Nobody said this would be easy

We told Natalie last night about her Uncle Bill. She doesn't quite understand it yet, but really, neither do I. She had a ton of questions, some that I could answer and some that I couldn't. She really just wanted to know when he would be alive again. How do you explain to a 4-year-old the concept of death? How do you explain that someone she saw every day for her entire life is not going to be there anymore? It was hard. Probably harder on Larry and I then on Natalie.

The family viewing was today and I really struggled with the decision on whether to take her or not. I didn't want her to be scared but I did want to give her the chance to say goodbye. Since all of her close family was going to be there, including Larry and I, we decided to go. I am glad we did. As we were leaving she said goodbye and that she loved him. I have a feeling he heard her. But then on the way home she had SO many questions. I was crying and stressed to her that it was ok to be sad. She cried a little bit and then said, "I have an idea. Let's take him home with us and take care of him and make him well." I told her we couldn't do that. "Maybe a doctor could." I told her not even a doctor could. She was quite for a moment. "We can still see him there, right?" I told her no. He wouldn't be there anymore. "But he is ok?" I told her he was ok. That he was in heaven and he wasn't sick anymore. That he was happy there. And then she said something that absolutely brought me to tears. "He will always be here with us." After I could talk again without sobbing I told her that in a way he would always be with us. That we could talk to him whenever we wanted even though he couldn't talk back anymore.

This is so hard. I can only imagine how hard it is on his family...his brothers and sisters, his nieces and nephews. Larry is doing as well as can be expected. He is sad, but he is holding up. The funeral is Friday here in town and the burial is after that in New Albany, where the Roat's are from. My mom is watching the girls that day. I just think it will be best. Death is a part of life and I understand that, but it sucks. It just plain sucks.