This is going to be gross...just be warned!

I thought about sparing you all the disgusting details of life here, but in the spirit of this totally honest blog, I decided against it. Aren't you lucky ducks?
At 2am Natalie began crying. Actually it was more like whimpering in her sleep. I was already awake because my back was killing me so I just rubbed her back and tried to get her back to sleep. I kind of thought it was just a bad dream. I'm not sure why I didn't connect the fact that Vanessa whined in her sleep right before her stomach exploded all over her bed too. Yep, Natalie now has the stomach virus that Vanessa is still trying to get over. While Vanessa only had one bout of throwing up and then a lot of diarrhea, Natalie is still throwing up. She cannot even take a sip of water without it coming back. I am worried about dehydration. At least Ness could drink her water and eat crackers. I don't see getting anything in Natalie's tummy for quite a while. My poor girls are miserable. And let me tell you, this house smells like...well...let's just say it doesn't smell pleasant.
I was just talking yesterday to a good friend of mine about how when you have two kids they just pass sickness to each other. There is nothing worse than having two sick babies at one time. Except if I was sick too (let's all knock on wood and hope I don't get this). Both my girls want me at the same time and I have to decide who needs me worse. That is a horrible decision to make because inevitably one of them is getting less than they deserve. Right now Natalie is laying on the couch watching tv and Vanessa is sitting on my feet. They just look so pitiful. I feel so bad for them.
Just to let you know it took me about an hour to type all of this after having to pause to help Natalie throw up once, poop twice, and change Vanessa's poopy diaper once. It was a very yucky hour. Hopefully things are settled down a little bit. I am going to go snuggle some girls on the couch and enjoy not cleaning anything up right now. Uh oh, I think I spoke to soon.

My poor little Nessa. Not only did she have an ear infection this weekend, she also caught some kind of stomach virus. She kept having really gross diapers and threw up in the middle of Saturday night. I felt so bad for her. I also felt very tired. I still do.
For some happier, and less gross, news....I reserved our hotel room for our vacation yesterday. I am so excited. We got the hotel we want and we are only paying $40 a night thanks to my wonderful Aunt!!! It is nothing fancy, but it has a pool and a make-your-own-Belgian-waffle-bar at their free continental breakfast. It is really close to a lot of the places we are going. I think it is going to work out really well. I have been requesting info off the Internet and have printed off a few coupons. I even found a "Coca-Cola family fun" coupon for the North Pole amusement park for $5 off a person. That's $15 we will save right there! Hello souvenirs!! Everything costs so much more than I remember. Every cent we can save will help.
I also went to Dollar Tree today and got a few fun things to give Natalie on the trip there. I just picked up some drawing paper, a notebook, some pens and pencils, stickers, and a couple of card games. I will get a few more cheap things, wrap them up and let her choose something every couple of hours. I really hope this will help with some of the boredom that will inevitable come with a 8+ hour drive. I am going to get a few things for Vanessa too. We will take the portable DVD player and some movies, some books and some cd's. I am sure how ever much I take it won't seem like enough though!
I am getting so excited to take an actual family vacation. Larry and I have traveled together before and it was great...but this is going to be so special. All four of us seeing new things and doing fun stuff. I love that we are getting to show our kids things they don't see everyday in Kansas. Traveling and being aware of other places is so important to me and I want to pass that on to my girls. So far we haven't had the money or resources to go on a real vacation. I am so pleased that this year we are making it work.
So, enough rambling about something that is not even going to happen for another month (we leave June 1st..our 6th anniversary). And I don't really have anything else to say! Have a wonderful day and enjoy the weather. Sounds like it's going to rain quite a bit the rest of the week.

Updates and cute pictures

Let me start by saying I am feeling better today. It has changed from a sharp stabbing pain to more of a dull throbbing pain. Much better! With my mom helping out all day Wednesday and Larry taking off and helping me yesterday I actually had a chance to start healing. And I got some sleep last night. Vanessa is feeling better. It is amazing how fast antibiotics work on a baby. She is still kind of messing with her ears, but she is happier now. I woke up in the middle of the night and for the first time in a long time went and checked to make sure she was still breathing. She was and everything was fine, it was just weird that we were still sleeping!

This whole week I wanted to post about what a wonderful weekend we had and how well Vanessa's birthday party went. And now it is almost weekend again!

Here are the pictures from JC Penney's that we had taken for Nessa's first birthday. They were coming out pretty cute until both girls decided they were d-o-n-e! We still got a few cute ones!

Just to fill you in

I have hurt my back. It really, really sucks. I can barely move. What I think happened is I pulled a muscle when I was throwing up. Don't you wish you were me? And that's not all....
Vanessa has an ear infection. The poor little girl hurts so much. She just wants to be held and snuggled and then in the next minute if you so much as hold her hand she screams at you. And she is not sleeping, which means I'm not sleeping either.
It can only get better, right?!?

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Whether you are giving a bottle to your baby dolls or spinning around in circles, hugging my neck or saying hi to the dogs, eating a big handful of cheerios or climbing onto the couch, you are always a joy and my little tiny love.
One year ago today you made our little family of three a big family of four. You made Natalie into a big sister, and a very happy little girl. We all love you SOOO much. Your smile is so bright (and your cry so loud!)! What did we do without you?
Happy First Birthday Vanessa Lida!!!!!!

50 Questions...

that I shamelessly stole from another blog!!

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? I don't actually take care of the bills, Larry does! But I do hate that I still owe on my student loan. I think I will have a party when it is finally all paid off.
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? I don't really remember, isn't that horrible? We ordered pizza last night. It wasn't really romantic, but it was yummy!
3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? No, and I will leave it at that.
4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be? Wow, this one is hard. I guess I would have done college a little differently. I would have been more serious about it and I would have taken that internship in Kansas City.
5. Name of your second grade teacher? I really can't remember right now!
6. What do you really want to be doing right now? I wouldn't mind curling back up in my bed and sleeping some more.
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up? an author
8. How many colleges did you attend? 3 (I went to Butler my senior year of high school, finished up my foreign language requirements at Wichita State and spent four years at the University of Kansas...which I graduated from)
9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? It's my 2002 Final Four shirt and I wore it to bed.
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be? I'm not sure. I would love to live on a lake in Minnesota, but their winters are brutal.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? "Vanessa! Go back to sleep!!"
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? I hope it doesn't storm so Axel doesn't keep me up all night.
14.What do you miss about being a child? less responsibilities
16. What errand/chore do you despise? general picking up
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? I really hope that when my kids get bigger I can volunteer a lot
18. Get up early or sleep in? definitely sleep in when I can
19. What is your favorite cartoon character? Right now I really like Woody from Toy Story
20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy? talk and then talk some more
21. Have you found real love yet? yes I have
22. When did you start feeling old? when I realized I am older than most of the popular singers/actors/sports stars right now.
24. Your favorite lunch meat? ham
25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? baby stuff (food, diapers, wipes, etc..)
26. Beach or lake? lake
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? no, but people today don't take it very seriously. And then there are those that would take it seriously but are not allowed to get married because of who they are...and I don't agree with that at all.
28. Do you own property? I will someday!
29. Favorite Guilty pleasure? really stupid reality tv
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out? I really like a lot of kids movies
31. What's your drink? when I am not pregnant it is plain old Bud Light
32. Cowboys or Indians? Indians...when we were learning about this in school I always felt somehow personally responsible for taking their land. And their religion and devotion to the land has always intrigued me.
33. Cops or Robbers? totally depends
34. Who from high school would you like to run in to? Holly. I miss her.
35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? 98.7, because I listen to the morning sports show
36. Grey's Anatomy or The Office? it used to be Grey's Anatomy, but it is just not that good anymore. I have recently discovered The Office and it literally makes me laugh out loud.
37. Worst relationship mistake you wish you could take back? a few years after my heart was broken in a very uncaring way, I broke someone else's heart in about the same way. I still feel ashamed about that.
38. How many times a week do you cook? Not as often as I should. We have lots of "find your own" nights. It is just so frustrating to cook a meal and then have your kid not even touch it. On Wednesday I made chicken fettuccine alfredo and Nat wouldn't even try it (but it was so good)!
39. What is worrying you right now? Right this minute it is how I'm going to have enough room in this house for another baby.
40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? George Bush, and every time he looked away I would throw some food at him (because I am just that mature!)
41. Indoors or Outdoors? definitely outdoors
42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? yep, I rolled my first truck when I was 15.
43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? no
44. Last book you read? "Goodnight Steve McQueen"...I can't remember the author. It was a quick, easy read.
45. Do you have a teddy bear? I have some that used to be mine but are my girls' now
46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? a sketchy hotel in Mexico using bottled water
47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? San Francisco
48. Do you go to church? no
49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? I am excited about having a career after my kids get older.
50. How long have you been out of school? 6 years

It costs how much?!?!?!?

When I was younger and people of an "older generation" would go on about how things were cheaper "back in the day" my eyes would go into perma-roll and my mind would begin to wander...like to that scene in Top Gun where they are all playing volleyball....mmmm, Iceman....mmmm.....no shirts...mmmm. **I digress**

So let me just preface this by saying if you keep rolling your eyes like that they will stay that way...



Man, things were cheaper back in the day, weren't they?



I am in the midst of planning our family vacation and holy crap, things are expensive. If all goes according to plan we will be going to Colorado Springs the first week of June. I am getting all the details ironed out and doing a lot of research so we are not surprised by prices when we get there. I want to be prepared so it is not all "hey kids, sleeping in the car is F-U-N!!" We are planning on doing all the good tourist stuff like Seven Falls, Royal Gorge, Garden of the Gods, and most importantly to some, the North Pole themed amusement park. I also wanted to take the family on the cog train up to the summit of Pike's Peak. I went in college with a friend and loved the scenery and the view. And Natalie wants to ride a train! So I was looking into it and do you have any idea how much it costs to ride a basic old train up a mountain? $30...per person!!! For that much I expect an in-ride meal, with desert. And not a crappy desert like a cookie with one chocolate chip. I am talking cheese cake piled with syrupy cherries. And maybe a light chocolate drizzle. I don't ask for much, really.
I haven't decided yet if we are going to spring for the tickets or not. If we do we are going to have to cut out something else, and I'm not sure what that would be. I wouldn't mind cutting out the North Pole, but I know Nat will get a kick out of it, and it would be kind of selfish to plan the whole vacation without any input from the other travelers. We are already not going to tour the cave because someone might get scared down there, or worse fall into one of those bottomless pits. See, I'm making sacrifices too!
So all of the prices are a little daunting to me. Not to mention the $4-a-gallon gas prices that will probably be hitting about the time we are leaving. But really, in the end it will be worth it. Some of my most favorite memories from being a kid are from our annual summer vacations. I want to create those kind of memories for my kids too. When Natalie is 28 and has a family of her own I want her to be able to say, "Hey, remember that vacation we took to Colorado? We had so much fun listening to Dad bitch about driving and Mom bitch about the price of everything and then we just had to sit in our car and look at the mountain because we couldn't afford to actually go up it and Vanessa didn't sleep at all because she wasn't in her own crib so she screamed and we were all tired and I threw so many tantrums you thought about leaving me and pretending you didn't remember that you had two kids when you went and the whole ride home we all kept asking how much longer till we could get out of the stupid car because we were restless and Mom was pregnant and getting car sick."
Ahhh! Good times!!! I sure am excited!!!

The kind of weekend you wish would never end!

What a wonderful weekend! It was so pretty and we had so much fun!! Our big outing was to the Shriner circus. I will admit that I wasn't very excited about it this year. Last time we went it was a little less than spectacular....like way less. So I didn't have giant expectations. But I was pleasantly surprised and delighted when this circus was actually pretty good. There were trapeze artists, acrobats, older ladies who did magic and dressed up poodles (ok, this doesn't sound that great, but it wasn't as bad as it sounds), elephants, tigers, and clowns. We had a great time except for Vanessa who really could have cared less about the whole thing and just wanted to go home and sleep. I even let Natalie ride the elephant at intermission which I am really kind of against. It just doesn't seem right to me. But anyway, she did it and had fun. I was worried about her going without Larry or I, but she was such a big girl and actually wanted to go by herself.
We also played outside SO much this weekend. The weather was so beautiful that we were outside more than we were inside. Vanessa got an outdoor Little Tykes playhouse for her birthday and rather than struggling with putting it up next Saturday before her party we just decided to put it up on Saturday. We have only had it for a few days and I already think it was worth every penny we spent on it. The girls just love it. Natalie pretends like crazy in it. One side is a school, one side is a bank/market, one side is a gas station, and the last side is a sports wall. She had Larry and I ordering food, using the ATM, getting gas, and learning our ABC's...all in one place!! Vanessa just likes being in it at this point. Oh, and opening and closing the door, she LOVES to just stand there and open and close, open and close. So cute! Sunday was spent cleaning house and playing outside again. Nothing too exciting, but still good family fun! All in all, it was just one of those weekends that make you smile!
Here are a few sample pics!

The High Price of Gas

Warning: this post rated "TMI" for too much info!

Are any of you fans of "Sex and the City"? I am! I love that show. I love the fact that 99.9% of the things that happen to those girls will never happen to me. I live vicariously through Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda. Recently though, I have found something that Miranda and I do have in common.
If you did watch that show you know that Miranda became pregnant one season. I remember one show vividly. They are out shopping and eating and being out and Miranda cannot stop farting. It was hilarious. Yeah, not so funny anymore.
I don't remember being this gassy with my first two pregnancies. I am just full of gas! It would be great if I could charge $3.20 like Quik Trip. I could be rich! During the day I am ok. I have moments where my tummy cramps up and there are times I have to "let it go", but I haven't had a big public embarrassing moment or anything like that. And then there is the end of the day. All I can say is, poor Larry. Right before bed I bloat up and look like I am about 5 months along instead of 2. I hurt and I moan and I have even shed a tear or two. And all I want to do is get it out. Gross, huh? So gross that it all leads me to believe this one is a boy. Boys are gross right from the start!
So there you go. More than you wanted to know I'm sure, but I feel better getting it off my chest..or my tummy as the case may be.

one week later...

I really have sat down at the computer numerous times over the last week to blog, and then I just can't. Part of it is being so close to the screen and the colors and stuff makes me want to puke a little. Part of it is my brain is so full of other stuff that it can't form coherent sentences that anyone would want to read. I mean, a person can only read so much about how tired and shitty I feel most of the time.
I am getting more used to this whole being pregnant again thing. I am 9 weeks now and I have good days and bad. There have been recent days that I have thought to myself "ok, yeah, I can have three kids." And then there are days I just want to hide under a rock and not come out. But we are surviving. I am keeping us pretty busy. Natalie has school Monday mornings, gymnastics on Tuesday, and cooking class on Wednesday. She is really enjoying her time away from home. She is getting better and better at listening and doing what she is supposed to do. I am so proud of her. She really likes cooking class. Yesterday they made pizzas and she was so happy with herself! She was telling me all about the different cheeses they used and the sauce and the dough. It was so neat seeing her so proud of something she created. I am going to start letting her get a lot more involved when I cook.
So, of course, when I actually feel like writing I have an almost one-year0old that desperately wants her mama to hold her...I will try to continue this later!

HE'S STAYING!!!!

Sorry...I know I just posted (see below), but I just found out..........

***Bill Self is staying at KU***

Natalie and I just got done doing our "happy Bill Self is staying dance", which looks something like a cross between a chicken and Carlton from "The Fresh Price of Bel-Aire", all while saying WOO WOO over and over again. Aren't you sorry you missed that?

Being pregnant is just no fun.

I really wish I could enjoy this pregnancy. It will be my last and I am sad that I am hating it so much. Don't get me wrong, I love the end results, but I have hated all three pregnancies. I had hoped this one might be different than the previous ones, but I am now puking every. single. day. It sucks.
Here is some other random info for you:

*Vanessa is talking a lot now. Most of it is still unintelligible, but she has some words that come out clear as day. She says "hi", "bye", "dada", "mama", "doggy" and "birdie". There are other words that she has said only once so I don't count them until I hear them again.

*My bestest friend Liz is about ready to pop out a baby. I don't think it is going to be soon enough for her, but it is not going to be long. I can't wait to meet Jack. If he is anything like his big sister he will be nothing but a cute little bundle of joy. I love you Liz!!!

*I am going to have another niece or nephew at about the same time I have my baby. My brother-in-law's girlfriend is due somewhere around the end of November also. I just love that my kids are going to have so many cousins so close in age. It is going to be so much fun to watch them all grow up together.

OK, I think that's about it for now. Vanessa is standing in front of my with a blanket over her head trying to play peek-a-boo. It is not really any fun to play that by yourself so I guess I will go join in!


*

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!!!

Well, I can finally write about my team. I have wanted to for a while, but I always got nervous that whatever I would say would jinx them (I am very superstitious). But...........

WE ARE THE 2008 NCAA NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!

I am SO excited and happy. I can't even express it appropriately in words. There must be accompanying hand gestures, leg kicks, and shouts of glee, none of which I can put here in my blog. So, I just have to say that I am thrilled.

Saturday was the final four and we played *drum roll please* North Carolina. This was significant for many reasons. Our schools have two of the most fabled and historic basketball programs in America. Their legendary coach, Dean Smith, is from Kansas and played and graduated from KU. Our last coach, Roy Williams, jetted 5 years ago to go back to his alma mater, UNC. There is just a lot of history there. Not to mention, Larry likes UNC, I love and worship KU. We were worried that we would still be married on Sunday. The girls went to my moms house so we could watch the game in peace (or yell horrible obscenities at each other without little ears overhearing). We got into our first little tiff when they were announcing the starting line-up. Larry thought our video was stupid, I thought his was. It was not a good start to the evening. But after that, things went surprisingly well. I could have been VERY mean when we took at 28 point lead, he could have been VERY mean when they cut it to four. But we kept ourselves in check and overall, we got along well, had fun watching the game, and celebrated like crazy people when KU won (ok, that last one was just me).
Yesterday was the BIG GAME! We played Memphis. I was scared of this game. Memphis is big and athletic and they like to run as much as we do. It was a great game, close from beginning to end. We were nine points behind with just a couple minutes remaining and you could see the Tigers thought they had it in the bag. But you could also see the Jayhawks were not about to give up. They pushed the ball, Sherron Collins had a big steal on a Memphis inbounds play and then hit a huge three, they basically played with heart and soul. And then, with 2.1 seconds remaining and three points down, Sherron handed the ball off to Mario Chalmers and he hit the biggest three pointer I can remember in KU history. At that moment, when I saw the ball hit nothing but net, I knew we could, and would, win. We hit the first six points in overtime and they just had no answer. We played the overtime like we had no doubt that this was our game. It was just wonderful to watch as a fan. Many of our players are seniors or are leaving early for the NBA. This was the absolute best way to say goodbye. We also may lose our coach, but I don't want to talk about that yet.
I will admit that I cried during Bill's pregame speeches, both on Saturday and yesterday, and also when we won. I am pregnant and hormonal and the biggest KU fan I know, so don't judge me! I have waited twenty years to see my team prove they are the best. Doing it the first time all four number one seeds made the final four was just the icing on the cake. We really were the best of the best.
What an awesome time to be a KU fan!! I wish I could be in Lawrence today at the homecoming celebration. What fun that would be. Larry and I went once when we made the final four and it was so cool to be in a place where everyone was so pumped and happy and excited.
So, if you are not a KU fan today, I'm sorry for your team, but only one can be the champion. And this year it is us!

ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK! GO KU!

Comments about comments and other stuff

I have been meaning to write this for a while, but I'm just getting around to it. Typical.

To EVERYONE who has left me comments...thank you so much. This whole pregnancy thing has kind of thrown me for a loop, and to come here and see all these friends and family (some of whom I didn't even know read my blog) say such nice things makes me feel a little better. I just love all of you so much (there is a little hormonal emotion flowing at you...can you feel it?).

I am feeling a little better tonight. I kept pretty active today and did surprisingly well. Natalie had her first cooking class this afternoon so I got to take Vanessa and chat with the other moms. I really like taking her to these classes. One, because I know she loves it and is building her skills, both social and active. Two, because I get to sit and talk to other adults about things that adults like to talk about...such as our kids. I still have Vanessa with me, and she is getting more difficult by the day, but I still manage to get some good chatting time in. Nat had a great time cooking. It was so funny, we heard all of them say "yay!" and so we went to look and they were just washing their hands to get ready. Talk about some excited kids. They made no-bake cookies, yummy! Then we took a trip to the library. My girls just love getting new books. Vanessa is even getting into it. When we got home she carried over one of her board books and plopped down in my lap. Natalie got another one and sat beside us. We spent the time before dinner sitting on the living room floor reading Usborne "That's not my.." series books. If you have little kids and haven't checked these books out, you should. We checked out "That's Not My Fairy" and "That's Not My Truck" today. They are touch-and-feel books. They are simple and bright. Little kids, first starting to like books really enjoy them. Nat even liked them again today. It was so nice to have a little quiet time with my girls. It didn't last nearly long enough, but was great while it did last.

Funny Natalie story: The girls were playing and "talking" to each other tonight. I was half listening. Ok, I was just listening enough to know that no one was screaming. Natalie all of a sudden got all excited and said, "Mom! She said 'mine'!" I have never heard Vanessa say that and got down on the floor and was trying to get her to say it again (although I am totally sure I will regret that down the road when I hear it six thousand times a day). Then Natalie said, very seriously and sincerely, "And then she said 'delicious'!" I KNOW that she did not say delicious, and now I really don't know if she said mine. I have a feeling she did say it and then Nat just got a little carried away. I had to laugh, though. That girl is something else!

BLAH!

I have been feeling so blah lately. I can't get motivated to do anything! I just sit there and feel like I'm going to puke. The only energy I do have goes to my kids and there is just nothing left over. This pregnancy is kicking my ass, just like the last two. I am certainly not one of those women that loves being pregnant. I don't glow. I just look a little green. I am always starving and then I get the actual food and can't even imagine putting any of it in my mouth. I am mentally and physically out of it. It really sucks. I feel sorry for my kids because I know they are not getting my best. I take care of them, but I haven't been playing a lot. Natalie begs me to get down on the floor and play dolls and all I can do is just sit on the couch and quietly moan. I really hope I start feeling better soon. I just want to feel like myself again.
Ok, enough of the "poor-me" poorly written post. I am going to go snuggle up and watch "Arthur" with Natalie. Watching tv is one thing I can do.

For my Grandma

Every day Alzheimer's takes a little stronger hold on my beautiful Grandma. She has always been one of the most loving, caring, fun women I have ever known. She has taken care of her family and my Grandpa as he has struggled with Parkinson's disease. I love her so much and am terrified of the day that she no longer knows us as her family.
When the last Dixie Chicks album came out I was listening through it and came upon a song that instantly brought tears to my eyes. It is a tribute to Natalie Maines' grandmother that has Alzheimer's, and has become my song to my Grandma as well. I just wanted to post the lyrics here. If you have someone in your life suffering from this life sucking disease please pay attention to these words. We must be the ones who carry on the lives of these people who cannot carry them on themselves.

"Silent House"

These walls have eyes

Rows of photographs

And faces like mine

Who do we become

Without knowing where we started from

It's true I'm missing you

As I stand alone in your room

Everyday that will pass you by

Every name that you won't recall

Everything that you made by hand

Everything that you know by heart

And I will try to connect

All the pieces you left

I will carry it on

And let you forget

And I'll remember the years

When your mind was clear

How the laughter and life

Filled up this silent house

One room, two single beds

In the closet hangs

Your favorite dress

The books that you read

Are in scattered piles

Of paper shreds

Everything that you made by hand

Everything that you know by heart

And I will try to connect

All the pieces you left

I will carry it on

And let you forget

And I'll remember the years

When your mind was clear

How the laughter and life

Filled up this silent house

Silent house

In the garden off the living room

A chill fills the air

And the lilies bloom

And I will try to connect

All the pieces you left

I will carry it on

And let you forget

And I'll remember the years

When your mind was clear

How the laughter and life

Filled up this

And I will try to connect

All the pieces you left

I will carry it on

And let you forget

And I'll remember the years

When your mind was clear

How the laughter and life

Filled up this silent house

Silent house

Waiting.........

Does time ever move slower than when a pregnant woman is waiting for her Chinese to be delivered? I think not.

FAQ's

1. Was this planned? Hell to the N-O!
2. So, what happened then? Larry went to Las Vegas, we missed each other, and then *poof* I was pregnant. We do know how these things happen and we tried to not let it happen. Obviously, our efforts were not enough.
3. When are you due? November 22nd
5. Are you hoping for a boy this time? I really don't care this time. Sometimes I think it would be really cool to have three little girls. Other times I think I have enough girls and we need a boy. Most of the time I just don't care.
6. Are you excited? I am getting there. This was a BIG surprise and it took a while to get over the shock of the whole thing. I am still not completely at peace with the idea, but as Larry says, there is nothing we can do now! We will of course love this baby just as much as our other two and I am sure I will get to the point where I am just as excited as I was last time.
7. Are you ready for three? No, but I wasn't ready for one, and then I wasn't ready for two. So at least this time I know it will be fine and will all work out in the end.
8. What are your biggest worries? It is mostly stupid little stuff like how the hell I am going to fit three carseats in my car and how bedtime will work when we have more kids than we have parents to deal with them. I am also worried that Vanessa won't have much time as the "baby" and if she is going to resent that as she gets older. Nat had three and a half years alone and now all of a sudden we are going to have a whole gaggle of rugrats.

9. Is this pregnancy any better then the last two? So far, not really. I have only thrown up once (which is good...I guess), but I have a lot more nausea that doesn't go away. I don't eat and I feel sick, I do eat and I feel sick. Fun. The main difference with this one is that smells are KILLING me. I don't remember it being this bad before. I can hardly feed Ness, have you smelled that gross baby food lately? It can make you sick even if you aren't prego. These are just some of the things that I thought I might die from smelling: chicken legs baking in the oven, Vanessa's diapers, cigar smoke, little fruit flavored baby puffs (I didn't even know these had a smell), my burrito as I was eating it (and yes, I finished it. I just plugged my nose. It still tasted good), toothpaste, and my dogs doggy-like smell.

10. How does Natalie feel about it? She is very excited. She loves babies, especially her little sis. She is SURE it is a boy. No question for her. She doesn't tell people we are having another baby, she tells people she is having a little brother.

Let's see....

So, what has been going on in our lives you may ask. Just the normal, every day stuff. Yesterday a little girl in Natalie's class drew on her shirt in permanent marker. I wasn't thrilled, but it wasn't her best, or most expensive, shirt..so I'm not too mad. Really I just wonder how the kid got a permanent marker!
We have had some plumbing issues, but we had the plumber out yesterday and I think they fixed it all. Of course it all came up (quite literally) on Easter so Larry had to stay home taking care of it while the girls and I ran up to my uncle's house so Natalie and Vanessa could find their baskets and play with the other kids for a while. We had a really nice time. It is always so good to see everyone. The kids were spoiled, of course, and had a great time.
Let's see...what else.... hmmmm.....oh, yeah...I'm pregnant...again. Yeah.

Images of Easter

Coloring eggs (wearing my old sweatshirt)

Nat "helping" Vanessa find her basket

All that stuff and she just wants the stupid fake purple grass.Vanessa found her egg...

..and promptly tried to eat it.

My girls

Having a "sister moment"

HAHAHAHA......Oh, Sorry, That's Not Funny

Inappropriate Laughter Story #1:
Yesterday I made Natalie mad at me (big surprise) by telling her she could not have any ice cream before dinner. I thought she was over it....I thought. A little while later she was sitting on the floor with Vanessa brushing her hair and talking to her. They were being so cute and sweet that I had to "hide" in the dining room and observe their sisterly love. Natalie was talking to Vanessa and Vanessa was sitting there looking up at her big sister adoringly. Then I heard Natalie saying this:
"OK, Nessa. Listen to me. Say this just like me, 'Mama is an idiot'".
My first reaction should have been anger and maybe a time-out. So what was my first reaction? One of those nose snort laughs that you try not to let out but just cannot stop it no matter what you do. They didn't hear me because they were too busy agreeing that I was, in fact, an idiot. After I controlled myself I took Nat in the other room (she tends to show off in front of her sissy) and told her that she should never call names and she WILL NOT teach her almost one year old sister to say those mean things and if I heard it again she would be sitting in time out and wouldn't get any ice cream at all. She said sorry and hugged me and we didn't have another incident. But, yeah, big sisters are great.

Inappropriate Laughter Story #2:
After I finished reading to Nat last night for bed we were laying there talking. She asked me if I dreamed at night and I said, yes I do. I asked her if she did and she said that yes, she did, but sometimes they were scary dreams. So we started talking about scary dreams and how it's just the mind making up stories. The lights were off and we were snuggling in bed and she began telling me about a dream she had had.
"There was a big spider with tons and tons of legs and it was crawling all over the wall and then it went on the ceiling and it was crawling around and looking at me......and it had a mustache!"
I couldn't help it. I started laughing and I couldn't stop. All I could picture was this big animated spider with a huge black mustache. It was too funny!!! I felt bad because here was my sweet little girl telling me about this horrible dream and I was laughing. Then she kept saying, "why do you laugh when I say mustache?" Well, that just about did me in. I was trying to be quiet, but I was laughing so hard I had tears. She started laughing too and we hugged and talked a little bit about how next time she had that dream she should just laugh at that spider and not be scared. I think it turned out to be a good conversation in the end.

Kids are funny, even when they aren't trying to be. Especially when they are not trying.

March Madness

I am obsessed with college basketball. It is an addiction. I watch every KU game and try to catch other teams as often as I can. I go to ESPN.com daily and watch Gameday every Saturday. I look forward to Selection Sunday and the NCAA tournament like I look forward to my birthday. Yeah, it's a sickness.

The bracket came out on Sunday and within 30 minutes I had done my picks, made Larry do his, and started Natalie with hers (but then she picked Portland St over KU and I had to disown her). I am so excited to get this tourney going! I signed up for the VIP pass on the Internet so I will have access to all the games. Since I have kiddos and a life off the court, I will not be able to watch as much as I would like, which is probably good. It has been said that you can have too much of a good thing, but I have never thought that applied to KU basketball, kisses from my kids, and buffalo chicken wings. You know, the important things in life.

Luckily, I married someone who likes basketball too. He prefers pros, but he is a college fan as well. The only problem is he likes North Carolina. This has made for some tense moments in our marriage (when Roy Williams left my team for his I was afraid we would have to get a divorce. I imagined filing and when asked for the reason I would say "irreconcilable basketball differences). UNC and KU are on the same side of the bracket this year so it would be a possibility for the two to play in the final four. If this happens I really don't think Larry and I would be able to watch the game together. Maybe not even in the same zip code. Possible not with access to the phone. It would not be out of the realm of possibility for one of us to call the other after a particularly good play and say something to the effect of "suck on that Tarheel loser wussy boy!" While the immediate gratification might be totally worth it, in the long run it is not usually considered a good idea to call your husband a "loser" or a "wussy".

I hope you all have as much fun watching these next couple weeks of basketball as I will. Rock Chalk Jayhawk, Go KU!!!

Totally random stuff

I love days like this. All cloudy and rainy. For some reason this has always been my favorite kind of weather. Now, I wouldn't like it all the time, but for a change of pace give me some thunder and lightening and I will be happy. There are a few things about rain that I have come to not enjoy. For one thing, my little dog Axel HATES thunder. He totally freaks out. So about 6 this morning I had a dog running around my bed going nuts. I had to get up with him and sleep on the couch with him buried into my side and a blanket over him to drown out the sound. I was more than a little annoyed since both the girls were finally sleeping soundly after a night filled with coughing and crying. They are both getting over various degrees of sickness and are still having trouble sleeping at night. The other thing that I do not like about the rain is that our street becomes a lake and our basement leaks in the corner when it rains really, really hard. Knock on wood, it hasn't leaked today because although there has been a lot of rain it has been spread out over enough time that we are still ok.
I will never forget waking up a couple of months after we moved into this house and finding out what happens when it rains all night. I looked out the front window and all I could see was muddy water. It was covering the streets, it was over the sidewalk, and any time a truck or car managed to drive through the flood the water would wave up into our driveway. I think we might have been able to surf if we were so inclined. I woke Larry up and we went outside. We were shocked. No one told us this could and would happen so it was quite a surprise. Then we went into our basement. We saw the waterfall coming down from the window and had to hustle up any towels we could find. We used every single one we owned. We have since perfected our technique. We have the corner clear except a plastic tub of plastic toys that will be ok and a pile of provisional old towels. We have developed a system where I grab towels, Larry lays them out and then we both check them constantly. And then there is the clean up. We have loads of wet gross towels and a wet concrete floor that we scrub so it doesn't get moldy or anything. We have tried and tried to fix the leak, but then another pops up. I think the foundation needs some major work. But for now we will stick to our own personal flood plan.
Wow, I went on and on about that, huh? I have sooooo missed writing my blog lately. I would come up with the best posts and then I forgot them all by the time the computer got fixed. It was so frustrating.
My girls are growing up so fast. Vanessa has two bottom teeth and is running (yes, running) all over the house. She refuses to crawl anymore. She is still so small, it looks so cute for her to be walking all over the place. Natalie is doing great. She has been really well behaved lately (for the most part...she is still 4). The other day she was coloring a picture of a fairy when she called me over to see it. "Look mom, I gave her ankles." I looked at her foot area and couldn't see what she was talking about. She pointed at her face where she had added little dots, "see, just like my ankles." OOOHHHH!! Freckles!!!!! I had been telling her earlier in the day that I was glad she had been able to get out in the sun again because her nose had little freckles on it again. And she remembered the word as ankles. Too cute!
Ok, this has become kind of random and rambling. Maybe next post will be a little more organized and interesting!

Oh internet..how I've missed you!!!!

I'm back finally!!!!!
Our computer caught a virus and was out of commission for a while. But Larry fixed it today and I can get on again! I went a little crazy without being able to write my blog and read everyones.
I have lots to talk about, but really should be playing with the girls...so I will try to get on later and post again. Just wanted to say hello again!

Consignment Sale!!!!!!

I just wanted to let all of you out there with kids in the Wichita area know that starting today the giant consignment sale in Andover is open. It is located on Kellogg just west of Andover at 159th street at the Wholesale Fireworks building. I put quite a few things in and got to go to the presale last night. There are some great things at really good prices. If you are in need of spring or summer clothes this is THE place to get them. They have all sizes and it is all sorted out by gender and size so it is easy to go through. They also have toys, baby and kid equipment, bedding, and just about anything else you could want for your munchkins. I go every year and have found some of the best clothes and toys we have. You really can't beat it. So go if you can. It is open today, tomorrow and Saturday is half price day. The web site is www.britchesandlace.com.

MOTY

My quest for the title of Mother of the Year is almost complete. I would suggest you don't even apply, how could I lose with this resume?!?

It wasn't enough that I am carrying around a baby who looks as if she was one round away from having Tyson bite off her ear. No, that wasn't enough. This afternoon I had to call poison control. Yeah, I've got MOTY in the bag.



It all went down innocently enough. I was giving Vanessa a bottle to get her down for her nap. Natalie was playing dolls in her room. All was serene. When I look back on it I should have known something would happen. It was way to "Norman Rockwell-esque" to be our house. Ness had almost drained her bottle when I saw Natalie go into the bathroom and shut the door. No big deal, right? She was probably just pottying. But she stayed in there longer than normal. Still no big deal. Who hasn't had a trip to the bathroom that lasted longer then someone else thought it should. Still, I wanted to know what was going on in there. I hurried Vanessa through the last ounce, put her into bed and walked into the bathroom. There was my girl, her toothbrush in one hand, my toothpaste in the other, and a shit-eating grin on her face.

"What are you doing Nat?"

"Brushing my teeth." (if she knew to she would have rolled her eyes and said duuuuuh)

"Did you already use Mommy's toothpaste?"

"Yes, I put a lot on my toothbrush."

"A lot?"

"Yes. I ate it. Then some fell in the sink. I ate that, too."

Now, I know that eating toothpaste is not good. Especially kids eating adult toothpaste. I couldn't really tell how much she had eaten. The tube was already half gone when she got a hold of it, but it was obvious she had been squeezing on it. I asked her if she felt alright, and she did, but I knew I should still call poison control. They told me that at her weight she would have had to eat 4 ounces to really hurt her and I knew she hadn't had that much. They told me to give her calcium and that should help, but her tummy might hurt a little. She had cheese and a glass of milk with dinner and a bowl of strawberry ice cream for dessert. She said that her tummy hurt a little, but that could have been because of all the ice cream. She seems fine now and we have had a nice long talk about not eating ANYTHING in the bathroom, ever!!!!!!!!!

In four years I have had to call poison control twice. Both times were probably due more to my overreacting then any real danger, but I am a strong supporter of the better safe then sorry method of parenting. Luckily both kids' injuries and illnesses have been fairly minor (knock on wood....twice). I just want to keep it that way. Even if I don't win any parenting contests.

Coffee table-1, Vanessa-0

What do you get when a still wobbly walker trips over a plastic barn too close to the coffee table?

And yet she forgets she has to brush her teeth everyday....

About a month ago we were stuck in traffic at Kellogg and Rock here in Wichita. Since the advertising powers that be know without a doubt that each and every car that drives through that intersection will set though no less than 3 red lights, they installed one of those enormous billboards. It is not just any billboard, it is a high-tech tv-like sign that changes it's ad every 10 seconds. Since we were sitting there, not going anywhere, Natalie was watching the sign change. I wasn't paying it any attention because I was too busy staring at the light willing it to change to green and stay green long enough for us to get through. All of a sudden, from the backseat, I heard,
"MOM!! LOOK!! SESAMEET LIVE IS COMING!! IT REALLY IS!!"
It was if she had just won the kid lottery. I looked back at her and she was beaming. I'm serious, if she smiled any bigger her mouth would have fused with her ears.
I love Sesame Street. I watched it as a kid and I have encouraged Nat to watch it since before she was even old enough to care. We have been to two Sesame Street Lives so far and have enjoyed them both. But this year I really could have cared less if we saw a 7-foot yellow bird dancing and singing or not. So we didn't talk about it with Natalie again. Larry and I discussed it, and never ruled it out. We just weren't going to encourage it.
I knew it was coming this weekend, but Natalie hadn't said anything since we saw the sign so I figured we might just get to skip this one. But today, on the way to gymnastics I heard this sweet little "I'm an angel, now fork over all your loot" voice coming from my daughter.
"Mama, I remember that Sesameet Live sign."
This she remembers. She can't remember to be quiet for ten minutes while Vanessa is sleeping without being reminded. She can't remember that she already had the last cookie two minutes ago and there aren't any more. She can't remember that she really did need to go potty before dance class. But a sign for giant puppets LIVE from a month ago, that she remembers.
So, a trip to the coliseum box office and $51 later, we are going to "Sesameet Live" (by the way, that is how she has always pronounced it) on Saturday. That is their treat. Our treat is that they are going to spend the night at Nana and Papa's house afterwards. Oh, I mean that's for them to....yeah...that's it.

I'm being a baby today

I'm sorry I haven't been updating much. My computer is so screwed up. I need to get all my pics off and have Larry completely reset it. It takes for-ev-er to do anything on here. I am so sick of it.

I haven't really had a lot to say anyway. Life is back to normal around here...or as normal as it ever was. I'm still glad Larry is home. I am not ready to send him off again anytime soon. We are thinking about some kind of vacation for the two of us, but we still have lots of money/vacation time/what to do with the kids issues to sort out. It is still very much in the dream realm instead of the actually happening one. But, boy, could I use a break from everyday life. I love that I get to stay home with my kids, but it can be VERY tiring and stressful. I am so appreciative that I even have the option of being home. So many people have to go out and work and I know so many of them who just want to stay with their kiddos. I also know moms who like the fact that they work because it is actually a bit of an escape. That sounds worse than I mean it to. My attitude right now may stem from the fact that I have a very sassy 4-year-old and a very whiny, teething 10-month-old. They constantly need me. Even when I go to bed I have Natalie as close as she can get and Vanessa still wakes up 3-4 times a night for a bottle and to be held. I CANNOT get her to sleep through the night. Every morning I wake up and feel like crying because I am still so damn tired. I just want a little time away. I just want to be able to miss them for awhile.

I have more things to say floating around in my head, but Vanessa is trying to eat Natalie's leap pad and Natalie is having none of it. Great...now they are both crying. I need a nap.

Back from hiatus

With Larry gone to Las Vegas this week I didn't have a lot of time to do much of anything, let alone get on the internet. But now he is back (YAY!!!) and I have a minute to sit down and post.

I can't even express how happy I am to have my husband back home. I missed him more than I thought I would. And it wasn't just about having help with the girls. It was just seeing him and having him there. I felt like everything was off somehow because I didn't have my best friend here with me.

I don't often give him a ton of credit for how much he does help me with our kids, but I will now. Even if it is just keeping one busy while I am handling the other. Bed time was HELL while he was gone. The routine we had flew out the window and was replaced with what can only be described as mass chaos. I would get Vanessa to sleep and then start getting Natalie to go to bed and Vanessa would wake back up. And then the other way around. And then no one would be asleep and mommy would be holding back the tears and silently cussing daddy for being in Vegas having a great time while I was stuck here with two tired, screaming kids. But we somehow got through it. The girls would finally go to sleep and I would pass out until Vanessa would wake up again 30 minutes later. Oh yeah, did I mention that she was teething and sick with a cold this week as well? Yeah. That made it so much harder. I have a new found respect for single moms.

I haven't really had an opportunity to miss him for a long time since we haven't been apart since we, well, since we met basically. It was kind of nice to feel like I was 21 again, missing him when I didn't see him for a day. I reminded me how much I am in love with him. It made me realize that no matter what is going on, I just really want him here with me. So that was good.

He brought home some great souvenirs for us. Natalie and Vanessa both got stuffed bears that are so cute. Apparently Larry made his dad and brothers drive all over UNLV campus to find the bookstore to get me a UNLV t-shirt. You know how obsessed I am with college basketball and he wanted to get me something from the college. Isn't that sweet? He really is a thoughtful guy when it comes to the people he loves. And he sure does love me! He brought home lots of other stuff too. He went overboard, but it definitely proves that he was thinking of us all the time he was out there.

I hadn't totally realized just how much the girls missed Larry until he was home. Natalie was a little slow to welcome him at the airport. She told me later she was tired and scared in front of everyone. But last night when we were all home together she was beside herself with happiness. She just wanted Daddy to play with her ALL the time! She even wanted him to put her to bed which doesn't happen all that often. He just kept assuring her that he was home now. I think she was worried he would leave again. I was talking to her and said that Daddy had to work Friday and then he would be off for the weekend. I thought she was going to have a heart attack. "Daddy is leaving again? How long will he be gone? Do I get to go this time?" It broke my heart hearing how scared she was that Daddy would be gone again. We both told her Daddy wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Hopefully we will be able to go on a family vacation in the future. I know we would all like that. We will just have to see how the money goes and wait for Larry to get some more vacation time. Then I would love to take the fam to Colorado. I love, love, love the mountains!! But for now I am just happy we are all together again!

And this is why you don't let a 4-year-old plan summer vacation.

Natalie: Daddy is going on vacation.
Me: Yep.
Natalie: When are we going on vacation?
Me: This summer. Where do you want to go?
Natalie: Ummm...Noggin.
Me: The TV channel?
Natalie: Well, yeah! There would be lots of stuff to explore.
Me: Yeah, I guess. But what about the mountains? Would you like to see mountains?
Natalie: Maybe one day, and then the next day we can go to the water, and then the next day we can go to a place with eggs.
Me: Eggs?
Natalie: Yes! But not with birds in them because the pets need to eat them.
Me: Pets. Eating eggs? Oooooook.
......................................

Yeah.

So. Here I am. And I'm still not sure what I'm going to write.

I have been hesitant, to say the least, about blogging. All of a sudden I am completely second guessing everything I want to say. It is so wierd. I write this blog knowing people read it. I tell people to read it. I beg people to read it. And then, when I realize people actually read it I totally freak out. I'm telling you, wierd. But I do want to thank those of you who do read this. I really do want you to. I promise. And if it makes you think or inspires a discusion or brings up a good point, well that's just icing on the cake, huh? (mmmmm...icing....) But don't worry. This is not going to turn into some kind of intellectual lecture. It will still be the same pointless drivel that it has always been. And thank god for that!

I am one of those nerds who likes to write rough drafts of my blogs in my head before I actually put finger to key. This usually happens at night when I am putting the girls to bed. I give Vanessa a bottle and the whole time I am thinking of new, inventive ways to call George W. Bush a douchebag the next day (well, I guess that answers the question of if I'm going to start editing my thoughts before blogging). I read Natalie "The Berenstein Bears Go To School" and all the while I am really thinking about how I am going to write something smart and witty when my day has consisted of nothing but poop and whining, (and really can you get any smarter or wittier than when you are talking about poop? I think not.). So you can imagine my inner dialoge the past few nights as I tried to get my kids to sleep. I thought about all kinds of posts I could make to go on with this blog and "make it work" (I love you Tim Gunn!). And I never could come up with anything that seemed appropriate. So I am just sitting and writing. If it seems a bit disjointed or rambling, well, that's me in a nut shell.

So, as Celine Dion once famously warbled "My Blog Will Go On"...or something like that. I invite you to read and comment. Actually, I demand it!!!

I'm sorry

This blog is not worth hurting anyone's feelings. I'm very sorry. And that is that.

100th post...and I'm feeling like a change

I rarely stick with anything for too long. I start out very enthusiastic about my projects and then I lose interest. So my excitement level is high for this, my 100th post.
But then again, I am feeling a little restless! You might have noticed I changed the name of my blog. I still love my two cute girls, but this has evolved into so much more than just an outlet to update on my kids. I wanted something more all-inclusive about me and my life. "Mom on the brink" pretty much covers everything. It just depends on the day what I might be on the brink of. The look of the blog is going to change too, it is just a matter of getting a minute to really think about it.
I am planning on posting my 101st post later today so check back!!

The nerve of some people....seriously

I had a bad day. Natalie gave me grief all day and Vanessa is getting another tooth so she is really whiny. So it was a bad day. And then..................

I had to stop at Dillons on the way home from dinner to get formula. I really, really didn't want to go but I didn't want to worry about running out tonight so I stopped. Now I wish I hadn't. I was standing in the checkout line behind a guy that obviously knew all the people that worked there. He has talking to them and making them run back and get things he forgot. As he was waiting on the sacker girl to get back with his cholesterol free egg noodles he started reading the formula can that was on the conveyor belt. "So, no breast for that baby, huh?" WHAT??? I was so offended that he would talk about my baby or my breast. I just kind of sneered at him and turned back to Natalie. A second later he says to me, and I am not kidding here, "Poor kid, being tortured with that powdered shit." I was so mad. No scratch that. I was livid. Nope, scratch that too. I was effing pissed. I was so mad I could not physically unclentch my jaw. My hands were shaking. I have all kinds of good comebacks for that man now, but at the time I couldn't even form words.
What would possess that man to think he had any right at all to talk to me about the way I take care of my children. Does he know that I tried my hardest to breast feed my kids and that I just simply ran out at about 4 1/2 months? Does he know that even if I wouldn't have tried at all he had NO RIGHT to criticize my mothering ability? Has he ever breast fed a child? Has he ever gone through the agony and guilt of not being able to do exactly what you want for your own kids?
I am a mom. I'm not perfect by any means but I do what's necessary to take care of my babies. I love them, I keep them clean, I keep them healthy, and I keep them fed. The ONLY people on the face of the planet that have ANY say in how I do any of those things are Larry, the pediatrician, and myself. I ask advice from those that I trust, my mom, Larry's mom, my friends. I certainly don't ask wierd, mean men in the check out line at Dillons.

If I was in the mood for a soap opera I would have stayed home and watched "All My Children"

Let me just start by saying: HOLY CRAP!!!
Some people have no sense of decency. Or privacy. Or respect for others. Or common sense (can you have a sense of common sense? oh well...you get the idea).
I went up to city hall today to turn in my fix-it ticket that I got last Wednesday for not knowing my head light was out. There was a line, but it was moving fairly quickly and most everyone was accepting the wait. Except one woman. One crazy, crazy woman. She was doing that "waiting song and dance" consisting of shifting her weight from leg to leg, sighing obnoxiously, and rolling her eyes so often I thought they might just roll right out of her head. We were ALL waiting. It wasn't like she was being treated differently then the rest of us.
I thought her show was over when she finally got up to the window. I was so, so wrong. Apparently the show had just begun. As her ticket was being taken care of her cell phone rang. She answered and what happened next was impossible not to watch. It was like catching one of those surgery shows on tv when you are channel surfing and not wanting to see it but you are physically unable to change. the. channel. It was like that...but worse.
The caller was a male that we all learned 1. stays in her house without paying any bills. 2. was allowed to "lay his hands" on her just last night. and 3. had the audacity to talk to another female today!!!!!!!!! She was yelling and cussing at him right there in front of everyone, absoluetly oblivious to the rest of us watching her and laughing at all the good parts (such as the afformentioned "laying of the hands"). Now, if I would have had my girls with me I would have been PISSED! But Larry was being a sweetie and watching them in the car so I could run in uninhibited. So it really was like a free soap opera. I was two people from the front of the line and I actually caught myself hoping it would take awhile to get up there so I could see how this all played out. I didn't have to worry...it took awhile.
The funniest part of her tirade was that she kept saying "I am not going to put up with this. I am going to hang up NOW!" and then she would continue on. We all began to smirk everytime she said she was done. Because she never was. She left the room STILL reaming the guy. She threatened with all kinds of good one liners that I will now have in my own repertoire. "I am a woman who just don't give a damn." "Males come and go, come and go. You're nothin' special." "Why would that bitch say it if it wasn't true?" (this one got an actual audible laugh from a few of the spectators). "You ain't nothing but a deadbeat ass bullshitter." (my personal fave!), and then out of nowhere she called him, in the meanest voice possible, a "procrastinator"...I'm not quite sure she knew what that word meant because it had nothing to do with anything else she was screaming at him.
She finally left with a super dramatic opening of the door and was gone. Everyone there looked at each other and laughed the laugh of the relieved and embarrased. The guy in front of me turned and said, "at least the time went by fast." So true stranger guy, so true.

Updates!!!

So much has been happening in our lives lately. It's kind of crazy. Life tends to have serious ebbs and flows, huh? It will be mind-numbingly boring for an extended period of time and then, all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. I won't get into everything that has been going on, but I will give you a brief overview.

Wednesday night my sister-in-law had her baby boy. She labored all day and finally had him at 9:42 at night. She allowed me to be in there with her. I NEVER thought that I would want to be that close to a birth that I wasn't directly involved in. But I have to tell you it was one of the most special things I think I have ever been through. One sister-in-law held one leg, I held the other, and her mom was at her head. I have been close with Larry's family for a while, but after the last few weeks I officially feel like a Roat. It's nice. I always wanted a big family with lots of nieces and nephews...and I have it!
Brayden is a cute little baby, and I'm not just saying that! He is going to be SO spoiled by his grandma and grandpa. This is a very special baby to them and you can totally tell how in love they are already. It's kind of like when my mom first saw Natalie and there was immediatley no doubt that she adored that little girl with every bit of her heart. That is what I saw with Lesley's parents when Brayden was born. Special for sure.

Thursday was Larry's birthday. I felt so bad because he worked all day and we really didn't do anything to celebrate at all. Natalie picked out the sweetest card for him(that made me tear up...I'm such a woman) from her and Vanessa and I got him a card also. We tried and tried to figure out something to get him, but all Nat could come up with was a "baseball guy". I'm not sure if she meant a real, breathing human baseball player or a figurine. But he doesn't like baseball anyway so we decided that maybe we could get him a baseball guy some other time. We ended up going the easy route and getting him a gift certificate for Best Buy.

Today was the girls doctor appointments. It was Natalie's 4-year checkup and Vanessa's 9-month. They checked out well and are healthy. Natalie is still holding steady in the 50th percentile for her age in both height and weight. My teeny-tiny Vanessa is around the 10th percentile for her age. She weighs a whopping 16 pounds!! She is just a petite little girl. Natalie had to get shots and she hated it, of course. There were some tears for sure. Vanessa didn't have to get shots, but still screamed like a crazy woman. Damn that doctor for having to measure her head! It sounded like she was being tortured and she kept looking at me like, "do something woman! Can't you SEE what he is doing to me!" But all in all the apointment went well and my girls look great.

There are other things that I could blabber on about, but I think I'm going to go snuggle with Natalie and watch some Backyardigans. I'm not sure who likes those dancing, singing, imagineing animated animals...me or my 4-year-old!!

Getting political on yo asses!!

You might not know this about me, but I am fiercely political. I am passionate about my views. I am also passionate about your views, even if they don't always agree with mine. I would much rather a person have different ideas on the issues then no ideas at all. Unless you are a fan of Bush...I'm just kidding....kind of.
Today is Super Tuesday and by tonight we are going to have a much clearer vision of where our country will be heading. I am excited by this. We are finally going to get some much needed change in our government. There are some candidates that promote more change than others (hello McCain..100 years in Iraq? Seriously? And you think people want that?). Take the democratic ticket for example. It will either be a young black man or a woman. Wow. Doesn't that just give you chills? I am thrilled we are opening up our collective minds and allowing change in. That makes this election important all on it's own.
The other issue making this election so important is that our country is struggling. Our economy is down, people are getting kicked out of their houses right and left, millions are going without enough to eat, kids aren't getting the proper care for their health. Which leads me to one of my key issues, we don't have any kind of universal health care. It has been done, and done well, in other countries that have far less money and resources. So why are we ok with so many middle of the financial road Americans not having the means to go to the doctor when they need to?
And then there is this war. This ridiculous war. I just want our men and women back home, where they should be. Not out fighting Bush's personal vendetta. We have screwed oursleves in the area of foreign relations, which is one of the scariest things I can think of. Who is going to have our backs when we are threatened again? And don't think that we won't be. We are not any safer now then we were in 2001. I would go so far as to say we are in more danger now with the amount of hate that has built up towards us around the world.
Of course there is also the envrionment that we are not so slowly destroying, a lacking education system where children are left behind constantly, woman's rights, human rights, immigration, and the ever-present problem of tax hikes and breaks. As you can probably tell at this point, I could go on and on and on and on and on.
At this point in our history we all need to stand up. We need to use our voices and our votes. We need to let Washington DC know we are not happy with how things are going. We need to shape our own futures and prepare the world for our kids to take over.
Go Clinton...or Obama....or both(wouldn't that be a great ticket?)

Cause and Effect

Because it was a beautiful day with just the right amount of warm and breezy, I took Natalie and Vanessa to the zoo today after Nat got out of school.



Because someone forgot to put the stroller back in the trunk this weekend I had to spend the $8 and get one of the stollers at the zoo.



Because Vanessa rode in the stoller, Natalie actually rode in, and stayed in, the stoller almost the entire way through the zoo.



Because Natalie was sitting beside her showing her all the animals and telling her facts about each one (sample..."Bears are stinky."), Vanessa had the time of her life waving, pointing and clapping at them all.



Because the girls were extra good this trip we walked through the whole zoo instead of just the easy parts.



Because I forgot my camera I missed HUNDREDS of cute photo opportunities of my girls enjoying the zoo together for the first time that Vanessa didn't just sleep or cry through the whole thing.



Because gas is so expensive I didn't drive all the way home and get the camera like I initially wanted to.



Because we had such a wonderful time I am now extremely ready for spring and double pissed that it is going to be cold and snowy tomorrow.

Happy Vanessa Things

Since the blog has been kind of depressing for a couple of days I thought I would post about all the fun new things my baby is doing for a little break.

For about two weeks now Vanessa has been clapping. It is so cute I can hardly stand it. She gets so excited and claps so enthusiastically that she usually tips herself over. Natalie loves clapping with her and then we all get involved of course. Lately if you were to peak through our windows (please don't...my house is too messy) you might find our whole family clapping for a basketball game, or a commercial, or even the news.

Vanessa also took her first "official" steps on Tuesday night. Larry's parents and sister were over to visit and she let go of the coffee table and took two very distinct steps to Larry. She then fell backwards and started screaming bloody murder, but she WALKED!!!! I say offical steps because Larry works with her all the time and she has stumbled a few steps to him before. But this was just a lot more deliberate and steady. I always hold her hands and let her walk around the house and she loves that. She gets such a kick out of doing things her big sister does. I know I am in for a world of trouble because not only will I have my spirited 4-year-old, but I will also have her little copycat.

She is getting so big! She says dada and mama and all kinds of babble words. She is approximately 17 pounds, both girls have a doctors appointment next week so I will know for sure how big they are getting. I just can't believe how proud I am of both my smart girls.
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On another note, Larry and I are going to Bill's funeral tomorrow. After the service here in Wichita we will all drive the 1 1/2- 2 hours to New Albany in southeast Kansas for the burial. With this weather I am a little nervous about such a long drive, but hopefully the roads will be pretty clear by tomorrow afternoon.
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And on another note....my sister-in-law is not going to be able to make the trip with us tomorrow because she is 38 weeks pregnant. So Lesley, you better keep that baby in there until I get back!!!!

Nobody said this would be easy

We told Natalie last night about her Uncle Bill. She doesn't quite understand it yet, but really, neither do I. She had a ton of questions, some that I could answer and some that I couldn't. She really just wanted to know when he would be alive again. How do you explain to a 4-year-old the concept of death? How do you explain that someone she saw every day for her entire life is not going to be there anymore? It was hard. Probably harder on Larry and I then on Natalie.

The family viewing was today and I really struggled with the decision on whether to take her or not. I didn't want her to be scared but I did want to give her the chance to say goodbye. Since all of her close family was going to be there, including Larry and I, we decided to go. I am glad we did. As we were leaving she said goodbye and that she loved him. I have a feeling he heard her. But then on the way home she had SO many questions. I was crying and stressed to her that it was ok to be sad. She cried a little bit and then said, "I have an idea. Let's take him home with us and take care of him and make him well." I told her we couldn't do that. "Maybe a doctor could." I told her not even a doctor could. She was quite for a moment. "We can still see him there, right?" I told her no. He wouldn't be there anymore. "But he is ok?" I told her he was ok. That he was in heaven and he wasn't sick anymore. That he was happy there. And then she said something that absolutely brought me to tears. "He will always be here with us." After I could talk again without sobbing I told her that in a way he would always be with us. That we could talk to him whenever we wanted even though he couldn't talk back anymore.

This is so hard. I can only imagine how hard it is on his family...his brothers and sisters, his nieces and nephews. Larry is doing as well as can be expected. He is sad, but he is holding up. The funeral is Friday here in town and the burial is after that in New Albany, where the Roat's are from. My mom is watching the girls that day. I just think it will be best. Death is a part of life and I understand that, but it sucks. It just plain sucks.