Happy Vanessa Things

Since the blog has been kind of depressing for a couple of days I thought I would post about all the fun new things my baby is doing for a little break.

For about two weeks now Vanessa has been clapping. It is so cute I can hardly stand it. She gets so excited and claps so enthusiastically that she usually tips herself over. Natalie loves clapping with her and then we all get involved of course. Lately if you were to peak through our windows (please don't...my house is too messy) you might find our whole family clapping for a basketball game, or a commercial, or even the news.

Vanessa also took her first "official" steps on Tuesday night. Larry's parents and sister were over to visit and she let go of the coffee table and took two very distinct steps to Larry. She then fell backwards and started screaming bloody murder, but she WALKED!!!! I say offical steps because Larry works with her all the time and she has stumbled a few steps to him before. But this was just a lot more deliberate and steady. I always hold her hands and let her walk around the house and she loves that. She gets such a kick out of doing things her big sister does. I know I am in for a world of trouble because not only will I have my spirited 4-year-old, but I will also have her little copycat.

She is getting so big! She says dada and mama and all kinds of babble words. She is approximately 17 pounds, both girls have a doctors appointment next week so I will know for sure how big they are getting. I just can't believe how proud I am of both my smart girls.
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On another note, Larry and I are going to Bill's funeral tomorrow. After the service here in Wichita we will all drive the 1 1/2- 2 hours to New Albany in southeast Kansas for the burial. With this weather I am a little nervous about such a long drive, but hopefully the roads will be pretty clear by tomorrow afternoon.
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And on another note....my sister-in-law is not going to be able to make the trip with us tomorrow because she is 38 weeks pregnant. So Lesley, you better keep that baby in there until I get back!!!!

Nobody said this would be easy

We told Natalie last night about her Uncle Bill. She doesn't quite understand it yet, but really, neither do I. She had a ton of questions, some that I could answer and some that I couldn't. She really just wanted to know when he would be alive again. How do you explain to a 4-year-old the concept of death? How do you explain that someone she saw every day for her entire life is not going to be there anymore? It was hard. Probably harder on Larry and I then on Natalie.

The family viewing was today and I really struggled with the decision on whether to take her or not. I didn't want her to be scared but I did want to give her the chance to say goodbye. Since all of her close family was going to be there, including Larry and I, we decided to go. I am glad we did. As we were leaving she said goodbye and that she loved him. I have a feeling he heard her. But then on the way home she had SO many questions. I was crying and stressed to her that it was ok to be sad. She cried a little bit and then said, "I have an idea. Let's take him home with us and take care of him and make him well." I told her we couldn't do that. "Maybe a doctor could." I told her not even a doctor could. She was quite for a moment. "We can still see him there, right?" I told her no. He wouldn't be there anymore. "But he is ok?" I told her he was ok. That he was in heaven and he wasn't sick anymore. That he was happy there. And then she said something that absolutely brought me to tears. "He will always be here with us." After I could talk again without sobbing I told her that in a way he would always be with us. That we could talk to him whenever we wanted even though he couldn't talk back anymore.

This is so hard. I can only imagine how hard it is on his family...his brothers and sisters, his nieces and nephews. Larry is doing as well as can be expected. He is sad, but he is holding up. The funeral is Friday here in town and the burial is after that in New Albany, where the Roat's are from. My mom is watching the girls that day. I just think it will be best. Death is a part of life and I understand that, but it sucks. It just plain sucks.

Very Sad

Last night, at about 8, we lost my Uncle Bill to cancer.

I say he was mine, but he was actually Larry's. By birth at least. But I saw him most every day for the last 5 years. I came to love him and care about him just as if we were related by blood. So, in a way, he was mine too.

He was such a neat guy. He was funny and found humor in just about everything. Recently he was on a dose of chemo that he had a horrible reaction to. His skin got itchy and red and scaly. He joked that he wouldn't need a mask for Halloween because he looked scary enough already. But he didn't look scary, he just looked uncomfortable. Now he is finally comfortable again. And we are all thankful for that.

This Christmas he sent out Christmas cards. The funny thing was they were samples that were sent to the tow lot. They all said, "Merry Christmas! Company Name Here." He crossed that out and put Uncle Bill. When we received it in the mail I laughed out loud.

He loved my kids and was like another Grandpa to them. He was always giving Nat cookies, or donuts, or candy, always after telling her to "go ask mom if it's alright." He would tease her that there were monkeys living in the key cabinet at work. She would open it up and say they weren't there and he would tell her they must have all got out when she opened the door. "Oh Bii-lll, monkeys live in the zoo" she would say. He would just laugh and they would do it all again the next day. I will never, ever forget the first time Natalie went and gave him a big hug and said, "I love you Bill." "Well, I love you too Natalie," he said. And they meant it.

I was lucky that I got to know Bill as long as I did. Larry was lucky that he had an Uncle that he was so close to. That he could talk to about work or family or life. My kids were lucky to have someone that was so good to them and loved them. We were all lucky to have Bill in our lives.

I thought I would be overcome with grief today, and I am very sad. But more than that I am overcome with a thankfulness that I can't quite explain. I am thankful that we went to visit Bill on Sunday and Natalie was able to give him one last hug and I was able to give him one last kiss on the head. I am thankful that his fight with cancer was fairly short and the bad times were far outnumbered by the good. I am thankful that he doesn't hurt or feel sick anymore. I am thankful his life ended with the people he loved and that loved him around him.

Larry and I already miss him so much. And we will forever.

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Natalie just HAD to sit next to Bill on the train at Wastson Park, and of course he said yes even though he was all squished in the middle.

From left to right: Marie, Butch, Jim, May, Bill and Bud.

I wasn't officially tagged, but whatever....

I got this idea from another blog I read every so often and I thought I might try it.

The Top Five Reasons I Write a Blog

1. Because I suck at baby books: I tried. I really did. But I failed miserably at keeping up Natalie's baby books. Most of the important stuff is in there. Most of it. Not all. It still makes me sad to look up something and find that I didn't write it down. I thought I could remember. I couldn't. So now I write it in my blog, print out the blog month by month, and have everything in writing.

2. Because I can't afford therapy: I am a talker. You've probably met one if you aren't one yourself. One of those people who like to put words to their feelings and "talk things out". This is me. But I don't always have someone to listen (unless you count Natalie, and her advice is usually to have a cookie and be happy...and really, is that such bad advice?). So I type. Not everything of course because some things need to remain private. But I get things off my chest and I feel better. I would feel even better if more of you actually commented... (thanks to those who do. It really does mean a lot to me.)

3. Because secretly I want to be a professional writer: Or not so secretly. I want to write novels when I actually get enough time and inspiration to do so. But until then I just want to write words and have people read them. My big college dream was to go off and write for Rolling Stone magazine. But life happened and I didn't follow that dream. So I write a blog for now.

4. Because I love words: This kind of goes back to #3, but it's my blog and if I want to repeat myself I can. So there. I love language and what the written word can do. I love reading something that makes me think or laugh or get angry, anything as long as it touches me in some way. I hope my words touch some of you occasionally. It makes me so excited to find new words (yes, I realize I am a hopeless dork) and use them to get my point across.

5. Because I can: I have heard that there once was a dark, dark time where there wasn't such a thing as a "blog". People had to write in journals (gasp) and some didn't write at all (double gasp). I was never good at the journal thing. I would start with good intentions but by the fourth or fifth entry of "well, today was another boring day. maybe something will happen tomorrow" I would get bored and the journal would be put aside and forgotten. Then two years later I would come across it and try again with the same result. With my blog I can write boring shit and people still read it. And every now and then I write something kind of cool. And it makes me happy.

So, that's that. I am still tired and not having the greatest day, but my blog has yet again come through for me and given me a bit of joy and respite from my boredom. So now I am tagging you, yes you, to do this too. It's kind of fun and makes you think. Yet another reason I write my blog!

My night....

10:45: the girls are finally both asleep. yippy!
10:45-11:15: Larry and I talk for a little bit even though I know it's a bad idea and I should just go to bed, but we haven't really got to talk since this weekend.
11:15: Vanessa wakes up and cries. Natalie wakes up because Vanessa is crying.
11:18: tuck Natalie back in, say goodnight and she goes back to sleep
11:30: I have finally rocked Vanessa back to sleep
11:35: my head hits the pillow and I am asleep
12:30: Vanessa is back up. She wakes Natalie up too and she gets in my bed. I give up and let her stay.
12:40: Vanessa is back asleep. It is so cold and I just want to cuddle in my bed. I find Natalie sprawled out all over my side. I am terrified to move her and wake her up because I just want to sleep. I grab a pillow and head to the couch.
12:45: I'm asleep.
1:45: Vanessa is awake again. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
2:00: Vanessa is asleep again.
2:00-4:15: Two whole hours of sleep. Oh, glorious sleep.
4:14: Vanessa is up and hungry. I give her a bottle. I rock her. I threaten that if she doesn't go to sleep this instant she might not see her first birthday. I promise if she goes to sleep I will buy her a brand new car on her sixteenth, no fifteenth, birthday.
5:00: She is asleep and she WILL NOT be getting a car, maybe ever.
5:10-7:15: I have been up and down so much that my brain is racing. I start to threaten it that if it doesn't shut down and go to sleep I will replace it with a new, better brain that is more willing to sleep when it has a chance. Sometime along the way I do drift off.
7:15: I am being poked by Natalie. I tell her it is too early, I take her back to my bed, we lay down and go back to sleep.
7:55: Vanessa is awake for the day. Seriously.

A one sucker day

I need some parenting advice.
I posted the other day about Ms. Brenda's assessment of Natalie in dance class. Well, today was gymnastics (also taught by Ms. Brenda) and we got the same evaluation....when she concentrates and slows down she can do the moves wonderfully. The problem remains that she won't concentrate or slow down. Today I could see her through the window running around and distracting herself and the other three kids in the class. Then I didn't see her for awhile. Turns out Ms. Brenda was telling her to calm down and sit on the end of the mat with the others and Natalie got mad and sat in a chair and wouldn't participate. So she only got one sucker at the end of the class while everyone else got two. This didn't bother Nat in the least. She was happy with her one sucker.

All the way home Natalie kept saying she didn't want to go back because the teacher didn't like her. Translated into non-Natalie talk that means she didn't get to do exactly what she wanted when she wanted to do it. I talked about how she had to listen to the teacher because she could learn so much. And the other kids want to learn to. And running around can be dangerous, she could get hurt or hurt someone else. And didn't she want to get two suckers like Jackson and Leah and Anna? And blah blah blah. In one ear and out the other without so much as a pause.

So, my question to you is...how do I get her to focus?!?! How do you teach that? She can concentrate when she wants to, I have seen it myself. We can do projects here at home where we sit at the table for an extended period of time and she will be involved and enthusiastic the whole time. Even if I have to go deal with her sister for a while, she will still stay on track. Why can't she do it at class? I realize she is four, I realize the other kids and the different environment distract her, I realize all of this, but seriously!! The other kids mess around but at least they aren't running amok or refusing to participate. I am so scared this is setting the tone for her entire schooling career. I am afraid for her that she won't get much out of school because her mind will be somewhere else....like La La Land. I am also afraid her teachers won't like her because of her lack of focus. I have worked at a daycare and been a helper in elementary schools and you can see the difference in the productivity of kids who are easy to work with and those that are not. Teachers are not perfect creatures, they are human too, and sometimes they just don't like working with certain students. What if my kid is one that they don't like to work with? What if she suffers because of her personality?

Ok, I am having a crisis in my mind and I know it may not be as bad as I am making it out to be. But I just want the absolute best for my little girl. I love her so much and I want her life to be happy and easy. I feel like I am failing her because I don't know how to remedy this situation. I am not asking for a zombie that just sits there, or a kid so shy that she won't show her self at all (like I was for many years). I just want her to succeed. And get two suckers like everyone else.

Are you listening Mother Nature?!?!?!?!

Who else is ready for Spring???

I sure am. I am so sick of the cold. It was fun for awhile and now I am done. I am ready to not have to worry if I will be driving on ice. I am ready to not see another snow flake until next year. I am ready to be able to let Natalie go outside and run off some of her bottled up energy. I am ready to get the girls dressed to go for the day without layering tights and socks and warm pants and a sweatshirt and a coat and gloves and a hat...... I am just SO ready!!!!!

Bring on the warm sunshiney days!!!!

The good news and the bad news.....

Ms. Brenda's assessment of Natalie in her dance and gymnastics classes:

She is very smart and when she concentrates she can do the moves beautifully. The problem is that she looses her focus so easily and often.


Yep. Sounds right. I am happy that the teacher is taking the time to care and work with Natalie on this because it is true for everything in her life. I am not sure if she gets bored easily or what, but she tends to let her mind wander.

I think (and hope) that going to school on Monday, gymnastics on Tuesday and dance on Friday is helping her. She really likes her classes and when she comes home she loves to show off what she learned that day, so I know she is paying some attention. She just really needs to remember to stop daydreaming and playing around and start working on what she is supposed to be doing.

I am a proud mommy. She is brilliant and beautiful, just a bit flighty. I have no idea where she got that from!!!

Just a few random Natalie stories

I got Natalie this really cool, big hardback book for Christmas with 10 different picture books inside. She loves picking which stories we read every night and definitely has her favorites. We read one by Mary Murphy about this little penguin telling its mommy what it likes. Natalie likes to talk along and this is how it goes:
Book: "I like it when you hold my hand"
Nat: I like it when you hold my hand too.
Book: "I like it when you tickle me"
Nat: I like it when you tickle me too.
Book: "I like it when we try new things to eat"
Nat: I like macaroni and cheese and hamburger helper.
Thanks for trying little penguin guy.

When I picked Natalie up from school last Monday her teachers assistant Miss Ashley stopped me and told me she just had to tell me what Natalie has said because it was SO funny. I was immediately apprehensive about this because Natalie can come up with some pretty crazy stuff. I guess when the kids were all going out for recess Miss Ashley was trying to convince Nat to put on her coat because it was a bit chilly. Nat didn't want to put it on (big surprise) and told Miss Ashley "I'm not going to put on that stupid coat. I got it at JC Penney's and I hate it and I'm not putting it on." Now, I'm not at all sure what getting it at Penney's had to do with anything, but her teachers thought that was pretty funny. I had to have the talk with Nat about doing what the teacher says and not arguing, but it was pretty hard not to laugh.

Hola!

I have not been in the mood to write lately. I'm not really sure why because usually I want to write all the time. Every time I do sit down and attempt to be clever every little bit of humor and wit magically leave my body for parts unknown and I am left writing things like..."sooooo, how about this weather?" even though the weather has been pretty mild and uneventful. Mucho boringo.
We had another nice weekend. Much slower then the last couple thank god. My parents watched the girls Saturday night and Larry and I had fun being an old married couple. Seriously. When did a Saturday night become him watching Jackass and me scrapbooking? We didn't have the energy or finances to go out and doing nothing sounded oh, so appealing. And it was nice. We acknowledged each other every so often, but most of the time we were wrapped in our own little worlds. I finished four pages for the scrapbook and if you know me you know how significant that is. I plugged those weird tiny earphones into my ear holes (which still feels so weird to me. I miss good 'ole head phones that are as big if not bigger than your actual head), I turned up my MP3 player and jammed at my table. I am sure that if Larry hadn't been busy watching grown men do the stupidest shit they could think of, he would have laughed at me. Thank you Johnny Knoxville for so thoroughly distracting my husband. Sunday, after we got the girls back, we all went to Chuck E Cheese. It was fun, but I was so ready to go after about an hour and a half. There were just too many demon spawn, I mean kids, there. It was insane. There were at least 5 birthday parties while we were there. Let's just say I think I have outgrown any magic that place might hold.
Well, I guess that's all I've got for now. I am so boring I just can't stand it. Soooooooo, bow about this weather?

Name Games

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Sandy Elantra
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Strawberry Peanut Butter (man, that sounds scary, huh?)
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
L-Roa
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Red Chimpanzee
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Deann Wichita
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Roa-Lo (sounds yummy!)
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Purple Limeade
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Elmer Frank
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Tommy Girl Twix
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Lynn Frank
11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Majors Montreal
12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Spring Iris
13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Strawberry Socksy
14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Gummy Worm Red Oak
15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + fave hobby/craft, fave weather + “Tour”)
The Scrapbooking Rain Tour

Weekend Update....a few days late.

If I was a kid, this would have been the perfect weekend. It was completely full of things to do and places to go. It was really nonstop from Friday afternoon to Sunday night. As an adult, the weekend was still a lot of fun, but I also was so busy and had so much to do and plan.

Natalie's birthday luau was Saturday. I went to the venue early to start setting up, and we still ran out of time. People began arriving and my girls weren't even dressed in their party clothes. But other than that I think it went extremely well. Most everyone came and it was so nice to see our friends come to celebrate my girl turning four. She was completely spoiled, of course. She got everything she wanted and more.

Here is the food and drink table.

Isn't my girl the cutest birthday girl ever?

The fam with the cake.
I love this picture of all the kiddos surrounding Larry while we is attempting to open a toy for them. I called him Larry Claus.

Natalie got a ton of cool toys and dress up clothes and games, but her best present was that Liz, Charlie, and Makenna came to visit from Kansas City (or was that my best present?). We had so much fun and laughed like crazy. I miss Liz SOOOOOO much. We went through a lot together as roomates and friends in college. She is such a wonderful person. They came over for a while after the party and then again the next day for lunch. The girls got along so well. Natalie is still begging me to call them and have them bring Makenna back over to play. She even offered up her bed for the family, but it is toddler sized so I don't think they would all fit.

Yummy spaghetti!
Such a cutie!!! Me and Lizzy Anne

Us and our girls

Sunday, after Liz and family left, we went to my niece Hailey's first birthday party. She was so cute and REALLY enjoyed her cake.

Happy Birthday Hailey!

I think this next weekend should be a little more laid back with less to do. I am kind of looking forward to some down time. This has been such a hectic couple of months and there is more to come. There are three more birthdays this month (Carisa, Alexis, and Mom), and then Larry's next month, my nephew is due pretty much any time, and before I know it Vanessa will be turning one. Wow, that seems like a lot and I know I am forgetting stuff. We are just a family of nonstop fun!!!

Just give me the mother of the year award now.

In my excitement to post yesterday about my winning Jayhawks, I left out something pretty major.

Vanessa said her first word yesterday! She said Dada to her Dada. For a while she has been babbling. She says blah and ba over and over. While I am sure it has some meaning for her, I think it is mostly to exercise and practice her voice. But yesterday when she was playing with Larry she was saying Dada plain as day.

I feel like maybe my blogging priorities were a bit off yesterday. I am sorry to my baby girl. Of course your first word is more important than winning the Orange Bowl, Vanessa.

We have a big and busy weekend. We have friends coming in from Kansas City, we have Natalie's 4th birthday luau party today, and my nieces 1st birthday party tomorrow. I will try to post later or tomorrow, and I've already promised Ness that if she says anything else I will post it before any sporting victories we might have (KU and Boston College play basketball today!).

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK...GO KU!!!

Did you see the game last night? If not you missed something pretty special. We played GREAT!!! It was so much fun to watch. I cheered so much it was ridiculous.

It has been forever since KU football has had a year like this. Usually at this point everything is about basketball. But this year our football team totally stepped up. The Orange Bowl!!!! I am just super excited. Now if the basketball team can just win the championship come March I will be a happy and satisfied woman.

GO HAWKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Year...New Me! (or the same old me but with much loftier goals and aspirations)

One of my main goals for this new year was to stop procrastinating. With that being said, I didn't feel like becoming a better person yesterday so I put it off until today. I think I am off to a good start.

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2007 was a pretty good year for us. Larry turned 30. Vanessa was born healthy and happy. Natalie has done a great job adjusting to the major changes that came with the new baby and loves and accepts her sister (most of the time). We weren't ever rolling in the dough, but we survived and thrived without going into debt. We got some of our home renovations done that we have been planning for five years. We got a new car. And most importantly, I am still wearing the same size jeans I have been in for years (ok, maybe that's just important to me).

As good of a year as 2007 was, I am aiming at an even better 2008. Larry and I have both talked at length about the health and well being of our selves and our family. The talk went something like this...
"We eat too much junk."
"Yep, we do."
"And we don't exercise."
"HEY! I walked all the way to the mailbox today.....ok, you're right. We don't"
So, after that eye-opening exchange we have decided that is something we really want to work on together. We certainly don't want to find ourselves on Maury crying that we don't understand why our 4-year-old weighs 200 pounds as we are stuffing her face with oreos and Dr. Pepper.
Mmmmmm. Oreos and Dr. Pepper. Mmmmmm.
Ok, back on track here.
Other then the whole health thing I don't have any real resolutions per se. I have goals that I want to work on. Like having more patience and not "losing my shit" so often. I want to stop biting my finger nails. I want to save up some money for a nice family trip somewhere, even if it is somewhere close. I want to figure out the whole kids bedroom issue and get Natalie OUT of our bed and back IN her own. I want to cook more. You know, the usual stuff.

I find the whole New Year's Resolution craze a bit weird. I understand the want to change and I also understand that the first is as good of time as any to do it. But in my opinion we should always be changing and striving for better for ourselves. It is when we stop wanting to change that we become stagnant, and I do not want that. Just the word "stagnant" sounds gross and wrong. I will admit that in the last few years I have become what I refer to as "fat and happy". No, I didn't gain a lot of weight. I just starting thinking, "I'm married, I have kids, I have a house. What more do I need?" And I stopped caring about what I wore in public. I stopped taking the ten minutes to do my make-up. I stopped trying to make myself a better me and fell into some pretty deep ruts. Now I need to start crawling out of them. Accepting oneself and being content in ones life doesn't mean that that is all there is. There is always a way to make the good better. Does that make sense? Or am I just rambling?
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One of the most fulfilling and helpful things that I have come across this year is this phenomenon called blogging. I love to read other people's and get a glimpse inside their brains. But I have to tell you, writing this blog has made me a happier person. I went to a lot of school to become a writer. It is what I have always wanted. Now until I do become famous as a novelist or major contributor to a magazine, I have this. My discursive release. Thank you all for reading, really. I appreciate your comments. I appreciate having someone besides myself read my words. May there be many more posts this year. Now that's a resolution I think I can keep!