George W. Bush makes me sick

I read a blog of a woman who is going back to grad school to become a social worker. She is working with cancer patients in a very prominant hospital and recieved this email...

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Dear Colleagues,

Last week I sent information about the S-CHIP program which is due to expire on Sept 30th, the end of the federal fiscal year. Today, the House and Senate have worked out a compromise which is scheduled to be voted on this week. Once there is a consensus bill passed in the Congress, it will go to the president for his signature. President Bush continues to say that he will veto this bi- partisan, compromise bill in the name of fiscal restraint. The funding to expand the S-CHIP program by $35 billion over five years would come from 61-cent-per-pack increase in the tobacco tax. The expanded bill will cover an additional 4 million children (from 6.6 million currently covered to 10 million).
I am sending a link to the Kaiser Daily Health Policy Report for your review. If the bill is vetoed or expires on Sept 30th, millions of children will become uninsured and the patients you work with who are currently covered under your states S-CHIP program will be uninsurable if they do not qualify for Medicaid and their parents do not currently have private insurance.
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It just makes me so mad. We can spend endless amounts of money on a war that is a joke at best, but we can't spend anything to keep sick kids insured. How sad is that? Bush made a stupid decision to attack a country for something that they did not do (I'm not saying Hussein wasn't a bad guy, he is just not THE bad guy we should have gone after at that point). Now we are putting so many resources, so much money, and most importantly, so many of our soldiers into Iraq that we don't have enough of those things here when we need them.
We are one of the American families that have struggled with the insurance question. Working at a small, family run business, we don't have access to good, cheap insurance. Larry and I aren't even insured. All we can do is hope and pray we don't get sick (knock on wood). I am so scared Bush is going to screw us all out of any insurance before he leaves office. I am counting the days until the next election. I can't wait to get this man OUT OF OFFICE.
Please do not think I am "unAmerican" or not patriotic. I love my country and what we stand for. And that is exactly why I am so against Bush. He is ruining so many things that it will be so hard for whomever takes his place to correct them. I am worried about the economy, foreign relations, education, the environment, health insurance, taxes, people's right to privacy, etc.... I basically feel very let down by this administration. I CANNOT believe they were elected twice. We need someone who is more interested in the good of the whole country instead of just a small portion of it. I don't know who that will be yet, I am still doing my homework on that. In general I distrust politians, but Bush tops 'em all.
(sorry for the political rant. I just had to get it out.)

The flu just won't leave us alone! The girls and I are ok, there are just a few residual effects that I won't get into here (you're welcome!!). I was very hopeful that Larry wouldn't get it at all. He tends to get sick less then the rest of us. But last night, all of a sudden it hit him hard. So now he is sick with this stupid crud. The worst parts only lasted for about 24 hours for the rest of us and I hope it is the same for him. Get it all over with and then we can have a relaxing and recuperating weekend.

In other news, on Wednesday my sister-in-law Lesley had her sonogram and found out she is having a little boy. She really wanted a little girl I think, but she is getting excited about a boy now. I told her that after carrying the baby, laboring with the baby, and delivering the baby it could come out a rat and she would still love it and think it was adorable. So I am having a new nephew that will be named Brayden Thomas sometime in early February.

I will end this with some pictures. Have a great day and weekend!!

Here are a couple from Sedgwick County Zoo

Here we are at Rolling Hills in Salina

At the Fair!

Dance Class

The girls with my grandparents

YUCK!!!!

The flu has invaded our house with a vengeance. And I can't tell you how gross it has been. It really all started Saturday with Vanessa. She puked 5 times. I couldn't believe it at first. She is only 20 weeks old, way too young to have the flu in my opinion. At first I tried to convince myself it was just a really bad spit-up episode. I actually believed that for about a minute. Then I could see she didn't feel good and was just a little warm. Then she exploded again. All over me each and every time. It was like she waited for me to be holding her and then let it go. I was so worried about her, I called the doctor Saturday evening. We took her off the bottle and just gave her some pedialite for the night and she finally stopped the puking. But then it started coming out the other end. Then Sunday afternoon, Natalie started up with the same thing. Two little girls just as sick and gross as could be. It was not a fun weekend to say the least. Natalie took it pretty well. (When she first started feeling yucky she asked me if there was a baby in her tummy. I guess throwing up will always be associated with pregnancy in this house thanks to me. I told her there was not and she asked if there would be. I told her that maybe when she got older. Then she asked if someone would put it there. I changed the subject!!!) They are both feeling better today, except they are still having "bathroom troubles". Now I feel like shit. I haven't thrown up and hopefully I won't, but I am drained and my tummy is in knots. Thankfully I made it through their worst days while I could still function properly. Now I am pretty useless. I have managed to keep them fed (although neither of them are eating that much), and relatively clean. I can't wait until 7:30 comes around...I could really use Larry here. Let's all just hope really hard that he doesn't get sick too. I really couldn't handle that right now.

Finally, some quiet time

It has been so long since I had a minute to sit and write. We have been busy, busy, busy. It has been a very fun week though. We have had a great time and the girls have been very good (for the most part). We spent 7 hours having a great time at the fair. The only thing that we missed doing was watching the pig races. We kept forgetting about them and when we finally got over there they were over for the day. Bummer for Natalie and me! We also had Natalie's first dance class. It was SO cute. The little girls shuffled and walked like butterflies and began learning left and right. Nat had a great time and did really well. She gets distracted sometimes, but come on, she's three!
Other than being so busy our lives are pretty normal. Which is good. I am glad it's the weekend. I really enjoy it when Larry is here to spend the days with us. He helps me a lot with the girls which is a welcome relief, but we also just have a lot of fun. He is a great daddy and is very hands on and involved. I really couldn't have picked a more perfect person to have kiddos with. I know people that don't feel like that..and you better believe I appreciate the kind of father he is. My kids are my life, and feels the same way.
Well, I knew alone time couldn't last forever. Natalie just got up and is meowing to get my attention, so I think I will go play kitty cat for a while. What a great way to spend a Saturday morning!

Updates

We've been one busy little family lately, and we are only going to get busier. Fall is such a busy season for us, but I am more than ready. Bring it on!!!
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Last Friday was Vanessa's 4 month doctor appointment, just a little late. She weighs 12 pounds, 13 ounces. She is doing really well and everything looked good. It was too funny though, she kept her feet up by her mouth the whole time he was examining her. I had to literally unfold her so he could check her tummy.
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On Saturday we went up to Salina to the Rolling Hills Wildlife Adventure on a whim. We had a great time. They have a nice zoo, and a really cool museum. Natalie had a great time both places, but actually preferred the museum. She loves zoos, but we go often enough that they are not something "new". We had gone to the Sedgwick County zoo on Wednesday AND Thursday (it started raining on Wed before we were ready to leave so we went back the next day). I think we are all zooed out for a bit. At least for this week!
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Today was Nat's second day of school since last Monday was Labor Day. She had another good day according to Miss Katie. She made a neat palm tree picture and told me they read "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom". We have that book at home and read it sometimes, so she thought it was pretty cool that they were doing something at school that she did at home. When I went to pick her up I arrived a little early and watched her play on the playground for a bit. She is so cute, but I am worried about her being a loner. Three little girls were on one of the merry-go-rounds and instead of taking the fourth seat, Natalie got on another one all by herself. I am sure it is just her age and maybe a touch of shyness, but it still worries me. I am a mother....everything worries me. She did sit with some other kids when a teacher brought out some books and read to them outside. That was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. All these little kids around the teacher listening to Curious George. I am so glad she is in this program. I almost waited another year to put her in school, but now I think I would have regretted it if I did. I wish I would have gotten her in sooner truthfully. It really teaches her the social skills that can only be learned outside the house, when mommy is not around.
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This week is chalk full of fun. Tomorrow Natalie will spend the evening with her Grandparents while I go to our monthly girls night out with Mom and the gals. We are going to Pizztros (sp?) and I am excited to try something new. I would feel bad about not taking Natalie, but I know she will have so much more fun with Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Lesley and all the dogs. Wednesday Mom, Nat, Ness and I are going to the fair. I am so excited. The fair has always kind of marked the beginning of the busy fall and winter seasons for my family. One day closer to Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all the birthdays that are clustered into the next few months. Thursday is Natalie and her friend Alexis's first dance class. They are taking Tap, Ballet, and Jazz for Tots. Don't worry.....I won't be able to resist posting pictures I am sure. We are also going to my grandparents for a dinner and dance Thursday night. A dance. Seriously. I told my mom I would go but I am absolutely positively NOT dancing. I can't even imagine how those very old people will dance, but it will probably be pretty cute....as long as I am sitting in a chair on the side!
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So, that's what's going on in our lives. Mom will be pissed that I didn't put any pics with this post, so "I'm sorry Mom, I will send you some soon. Promise!" Hope everyone else is having as much fun as we are here in Roatville.

My girl

Sometimes I just love Natalie so much I could burst.

I always love both my daughters, and I make sure they know that. But there are times, especially with Natalie since Vanessa can't even move yet, that I don't like them too much. Natalie can be a handful. She is strong willed and stubborn. She knows what she likes and she is not afraid to let you know. I am a bit out of my element with her. When I was little I was shy. Now, with my parents I was, of course, a pain in the ass. Out in public I wasn't so much. I was always afraid to be made fun of. I didn't want to be "the joke". This fear of mine brought me to think I was being made fun of constantly. I tried desperately to not do anything that made could be mocked, ridiculed, and/or laughed at. God forbid if anyone laugh at me. I honestly couldn't even laugh at myself. Looking back, it is kind of sad that I grew up feeling like this. I can think of so many incidents where I could have had real fun if I would have let myself. My parents pushed me gently to be more outgoing. I just couldn't. Simple as that.

I remember times at school were I was beyond mortified, and I am most definitely the ONLY one who remembers them at all. I obsessed for years, literally, about the time in 5th grade that I pronounced it "bo constrictor" instead of boa. A few kids laughed and corrected me. They weren't mean or anything. But I still remember it. I grew out of this debilitating fear around 8th grade. I came out of my shell so to speak.


Natalie is not, and has never been, like this. She jumps in head first and has a blast doing it. She is not afraid to make a mistake, she just goes for it. I admire this. She has a lot of fun in her life. While I do think she has the right idea about life, it makes it more difficult for me. She is always on the go when we are out. She is a leader and will be the first to run and do. This wasn't so bad before Vanessa, but now it is very hard to keep up with her while lugging around an infant. So I try to reign her in....and she gets mad. Another thing she is not shy about is showing her feelings in public. She could care less if there are people around when she tells me I am a "stupid mommy", or when she throws a screaming, kicking, completely out-of-control fit. And I try my best to stop the fit while also teaching her that she doesn't get her way when she acts like that. It is embarrassing at times, and I have had to deal with that. As much as I have always hated being embarrassed it has been quite a task to realize I am not the only women to have her daughter yell at her in public and that the majority of people aren't looking at me with disdain, but rather with a sense of "been there, done that".

Nat is basically a very good girl. She plays nicely with her friends, she is gentle with animals, she has good manners, she loves her family and lets us all know, and she is extremely smart. She is three-years-old though, and I am a firm believer that the terrible threes are a lot worse then the terrible twos. They just have another year of experience to play off of. One more year of studying how to manipulate mom, how to push mom's buttons.

Because of all this I really appreciate the times, like last night, when she is so loving and good. When she is playing with her dolls, giving them hugs and kisses and being such a great nurturer. When she goes in the bathroom, shuts the door, and I hear her excited little voice say "I DID IT" when she finally realizes that it is not so bad to poop in the potty instead of a pull-up. When the only people she wants to celebrate with when she accomplishes something is her mom and dad. When she comes and crawls up on to my lap, kisses my cheek and says "I just love you so much mommy". I do too baby, more then you will ever, ever know.

Dream On

I have been having the weirdest, most vivid dreams lately. It is kind of driving me crazy. I tend to dream more and remember them when my sleep is disrupted or I'm not getting enough. Vanessa is really good at making sure I'm not getting enough sleep! Last night she woke up laughing and giggling at 1:30 and stayed up until about 3:30. I will tell you I tried everything to get her back to sleep, but she was ready to play. I finally plopped her in her swing with her blanket and watched a movie (The Whole Nine Yards was on tv, I don't love that movie, but it's better then anything else on at that time in the morning). Then Natalie woke up every fifteen to twenty minutes for an hour and a half. I think she might have woke up when I was putting Vanessa back down and then couldn't get back to sleep right. And what do you do when that happens? Call for mama of course. I was bringing her drinks of water, covering and recovering her, making sure the moon was still outside, finding Mercedes, her Cabbage Patch baby that she sleeps with, and basically running back and forth between our rooms. So, when I did get to sleep I started dreaming crazy again. I mentioned yesterday I had a dream about my uncle. Last night I was dreaming about this mean girl I have not seen or even thought of since college. She was in every dream I had. Weird!! I really need some good, uninterrupted sleep. Try telling my kids that though.

Family

My uncle is having some pretty serious health problems. He has been in and out of the hospital for months. He is now in SICU after a surgery (successful) and unable to move his legs or even wiggle his toes. I have full faith that he will do both of these things again, I just hope it is sooner rather than later.

There is something pretty special about my mom's side of the family. Along with my grandma and grandpa there are five siblings, their spouses, 12 grandkids, 8 grandkid spouses, and 17 great-grandkids(it took me a while to count all of us!). We have all stayed pretty close to home, with just a few leaving the area for jobs. We are a tight-knit group. Everyone is involved and gets together several times a year. We have traditions that have lasted generations. At Christmas time we all get together, eat, open presents, and sing Christmas carols. Yes, we actually sing them...all together....as a group. We all sing from song sheets my aunt typed years ago. There are several typos that we all sing and then laugh. The song "12 Days of Christmas" will always have 2 turtly doves in my mind.
But the really special thing about my family is that we are all there for each other. We email daily with updates on medical issues, traveling plans, news on my grandparents (who we all go visit in their nursing home as often as we can), and anything else that pops into our minds. We care about what is going on in each others lives. We visit when someone has a baby (which happens quite often!). We reassure when someones kid has to go in for medical tests. We celebrate when those tests come back negative, or comfort when the news is not so great.

I am worried about my uncle and his family. But I know they will get through this rough time. They have a family that is there and that cares and I KNOW that they know that. Like I said, there is something special about my family. We are never truly alone. There is always someone there. How reassuring is that? I know it makes me feel safer and not as scared. I just hope they all feel the same (somehow I have a feeling that they do).

I typed this last night and went to bed before I posted it. I was dreaming this morning before Vanessa woke me up at 7am (thanks sweetie). I don't really remember what was going on in my dream, just that I was talking to someone. In the middle of my dream conversation in walked my uncle. WALKED!! He was wearing a hospital gown, but other than that he looked good. I kept telling him it was too soon to just be walking all over the place, but he just laughed at me and told me he felt fine. I take this as a good sign. I love you Terry and Barb, Aaron and Andie and your families. Be strong, but when you can't we will all be strong for you. Hugs, kisses, and pain free nights and days to all of you.

A friend is someone who knows everything about you, and likes you anyway!

I remember the exact minute when I first met Liz.
I was going to KU, and I felt pretty alone. I had friends and acquaintances, but nobody that I felt like I could really be myself around. Anyway, a girl I knew from high school but never really hung out with called me one day and asked if I wanted to meet her and some friends at a bar in Lawrence. I was a bit hesitant because she was in a sorority and so was one of her friends that was coming. Now I have nothing against sorority girls for the most part, but I had had some not very nice experiences with them in the dorms. I went though because I was bored and lonely. Thank the lord that I did.
I met them outside the bar. They were waiting in line to get in (the KU mens basketball team frequented this place often, so there was always a line). I found Alicia and she introduced me to her sorority sister Laura. Laura then introduced me to her friend from high school, Liz. We had a good time that night. I like all three girls a lot. They were mainly laid back, fun people. We all kept hanging out, going to bars, going to each others rooms or apartments. We even planned a big spring break trip to Cancun our sophomore year (a story for another time!).
As time went on I began becoming better friends with Liz. She was hilarious and fun, but a little timid and shy. I know we were good friends before we went to Cancun, but I really remember that trip as the week I really saw what a good friend she really was. (Although I'm not sure how good a friend I was! She kept telling us she didn't feel very good, but we kept dragging her out drinking and dancing and being crazy. Turns out, she had mono the whole time!) We decided to try to be roommates our junior year. I had an apartment and several revolving roommates, not one that I could actually stand. So, for her to move in was a no-brainer.
This is where that quote in the title of this post comes in. I was a horrible roommate. I was messy (to say the absolute least), I was noisy, I was not responsible with bills and getting them paid on time, I was in a pretty crazy part of my life when I was searching desperately for who I was. She was great, she was clean and organized, quiet, responsible (ok, we both had a little problem when it came to money!), and a dream roommate. And she still loved me. We probably had a few arguments or times when we weren't crazy about the other, but those are not the moments that stick in my mind. I remember the times when we were inseparable. We had so much fun. We really kind of balanced each other out. She kept me in check when I got to out of control, and I pushed her to do crazy stuff she might not have done otherwise. We climbed the fence and swam in the apartment pool at 2 in the morning in our clothes. We took day trips to Kansas City to see her family (where she sent me to the back of the car to get a stupid furby that was making noise, slammed on the breaks, and almost sent me though the wind shield....good times!) I became very close with her family, they were my second family and I always felt I had someone close if I needed them. We had parties that were so much fun. But we also had quiet moments, just talking and being there for each other.
I have no idea how I would have gotten through that year without her. We both saw each other through boy troubles, work troubles, school troubles, family troubles. There was more than once that I slept on her bedroom floor. There was more than once I cried on her shoulder. Literally. She became my best friend. Someone I knew that I would be close with forever. After our junior year we both moved out of the apartment. She came home with me to Wichita to visit. She was there when Larry and I got together.
Then Larry and I decided to get married and we moved back to Lawrence together. She decided to stay in Kansas City with her family. We didn't see each other all that much. It was sad, but every time we did talk or see each other it went right back to where we were. There has never been a time I felt we had to "reconnect". We were always already connected. She was my maid of honor in my wedding, and I was a bridesmaid in hers. We talk as often as our lives allow and get together when we can. We are both married and she has a BEAUTIFUL little girl...that looks just like her! They were going to come visit for Labor day weekend, but circumstances will not allow it now. I am bummed, but I know that she is doing what needs to be done for her family. And I respect that.
I just want her, and the whole world, to know what she means to me. She is that one friend that I have no doubt will last my whole life. I love her like she is family, and I guess she is in a way. We both earned a place in each others families.
Thank you for reading this extremely long post. I was laying in bed last night and knew I had to write it. This is a kind of a journal for me and a way to keep track of my life. Liz is a major part of my life and what I have become. Thank you my dear friend. What would I have done without you?

It was a success!!!

I am so proud of my big girl. She did great at school! Turns out I really didn't have anything to worry about. She played nice, ate her lunch pretty well, went potty twice, and had fun. The only thing her teacher said she needed to work on was staying put where she was supposed to be. She would sit when told, but staying there proved to be a bit more difficult. She would wander off to play and have to be reminded to come participate. This is her first time in a situation like this. So far she has been with me, her dad, or her grandparents. That's it. We didn't have organized circle time or even organized lunch! So this is something she just needs to get used to. I'm sure as the school year goes on she will realize that being a part of the group is not only a rule, but also fun! My cousin (who works downstairs in the baby room, but went up to check on her) told me the class made hand prints, but Natalie was off playing. I still don't know if Natalie made any or not. My cousin said that the teacher might have hung them on the wall so just because she didn't bring one home doesn't mean she didn't do one. I asked Natalie and couldn't get any solid info! First it was "no, I didn't want to do that", then it was "I didn't bring it home", then the story changed all together!! I have a feeling getting the scoop about school is going to be hard with Nat.
So, anyway, she had a good day. I was too antsy to really enjoy my time. School falls at Vanessa's nap time, so I can see that I will have some alone time....and I am excited about that! But yesterday I really just wanted to pick her up and find out how she did. I laid Vanessa down and tried to watch tv, but I just kept wanting to leave. I finally decided to go eat some lunch in the parking lot and wait! My mom even called and kept me on the phone for a while to stall me, she knew sitting in the car forever would just make me more anxious. But, as I said, I am looking forward to those times when I don't feel like I have to worry about her every minute and can spend some time doing what I want to do.
OH!!!! I almost forgot!!! The car search is officially over. We bought a car on Sunday and finalized everything yesterday. How fun! I really like the car, it has everything that I wanted and a little more. Natalie likes it because it has a "window on the roof"! It is so nice to drive an automatic again, except I am constantly trying to push the clutch or shift. I think it is going to be a good family car (knock on wood) and I am going to enjoy it very much....it's pretty!!!! I completely forgot to put what kind of car we got (thanks Andie)! It is a silver Hyundai Elantra. I just got home and I have to tell you....I LOVE driving it!!

Have a good day everyone!

Today is the big day!!!

Natalie is officially at school! Oh my god, when did she get so big?!?!? Larry and I took her at 9:30 this morning. I expected a bit of clinginess, but no. Not so much as one tear! Of course, that makes me happy that she was so ready and excited, but it also made me a little sad. How selfish of me! She looked so cute with her giant Tinkerbell backpack, new shoes, and big girl haircut. We walked into her classroom and she saw the toys and kids and she was gone. We had to get her to meet her teacher (Miss Katie) and put her backpack away. I asked some questions, which were all answered just the way I would have wanted them to be. I think this is going to be great. I hope she has a wonderful day. I just love her so so so so much. It's only been less then 2 hours and I already miss her. I can't wait to pick her up and find out how everything went. Here are a few pics of my beautiful big girl on her first day of school. I will try to update later to tell you all how it went!

lots..and lots....and lots...and lots of pictures

I finally got all my pictures on the computer. Here are some new pics....there are a ton!

Natalie riding a mini-horse at the park

Nat and her good friend Gavin watching a movie

Vanessa fell asleep sitting up

These next pictures are from All Star sports. What fun!

What silly girls

Vanessa's first taste of rice cereal. She really liked it!!

"OK Natalie, I think she has enough toys now."

Natalie's idea of perfect tomato picking attire (note the Micheal Jacksonesque one Dora glove, the backwards dress, and the shoes on the wrong feet.) She was stylin'.

Finally, two very recent pictures of Vanessa. She is 4 months old and too cute for words!

Just another day in the life of us!

I have a headache. It really sucks. It is one of those ones where your head just feels "full", like maybe I am getting sick. Oh please don't let me be getting sick! That would NOT be good right now. I am just going to think positive thoughts and I will not allow myself to get sick.
Yesterday was a busy, but fun, day. We started out by meeting Mom for lunch at Souper Salad. I love that place. We can all find something we like and Natalie likes sitting at the tables with "rainbrellas" on them. Then we headed over to the house my dad is in the middle of flipping. If you don't know what flipping is, it is when you buy a house that needs a lot of work for cheap, fix it up, sell it and make a profit. He is doing the work for another guy. We saw the house when they were first starting and then yesterday. They have made it SO cute. It is a neat house to begin with. It has cool windows and doors, a fireplace, the greatest built in shelving unit, a GIANT bathroom, and lots of space downstairs. If you can't tell I LOVE this house! It's going to be a really neat house for some family. Anyway, after visiting with Dad for awhile we went to Target and finished up school shopping for Natalie. She got a new backpack, a lunch pack, an outfit to send in case of accidents, and lots of lunch foods. I think she is all ready, except now she doesn't want to go because it continues to get more real by the day that mama doesn't get to go too. This bothers her very much. Oh, and she doesn't want to stand in lines!! I wish I had her problems! After Target we went to the Beehive Salon to get Natalie a new school haircut..it turned out super cute. It is a chin length bob and it makes her look so old. As my mom said, it is a classic little girl haircut. I also got my hair cut since Cindy had a bit of time before her next appointment. Mine is not all that different, it mainly just looks healthier.
So that was our day, probably pretty boring to read about! I promise I will have more exciting stuff to post soon. Our life may not be all glitz and glamour, but I like it just the same!

The countdown is on!!

In exactly one week from today Natalie starts "school"! The reality is setting in for mommy. It's not even real school...it's a "mom's day out" program at a church here in town. She goes one day a week for four hours. They read a book, play a game, do an art activity, play outside, have lunch, etc.. Sounds like preschool to me!! I just wasn't quite sure either of us were ready for a three day a week preschool program and this is a wonderful way to ease into it. My cousin works there so I will have someone I trust completely close to my baby girl. I'm still a nervous wreck, and it's still a week away.
We are about ready I think. We bought all the school "supplies" she needs and we go Wednesday to get her lunch box and stuff for her to take for lunch. I'm kind of worried because she is such a picky eater and there is not much she likes that is appropriate to send in a school lunch. I guess I will send sandwiches and stuff and if she doesn't eat it oh well. She won't starve!! She is also getting her hair cut on Wednesday at Cindy's salon. She loves going there and is more excited about that then actual school!
I think she is going to like it so much. She is such a social butterfly (more on that later). We drive by the church every chance we get and she has seen the playground. She has given it the thumbs up, and isn't that what really matters!

I am going to go play with Nat now. We are being Bob the Builders and can we build it? YES WE CAN!!

I'm better today

So, Wednesday was a shitty day. A horrible, rotten, no-good day. A cry-in-front-of-your-mother-in-law day. Yes, you read correctly. I cried in front of Larry's mom. I meant to laugh, but sobs came out instead. I was so embarrassed! Luckily I have a GREAT mother-in-law. I love her so much. She was so nice and offered to take Natalie for a while so maybe I could relax a little. I didn't take her up on the offer though, I just thought we should work through it. Not such a smart idea. I just have to remember Natalie is 3 and adjusting to a new sister and less individual attention from mom. She is such a great kid. I love her to pieces, we just didn't get along too well on Wednesday. Since then I have been really making an effort to make one-on-one time for the two of us. We were going to go to lunch together today while my mom watched Vanessa. We have been talking about it for two days now and I was super excited. So this morning I asked her where she wanted to go and she said, "Nana will watch Nessa and me and you can go your own way." I asked if instead she wanted all of us to go to lunch and she said yes. So we all went and she had a great time.
She really has been a lot better the last couple days. I think we both just needed to get some frustration and sadness off of our shoulders. We got it all out and now we are ok again. I can't tell you how many times she has said she loves me lately and of course I say it back to her double. She is the light of my life and I cannot imagine one day without her. Ok, one day maybe, if she was with people I trusted and I knew she was having fun!!
So, after lunch today we headed to the mall. I had to pick up some pictures from JC's and Penney's (what Nat calls it), and since she was so good yesterday I promised her she could ride the little cars they have by the food court. She rode all four that they have AND we had ice cream from Dairy Queen. You would think she would want to be good all the time since she is so spoiled rotten when she does behave. When we were at Penney's mom bought Nat her first pair of school shoes...is she really that old already? They are the cutest little pair of white, pink, and silver Nikes! She looks like such a big girl wearing them. She also got a pair of dressier brown shoes and a pair of sparkly "fancy" blue shoes. Yes, her Nana spoils her!!! She has more shoes then I do!
I just wanted to update since the last thing I put on here was how bad my mood was! Life is better and I am really trying to remember to take one day at a time. Just because today is bad doesn't mean tomorrow will be. And just because today is good, doesn't mean you should take tomorrow for granted. How philosophical of me! I have to go wake Nat up now and enjoy my girls!!!!

ps. still trying to get the pictures on the computer. as soon as I do I will post some. you wouldn't believe how much Ness has changed in such a short period of time!

Your Mood is a 2...this says it all today...

Your Mood is a 2

Ugh, you're feeling pretty bad right now. You're definitely in a funk.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howdoesyourmoodratequiz/">How Does Your Mood Rate?

3-year-olds say the weirdest things!

Natalie is weird. Don't worry, I'm not making fun of her or anything. That would essentially be making fun of myself anyway because I am quite certain she got every ounce of weirdness from her mommy. But the things she says definitely make me pause. Take this conversation from this weekend for example.

Me: what's wrong with you? why are you so upset? I didn't even do anything!

Nat: I'm crying because the world out there is changing. (said in a VERY dramatic voice with a VERY dramatic head tilt)

Me: WHAT?

Nat: The world is changing and I don't like it.

Me: WHAT? You're three!

Nat: I just don't like it.

....and she went to her room to play. I was dumbstruck. Then a little while later she was talking to her Nana on the phone. She had been in trouble and had been crying so her voice was a bit shaky....

Nana: Hi sweetie. Are those mean parents of yours not letting you do anything and everything you want including eating nothing but chocolate pudding, jumping from the couch and trying to land on the dogs, and going outside alone completely naked to chase the ice cream truck? (ok, this is not exactly what she said, but you get the idea)

Nat: No, Nana. I have been crying all day because the world out there is changing.

Nana: WHAT?

Nat: The world is changing and I think that means it's going to explode.

Nana (and me simultaneously): WHAT!!!

Nat: It's going to explode.

Me: Honey, the world is not going to explode.

Nana: No, the world is not going to explode.

Nat: I think it is.

...and she went off to play.
Now, before you all sit there and say "what in the hell are these bad parents letting their little girl watch on tv?" I have to say I am very careful of everything she watches. She can usually only watch videos that have been pre-screened by us. If not that she watches Sprout or Noggin kid shows. I am SURE, absolutely SURE, that she is not watching shows about the apocalypse. The last time I checked Sesame Street did not teach kids about the world exploding. So I don't have any idea where this came from. None. At. All.
So I have come up with two conclusions. One, she was just being weird again and didn't really even know what she was saying. Two, she is some sort of crazy 3-year-old prophet brought to earth to warn us of our demise.

Let's hope she's just weird!

Nursing....the end of another era in my life

Ok. I think I am finally mentally ready for this post. I guess I have been putting it off, but I am not going to anymore. This blog is meant to keep others posted on our lives, but it is also for me and my family. I use it as a journal in a way. I look forward to being able to read it in the coming years and remembering what was going on at that time. I wish I had done it when Natalie was little and maybe I would remember more of her milestones and when they happened. I wrote it all down.....somewhere. But this is all very convenient, one place for everything. So, here goes.

I am officially done nursing Vanessa. There I said it. And maybe it is just now that I am really accepting it. It wasn't entirely by choice, although I do know that we could have kept trying different things. I just ran out. I stopped producing enough milk for my baby. It happened the same way with Natalie at about the same time. Our bonding, snuggle time that I loved so much was replaced by frustration and tears (on both our parts) and at the end I still had a very hungry kid. It just wasn't right anymore. I had started supplementing when she acted like she wasn't getting enough and I was on empty. She took to it right away, no problem switching from breast to bottle and back again. It went well for a while, but slowly I was running out faster. I don't think it was because she didn't want to work as hard for it, because believe me, she worked. I don't think it was because I was doing it less, I always tried at every feeding before making a bottle. I just think this is what my body does.
I am sad about that period in our life ending, but we really are doing great. Feeding time is fun again. We relax and snuggle and gaze into each others eyes. Yes, there is a bottle of formula between us, but she can still use one hand to grab my shirt and the other to rub my fingers. She is full when we are done and gives me a big "thank you" smile and burp. I feel like I am nourishing her the best I can.
It is not as easy. I am getting in a pretty good rhythm, but making and warming bottles takes more time then just moving my shirt aside. She can get a little impatient waiting for me. The up side is that feeding her in public is easier. I wasn't one of those moms that felt comfortable nursing in front of others. I would have to find an empty room, or sit in my car, or feel like I just couldn't go. Now that is not a factor. I can take and feed a bottle anywhere and anytime. We went to an NBC tournament game a while back and I fed her right in the stands. I actually thought to myself at the time, "what would I do if I was still nursing exclusively?" I probably would have gone and sat in the car by myself and left Natalie and Larry to have fun watching the baseball game. This way the whole family got to enjoy the game...together.
I am very glad that I was able to nurse the girls as long as I did. They got benefits from it I am sure. We were able to create a closeness that will last a lifetime. I do not regret a thing. I am sad it didn't go exactly how I wanted it to, but really, what in life ever does? Things happen and redirect the course of your history. You accept it, embrace it, and learn from it. So I did. I have a happy, healthy baby and she has a happy, healthy momma...and isn't that what really matters?

An add-on to the last post

Just for clarification on my last post with my crazy, ranting analogy....


We do have a flower and veggie garden in the backyard (and some in the front too!). While weeding it is not my favorite thing to do, I take great pride in the finished result. It is something our whole family created and we all do our part to take care of it (Nat pretty much just picks the tomatoes and peppers). I love sitting out back in the evening and watching the butterflies land on the lillies and the toad that resides in my iris bed hop around. When we have people over, I love taking the extra effort to make everything look just right! And there is nothing prettier then the rain drops on the roses (hey, isn't that a song?!?).

Anyway, now that I am going way, way off topic I will end this! I am SO SO SO tired. It stormed like crazy last night. Our dog Axel freaks out if it thunders so I was up with him, the electricity went out for a while, the street and basement flooded, and then when it was almost all over and time for me to go back to bed, Vanessa decided she was hungry and not tired at all! In all I was up from about 1am to 4am. And Nat got up around 7. AAAHHHHH!!!! Calgon, take me away! At least it cooled things down for a while. But I still would have rather slept!!!!

Hot Momma.....literally!

I hate the heat. I always have. There is nothing worse then it being over 100 degrees outside. You CANNOT get cool. I could be completely naked right now and still be hot (sorry for that not so pretty mental picture)! My thermometer says 101 and the news said the heat index is 109. That's crazy hot. The girls are both stripped down and sitting in front of the fan. I have been pushing water on Natalie like a drug dealer..."come on, you know you want some. everyone else is doing it. it will make you feel so good." I don't want her to get dehydrated at all. I have failed in getting her to just sit and stay cool. The girl must run! Earlier she came out of her room in her poodle costume, which is a heavy coat that looks like a white poodle. I BEGGED her to take it off, but she didn't think not getting heat stroke was nearly as important as looking like a poodle. I mean, there are some priorities in life!
The casino didn't pass last night. I wasn't at all surprised. We live in a very conservative, religious part of the country. I just happen to be neither of those, so my views often clash with the local masses. I think it's kind of sad though. Now it sounds like we are losing the dog track too. There goes some more jobs and a source of entertainment. I don't even gamble (I have only been to one casino in KC with Larry), but I just thought it could do so much to advance Wichita. So I guess everyone will just drive down to Sumner County and spend money there. That will be nice for them. Here is the stupid analogy I came up with when talking to Larry...please no laughing...
It is like if we were trying to decide if we wanted to plant a flower garden in the back yard. There are some advantages to planting one, such as the beautiful flowers, the sweet smells, a nice place to put a bird bath, etc... There are also disadvantages that come along with it. There would be bees and wasps, rose thorns, loss of grass space, etc... So we decide, "hey, the neighbor already decided they would plant one in their back yard! Let them deal with it." So the garden goes in at the neighbors, but we can't really see it over the fence and the wind blows the sweet smell the other way. Meanwhile the bees and wasps fly right over the fence and sting us while we are playing in all our extra grass. The birds fly from their cool bird bath over our yard and poop on our heads. One rose branch sneaks under the fence and we prick our finger trying to get it out. AND the neighbor always has people over admiring the flowers and no one wants to come to our house because it is more fun to go there. So, we get none of the benefits yet still get the disadvantages.
Yes, I realize this is ridiculous, but in my mind it makes perfect sense!!!

I hope you are all staying cool and surviving this heat. I just saw the 7-day forecast and it doesn't look like we are going to get a break anytime soon. Goody. A good time as any to sit and do nothing but sip a beer if you ask me (after the kiddos are in bed of course!)