come along that is the right make, model, color, have low mileage, have nice interior, and all for a low affordable price. I'm dreaming right?!?

Nat stayed at my parents Saturday night and we had some friends over. They are moving from our neighborhood next week. I am going to miss them so much. It's not like we will never see each other again, but I won't be able to just walk across the street anymore. I am sad. But we had a great time talking and laughing Saturday, and we even busted out some N64 Mario Kart! If you don't know what that is, you are missing out. It is only the best video game ever! We are hoping to get together again this weekend, but this time with our kiddos. As much as I am going to miss them, Natalie is going to miss Gavin even more. They get along so well and are so cute together. It is going to break her heart to see them go. We have started discussing it, but she is still a bit confused. The wind was blowing a piece of paper outside yesterday and she asked if it would move our house. I said no, houses don't just blow away. She said, but the wind is going to blow Gavin's house when they move. So I had to explain that their house was staying and someone else would be living there. She didn't like that one bit and was adamant that the wind was going to move all of them. I changed the subject and decided to handle this when it actually was happening. Poor girl, she dislikes change just as much as her mama does.
I guess I am going to go start planning what we are going to have for dinner. I have no idea, so it will probably end up being something pretty easy. Maybe even leftovers! Yay!

Finding her feet

Ness's new favorite activity......playing with her feet! She is so excited that she can find them, grab them and pull them almost all the way to her mouth! Let the milestones begin!

What a cutie

Inadvertant Cussing, Fake Smiles, and first laughs

The other night I was reading to Nat before she went to bed. She is allowed to pick 3 books to read. The first one we read was "Fox in Socks". If you are not familiar, it is one long tongue twister. It actually exhausts me to read it. So after that I was trying to get her to choose some shorter, easier books. Her fave right now is "The Witch's Vacation" by Norman Bridwell about two kids with a witch for a neighbor. Needless to say the word "witch" is used quite often. She chose to read this book twice instead of picking two different books. I was almost done with the second reading, I desperately needed a drink, and my mouth was tired. I was supposed to say "the witch helped my brother build another sand castle." Instead I said, " The bitch helped my brother build another sand castle." I knew I said it and didn't know quite what to do. If I reread it the correct way I was scared that I would be drawing attention to my slip. So, I just kept on reading. I don't think she is scarred for life!!

Yesterday I took the girls for pictures at JC Penney's. They were very good and posed perfectly. Vanessa smiled like a baby model. Natalie, on the other hand, used her fake picture smile. She has been doing this for a few years. If the picture is not candid and she is asked to smile for the camera, she will do this odd smile. She uses half her mouth and tilts her head and looks into space. I must admit that some of my favorite pictures of her feature this fake smile, but it is maddening when I really just want a nice sweet smile. I now understand every parent I have ever heard saying "just smile normal!!".

Vanessa is laughing. A lot. She is such a happy baby as long as she is getting pretty much constant attention. She is happiest in the mornings. She is nothing but smiles and coos. She has now started laughing. Right now she is laughing at her big sister dancing to a Sesame Street song. The cute thing though, is after she laughs she always has to give a tiny cough. She gets so excited she looses her breath and chokes a little. So there is always a squeaky laugh followed by a cough. Too cute!

Have a great day!

If I had only known

Last night I was trying to decide what to make for dinner. One option was goulash, but I wasn't sure exactly what to put in it. That got me to thinking about my grandma. She is in a nursing home in Sedgwick now, but back when she lived at home goulash was my favorite dinner that she made. Almost every time I would visit she would make a huge batch of goulash and mashed potatoes. I loved it and had seconds and even thirds most times. When I would talk to her she would ask when I wanted my special dinner again.
I wanted to call her and ask her what she made hers with last night, but ultimately knew I could not. She has Alzheimer's disease and I have a very real fear that she would not remember her recipe, or that I even liked it. I did not want to make her sad by reminded her that she cannot remember. And selfishly I did not want to know if she remembered all the dinners she had made for me. I like to believe that she does.
What made me sad the most was what I don't remember, though. While I do have lots of memories about eating and playing at Grandma and Grandpa's, I can't recall the last time I had Grandma's goulash. Or Grandpa's pancakes. Or the last time we all sat around their dining room table talking and laughing. Or the last time Grandpa could walk around unassisted. He has Parkinson's disease and is in pretty bad shape. I racked my brain and came up with so many memories of being with them, but not the ones I really needed. Why didn't I see those times as special? Why didn't I see that things would NEVER be the same again? Why did I take it all for granted?
Grandma and Grandpa will not be here forever. I realize and understand this fact. But it is so hard to watch them slowly slip away from us in mind and body. They have always been great Grandparents. Despite having lots of grand kids they always managed to make us feel special and loved. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my mom and her siblings did the right thing placing them in a home. We did not abandon them, we put them somewhere that they can be taken care of the way they need to be. We all go to see them as often as our busy lives allow. I love them so much. I am going to miss those goulash dinners, the pancakes, the nursery rhymes that Grandpa would purposely screw up so I could correct him. I miss them as they were. Vibrant. Full of life and love. Always up to tell a good story from the "old days". Always ready for as many hugs and kisses as I could give them. I think they are just tired now. Tired from the diseases that are waging war on their bodies. Tired from not being able to do the things that most want to do. Tired from living a full life.
This post is to them, even though I cannot even imagine either of them getting on a computer! I wrote to remind myself and all of you reading this that things are not infinite. Things change and eventually end. Grasp every memory while you can. Write it down, take pictures. Make it so one day you won't be standing in your kitchen holding a can of tomato sauce and crying because you don't remember your last goulash meal.

Oh, the joys of motherhood....

and there are many.
Last night, however, held very few of these said joys. What a long, long, long night. Usually Vanessa only wakes up twice. Last night she woke up at 12:00, 2:30, 4:00, 6:00, and at 7:30 she was ready to get up. Not only was Vanessa up, Natalie woke up a couple times which is very unusual. She just wanted me to come in and reassure her and tuck her in again, but I had to get up and wake up each time. Then Fritz, our dog, started puking. I couldn't even tell you what time that was!
So, the moral of this story is that this is one very sleepy mommy today. I have made a very good effort to contain my grumpiness, but it is hard. Natalie is being every bit of her three years today. Forget the terrible twos, the threes are so much worse because she can do so much more. Vanessa is being her usual self, meaning she wants to be held and talked to and FED constantly. So, if this post doesn't make sense it is because my brain is not working at full capacity.

New Pictures

"I'm ready to swim, Mom!"

(this child cracks me up!)

Nessa's 1st favorite toy, and the first thing she reaches for and grabs.

Our boys. They are so spoiled.

It's called driving...learn how to do it!!

I am not what anyone might call a patient person. This is especially true when it comes to driving. I admit that before I had kids I could yell some pretty nasty things at people. Since Natalie came along and repeats everything, I have had to censor myself a bit, but I still voice my opinion. Nat will be in the back seat saying "don't yell at them mom!" So now I tell her exactly why I am mad at the offending driver. She is getting a lesson in good driving already, and she's only three. Hopefully by the time she is 16 she will be the most conscientious driver out there. That would be one of my proudest moments.
I was just on my way home from work and there were a plethora of bad drivers out there today. So instead of losing my cool then I came home to vent on my blog. I figured that was more productive anyway.

1. Drive in the right lane please!!! My biggest pet peeve is when people don't drive in the right lane on the highway. The left lane is for passing people! Go as slow as you want in the other lanes, just leave the passing lane open so I can get around you.
2. Use your turn signals! (No, mom, I am not directing this at you. You have gotten a lot better about this!)
3. Turn off your turn signals when you are done! There was a hilarious article a long time ago (was is Dave Barry?) saying that if your turn signal is left on your car should automatically turn for you. I teased mom about this all the time because by their house you go around a curve to get on their road. She would always leave the signal on and I would tell her she was going to end up in the field one of those times.
4. Don't sight see. If you need to look closely at something pull over. Don't slow down to 5 miles per hour while cars line up behind you.
5. Just have some respect for the other cars on the road. So many people are only thinking of themselves when they drive. If you are considerate to others there will be less road rage and less accidents. And I would be a much happier individual.

Ok, I am done and I feel much better. Wow, this blog really is good for something. I was all tense and angry and now I am calm and ready to play with my girl. We will play with her matchbox cars and you better believe they will all drive exactly like I want them to!!

I should be cleaning!

But here I am in front of the computer. Don't tell my husband! I am still trying to put the house back together from when we tore it all up to paint. The contents of my medicine cabinet and bathroom storage cabinet are all in a box still. I just haven't gotten around to going through it and putting the stuff I am keeping back. I am such a procrastinator and always have been. I wait until the last possible minute to do anything.

Other than that, not much is going on. We are joining my mom and some of our friends for our monthly girls night out tonight. I really enjoy going and am so grateful that they all accepted "Patty's daughter" to join in. I have known all of these women for a long time now, and I genuinely feel that they are my friends as well as my mom's. It's nice to have a monthly dinner out with them. I get to try restaurants that I normally wouldn't and we always have great conversation. I get good parenting advice from people that have been there and we always laugh and laugh. Usually we have the rest of the restaurant looking at us, so I guess it is good we go before the big dinner rush! We have had more then one waiter or waitress tell us we are the most fun table they have. We are just some wild and crazy girls! So, if any of you are reading this, I will see you tonight and thanks again for letting me crash the party!!

I am a terrible American

I am feeling quite hypocritical today.
Here I am, watching the Live Earth concert and thinking of all the things I could be doing but don't. I am a big fan of Al Gore. I don't care if he is a bit robotic or dull. I don't care if people make fun of him for saying he "invented the Internet". I love the man. I think he is doing a great thing for not only our country, but also the world. He is trying to save us all. Maybe he doesn't follow every rule or do everything just perfect, but he is doing more than most of us. I wish he would run for president again because he would have my vote. In my humble opinion, global warming is a much bigger problem than gay marriage or abortion or any other "political topic" that is really just a private decision. The climate and it's well being affects all of us. If there is no earth, there is no us. We are ruining it little by little. We could at least slow this down. At the rate we are going it is almost like we want to destroy it as fast as possible.
Again, I feel this way, but am I really doing anything. Granted I don't drive some big Hummer and I never would. I drive a fuel efficient Honda and would drive a hybrid if I could afford one. I don't use aerosol sprays. I don't litter, and Natalie and I have been known to pick some up if we come across it. But I don't recycle. It would be so easy to just throw the trash in bins to recycle and I have said I was going to time and time again. Yet here I am, throwing my pop cans in with my plastic milk jugs and my paper cups. If today were New Years I would say that I am making a resolution, but it is 7-7-07, so I will just say I'm going to make a change. I am going to do just that one little thing to help Mother Nature out. She is the boss mama after all. The Indians had it right to worship the land we live on, the sun that sustains us, the water and animals that nourish us, the earth in general. Is there really anything more important?
So, after that rant to myself I will say that I am actually sorry this week is almost over. I figured by today Larry and I would be so sick of each other we would be glad for Monday to come. Not so much. We have had a really nice, but busy, week with only a couple arguments here and there. We have painted two rooms and are much closer to painting the rest then we were before. We had fun with Natalie and Vanessa. It was a really nice week. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to getting our schedule back on track. It is nice to know, though, that my hubby and I can spend a whole week together doing something as stressful as home redecoration and come out of it without hating each other.
Well, Vanessa is in one of her talkative, "pay attention to me" moods so I had better go talk to her. I love her smiles and laughs, she is a joy, just like her big "sniffer" (sister to those of you not in the know!).
Recycle, use less gas, don't litter....let's all try to keep this crazy world going!!

Is it Friday already?

This week has been SO busy. But we have been productive and had a lot of fun, so I guess it is worth it.

We had a great 4th, even though it rained all night. We went to my parents to celebrate. Dad, Larry, Nat and I went fireworks shopping and spent too much. Natalie loved picking out all the cool chickens and cars and sparklers. We go home and start shooting stuff off and all of a sudden it gets dark outside. Dark enough to do some night works. Then the wind rolls in and then the rain, of course. So we stayed inside and kept checking if the rain had slowed down. Every time it did we would run out and shoot off as many as we could. Then it would start raining again and we would all head back inside. I have to say though, the fireworks had a very special quality against the cloudy, rainy sky. They were very pretty. Natalie liked them a lot and would even pause from playing when they were going off. I would have to say her favorite activity of the day was catching rolly-pollies and putting them in her bug house. They had names and family designations and everything. She kept telling my she was "saving" them, but I doubt they felt that way! Vanessa was great. She got surprised a couple of times by the extra loud fireworks, but other than that she enjoyed herself.

Well, better get back to painting the house. The living room is almost done.....yay!!! I am so sick of painting. It's one of those things that is really fun at first. Now I am tired of it!

Here are some pictures of the 4th...

Happy 4th of July!!

Yay!!! It's the 4th of July. My favorite holiday besides Christmas. I've always loved the 4th and everything that comes with it. When I was little my parents would have some friends over that had kids and we would play and swim and shoot of fireworks and EAT!!! It was always such a laid back, fun time. I remember catching fireflies with Healy and Katie and then all sitting on a big blanket to watch our dads shoot fireworks. There were always big laughs and usually at least one "oh, crap, did we set the house on fire?" moment.
This year we are going to my parents house to celebrate. Natalie is so excited. She has been going through the fireworks ad all week telling us exactly what she wants (a small tank, parachutes, and a purple fountain). I can't wait to see the fireworks, but I think I am more excited about seeing Nat watch the fireworks.
I better go so I can get to work before the big holiday begins. Yes, we are still painting and it is hell! But we are making good progress (the bathroom should be finished today and the living room is prepped). I love how my blue and white bathroom turned out and I can't wait until I can decorate it and make it perfect!
Have a wonderful and safe 4th and we will try and do the same!