So, how are ya?

What a week. Holy crap. I kind of feel like I might have been run over by a truck. And it's not over by a long shot.

So, I will start by saying that last Saturday it snowed so hard I couldn't even see Carisa's house....right across the street. It was a literal blizzard. Here is a picture of our back yard during some of the lighter snowfall.

I love this picture of Vanessa looking out at the snow. The girls wanted to go play in it so bad. Which leads me to my next topic......Natalie and Vanessa have both been battling some pretty nasty colds. Natalie's is almost gone, but Nessa just can't shake hers. She is still all stuffed up and so she can't suck on a bottle or her pacifier so that means very little sleep. For both of us.

Because Natalie was sick we couldn't have the Roat Christmas over here. I was pretty disappointed. I had been looking forward to maybe starting a tradition of the family Christmas at our house. I guess that will have to wait until next year. Santa did visit us on Christmas Eve which would have been great, but Natalie hid behind a chair and Vanessa did this...

After we stopped torturing our kids with the magic of Christmas they opened their matching jammies and their books (our Christmas Eve tradition).

Vanessa woke up first on Christmas morning. I couldn't get her back to sleep so we went in and got Natalie up. She still was feeling icky so her enthusiasm was down, but we managed to get her up with the promise that Santa had been there. Santa brought Ness a little stage. She loves it. She dances and "sings" along.

Santa left Natalie a pink V-Smile and four games. She really likes it...and so do I!

All in all, it was a really nice Christmas. I would have preferred the girls to be well, but you can't really plan that stuff, huh? We still had fun and gave each other good stuff. Larry spoiled the shit out of me. He spent WAY more then we agreed on. I didn't know whether to be grateful or mad. I decided on grateful. I got the most beautiful diamond earrings (I've never had REAL diamond earrings) and an MP3 player with all the accessories. Just what I wanted!!!!! I guess he does listen to me after all!

We then had less then a week to recoup and get ready for my baby girl to turn 4! 4!!!!! Can you believe it? I can't. She is such a big girl. Saturday Larry, the girls and I went to Applebees for lunch with a gift card we had. Ignore the trash and dirty dishes in front of us in this picture. It occurs to me now we should have taken pictures before we ate.

On Sunday we had Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Lesley, Nana, and Papa over for a day-of-her-birthday party. She will have a bigger one on the 5th with her friends and family. She got another V-Smile game, sparkly pink princess shoes, and a ton of Barbie furniture. She loved it all. Especially the cake!

Last night was a nice New Year's Eve. The four of us just stayed home. With the girls still trying to get over being sick and me being insanely tired we just wanted to do a lot of nothing. So we did. Both girls were up to ring in 2008, but not by plan. It just happened that Natalie couldn't go to sleep at all and Vanessa woke up at about 11:45. So we all went to the back door, watched the fireworks people were shooting off, and kissed each other at midnight. Even though it was not exciting and some of us were a little cranky (me), we decided it was the best New Years Eve ever. This will be our first year with a complete family. And I guess that within itself is reason to celebrate.

So, happy New Year!!! I hope everyone is happy and well. And I promise I will post again soon (so quit bugging me Mom! ha ha)!

Remembering what's important

I love my daughter.
This has not been the greatest Christmas Eve. Natalie is sick with a cold. She is sneezing and coughing and feeling miserable. She has pretty much camped out in our bed and watched movies all day.
We had big plans to bake cookies and cupcakes for the Roat Family Christmas that was scheduled for this evening at our house. But since that had to be postponed I decided that I would make some easy chocolate chip cookies and call it good. I was getting all my stuff out and ready when Nat wondered in and asked about the cupcakes. I told her that we weren't going to make them today.
"But we HAVE to."
"Why do we HAVE to?"
"For Santa. I want to give him one too."
(chuckle chuckle)"You know sweetie, just because you leave him something better than a cookie doesn't mean you will get extra presents."
"No mom. What if he is grumpy?"
Oh, how jaded I have become. I assumed that the reason for Natalie's plan was to benefit herself. But she surprised me. You see, we have been reading a book this Christmas Season called "Grumpy Santa". He has a horrible day and is grumpy while delivering presents....until he gets to a house where some children have left him a nice note and some cookies. The message is "when people do nice things for you the grumpies disappear". My beautiful, wonderful, marvelous daughter wanted to make sure that if Santa was grumpy she would have something waiting for him that would make him happy. She didn't care if she would score big on the presents (don't worry, she will), she just wanted to make someone else happy.
It kind of reminds you of how we are really supposed to act, huh?
I love my daughter.

SLEDDING!!!

Being real

I have been accused of not representing the facts in this blog. And I plead guilty.

More than once I have called one of my close confidants and cried and bitched and moaned and then the same day made a post full of smiles and sunshine. Inevitably I will then get a call from said confidant that goes something like this: "What the hell happened? Did someone slip you a happy pill?"

I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I haven't posted in a while if you have noticed. Every time I sit down and write everything comes out so negative. I am stressed. I am tired. I am desperate for some down time. Boo-freaking-hoo! So I end up hitting the delete button and walking away from my blog. Just because I don't want to post my reality.

I am just like most people out there, I want the world to think my life is doing nothing but spewing rainbows. But I must be honest...it is not always rainbows that it is spewing. Sometimes it is something much more unpleasant. And then also, I know there are so many people out there who have it so much worse off then I do. But does that mean I can't have a bad day? Or two? Or maybe a month? Or that I just can't talk about it?

I am happy with my life most of the time. I am content most of the time. But for every time I tell you all that I love my dogs, there is a time that I just want them to be anywhere except under my feet. For every time I tell you how much I love my husband, there is a time that I can't stand even being near him. For every time I tell you how cute my kids are (which they are by the way), there is a time I want to run off to Morocco and stay there...forever.

Being a grown up is hard work. Nobody ever tells you that. Or maybe they do and I just never listened. There are days I would give anything just not to have to make one more decision that will surely affect my childs life FOREVER!! I have a constant feeling of guilt built into my brain. I feel like I can't be making the right decisions. About school, about discipline, about dietary issues, about everything. I have a hard time deciding what I want at McDonald's, how am I supposed to decide if Natalie should start a multi-day preschool now or next fall? And will whatever I decide scar her for life. If she is not ready and we throw her into it, will she hate school forever? If we hold off and she loses this half of a year will she be forever behind all her classmates? And ultimately will she grow up hating and resenting me because I made the wrong choice?

There is so much more to being a parent then what you think. Sure I can change a diaper and I can even stay up all night with a sick and whiny baby (even though I really don't like to). But it is the things beyond that that make parenthood and adulthood so damn hard.

I would like to say now that I am not looking for pity. I am not depressed or even sad really. I am just a normal person. I am just trying to be real. I wanted to post today and this is what came out. And I am kind of happy it did. I feel a sense of release. I AM NOT PERFECT!!! I am not always happy. I don't always want to be married to Larry, although I couldn't see living my life with anyone else by my side. I don't always like my kids, although I do always love them. I don't always want to own dogs, although I have no idea what I would do if they weren't cuddled up by me at night. I don't always want this life I chose, although it has brought me so much more then I ever thought possible. I don't always want to be a grown up, although it definately has it's perks.

Maybe tomorrow I will post something much happier like the pictures of the family sledding on Sunday or how Natalie is now calling all her dolls baby Jesus (as in "don't take Baby Jesus away from me! Baby Jesus has to go into Dillons too!") (by the way I am guessing she got that from school. We are not religious people and the first time she screamed at me to leave her baby Jesus alone I laughed so hard I almost peed. Seriously.)

Maybe tomorrow.

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." - Mae West

The temptation was just becoming too much for the girl. She had stared at, felt, shook, poked, and even smelled the presents as much as she could before she exploded in a fit of impatience.

"MOM!!! I CAN'T WAIT ALL THAT LONG TIME TO OPEN THESE!!!"

I explained we had less than two weeks.
I explained that waiting made opening them even more exciting.
I explained that opening any now would mean less on Christmas morning.
I explained that this was preparing her for a lifetime of having to wait for what you want.

None of that mattered to the small girl trying to carefully untape presents without me knowing.

"MOM!!! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!! PLEASE!!! PLEEEEEEASE!!!! I WILL BE SOOO GOOD!!!!"

And being the strong willed, no-means-no kind of mother I am...I compromised and let her open a stocking present.

Significant Icing Events and me

It is still just raining pretty good here, but since they say the temps are going to keep dropping, I would say we are in for a pretty good sheet of ice out there. By the time Larry has to drive home from work at 7 it will be SO dangerous. I will worry until he pulls in the driveway, of course, just like I did last night. I am so much like my mother it's scary. I sit there and imagine all the horrible things that could happen and then when I have thought about them thoroughly, I convince myself that they really happened. Then I freak out until I am proven wrong. It's not a healthy habit. It makes me, and every one around me, crazy. Just like my mom!

Since the news has been full of talk of the impending ice storm for days now, Larry and I have had some time to talk about our options if and when the power goes out. I can remember the January 2005 storm so well. It was right after Natalie's first birthday party. Our power went out pretty early in the storm and stayed out for about a week. Natalie and I toughed it out for about a half of a day, then we all moved into Larry's office at work. Two adults, a one-year-old and two dogs...all living in a little office at a tow lot. Not my idea of a great time. But we made the most of it. We took videos and games and lots of toys. We slept on a pallet of blankets and cushions for the outdoor chairs. Natalie had her pack n' play to sleep and play in. It wasn't all that bad, but I was so excited the day we came home and we had power!!! A big branch had broken off and landed on our cable wire in the back yard, but that was really the only damage we received. One house up the street had a giant tree just tip over from all the weight right onto the front of the house. Another house caught fire. All in all we were pretty lucky.
We have decided that this time around we will be going back to the lot if the power is knocked out. It really is the most convenient place for us. Larry has to work anyway (tow lots don't close for ice...they just get busier!) and everyone else that we could stay with are pretty far away. This way we are close enough to check on the house every day and keep a somewhat normal schedule. But, let's all just hope our power stays on and we can remain warm and cozy in our own home.

To all of you out there reading this that are effected by this big storm, stay safe and stay warm!

Funny girl

What are you doing Nat?
I gave Natalie a couple strands of gold bead garland to put on her little Christmas tree. She immediately went and decorated it and then stood back to admire her work. I went and got Vanessa up and when I came back she was in the same place grinning.
"What are you doing Nat?"
"Oh, just standing here taking a smile at this garlic."
She just couldn't understand what I thought was so funny!

Rapping Reindeer
The other night Larry and Natalie were talking in our bedroom. I could hear them, but not what they were saying. I heard Larry laugh and then he called me in.
"Sing it to mommy," he told Natalie.
She stood up and said,
"You know that song, mommy? You know the one that goes...
"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and IceCube"

Christmas Survey

Christmas Survey
Do you like Christmas?: yes, very much!
Do you have any family traditions?: I have a lot from when I was a kid, and we are now making new ones for Nat and Ness
When do you start decorating?: I try to start as soon after Thanksgiving as I can
White or Colored Lights?: colored on the tree, white outside
Do you have a favorite decoration?: probably my small white glittery tree that was my Grandma Alta's
When do you take down decorations?: whenever I get around to it...I'm a little white trash like that!
When do you start your Christmas shopping?: depends on how much money we have that year...this year I started in early November
Do you go to or throw Christmas parties?: I would go if invited!
Do you celebrate on Christmas Eve at all?: yesIf so, what do you do?: We start with the Roat Christmas here at the house, then the kids get jammies and a new book. we leave cookies out and read the Night Before Christmas and try to go to sleep
What time do you get up on Christmas morning?: as early as I can!
What's your favorite holiday treat?: peanut butter ritz bitz dipped in chocolate!
Hot Chocolate or Egg Nog?: hot chocolate with bunny shaped marshmellows
Do you believe in Santa?: hell yes
Did you as a kid?: yes, even when I said I didn't
What's your favorite Christmas movie?: Christmas Story
What's your favorite Christmas song?: It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas
Sitting by a fire or riding through the snow?: riding through the snow
What was your best gift you ever got?: Natalie, just 5 days late!
What was the best gift you ever gave?: Natalie
What do you want this year?: an MP3 player
Have you ever gone carolling?: not officially!
Real tree or fake tree?: REAL
Naughty or nice?: a little of both
Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?: yes
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe?: Larry
What tops your Christmas tree?: an angel on the family tree, a star on the kids tree
Do you like candy canes?: yes, the cherry ones
Have you sent out your Christmas cards yet?: nope, working on it

Oh, Christmas Tree

The tree is up, it is decorated, and there are already a whole bunch of shiny presents underneath. Our house truly feels like Christmas now. Every time I walk into the hallway I go by the tree and that smell makes me downright giddy. I just love it! I got a great new tree skirt yesterday for 2 dollars at a little store on Lincoln between Main and Broadway called Funky Junk. I was so excited to find it...it was a little sad how excited I really was. Is my life really that boring that a tree skirt would fill me with glee?

Anyway, I was worried about the girls playing with the tree constantly, and I was right! But it's not that bad. Natalie likes the ornaments a lot, but I put all the glass ones and special ones up top. The top of the tree is packed with stuff. There is not so much at the bottom though. Vanessa really like crawling up and grabbing the low branches and rubbing the wrapping paper. I just move her back each time. I figure it gives her some crawling practice going to the tree time and time again after I move her back.Here is a picture of our beautiful tree. It is in night view so that is why it looks so streaky.

This is Natalie and Vanessa's tree. All the ornaments are safe and can be played with. It is just not fair to put up a tree full of small toys and then tell a three-year-old they cannot touch it. So I give her her own tree. Here are Larry and Natalie hanging an ornament. I just love watching them together. As much as a mommies girl as she is, she still loves her daddy. And of course he just adores her!Merry Christmas in 19 days!!!

It really is a wonderful life!

Life is moving about a zillion miles per hour right now. It's like when the holidays come along, time speeds up. I remember as a kid the month before Christmas seemed to take for-ev-er. Now it all goes so fast! There is so much to do, so many places to be, so many plans to make. It is all kind of crazy...but oh so much fun. Now with Natalie in full out Christmas mode and Vanessa really beginning to enjoy all this holiday craziness, it is even more fun.

Last Friday Vanessa had her very first cinematic experience...and she slept through the whole thing! I was worried about how she would handle the noise, but before the movie even started she had a bottle and went to sleep. So as she slept, Mom, Natalie and I watched "Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium". I loved loved loved it. It was a little over Nat's head and dealt quite a bit with death, but it was such a nice, sweet movie. I have to admit, it was nice to see a real G rated movie for once. No fart jokes, no sexual innuendos that I hope that my 3-year-old won't ask me about. Don't get me wrong...I love me some Shrek and I am not some saint that only likes pure, wholesome entertainment. But I actually relaxed with this movie and didn't worry that Natalie was seeing something she really shouldn't. The only thing that bothered me was when she kept asking about death, but we have been slowly introducing that into her life. Just the other day I had to explain to her that Max the lizard died and we had to bury him in the garden. I don't want her to be terrified by the thought of death at this age. She already has had a reoccuring nightmare that Larry and I die and she has to go live with Nana and Papa.

But I digress. The movie was fabulous and I recommend it highly.

Yesterday while Natalie was in school, Vanessa and I finished up our Christmas shopping...pretty much. I have a few other things to get, but for the most part I am done. And I have even started wrapping some. It feels so nice to be on top of things this early. Usually the week before Christmas I am out in the crowds trying to get everyone shopped for. This year I slowly bought stuff when I found good sales. I got the most for my money which was essential with two kids to shop for now. The funny thing is I will look in the Sunday ads every week and when I find something I got a month ago on sale for more than I got it for I feel this sense of accomplishment and pride. It's kind of ridiculous what makes me happy these days! It really is the little things in life.

Last night we met Larry after work and got our Christmas tree. We haven't had a real tree since we lived together in Lawrence. I was excited to finally get that smell back in the house. But then we got the damn thing and I remembered the pros of a fake tree. Because it took so long to get the tree even ready to go up, and I won't even go into the fiasco that was putting it in it's stand, we didn't decorate it. Natalie put the angel on top and we stopped for the night. This morning Larry and I strung the lights so it's all ready for us. I will take the girls out to look at Christmas lights around downtown and then we will all snuggle up, drink hot chocolate, and decorate. Good family fun!

I will end with this picture of Nat placing the angel. We have a big day of seeing Santa tomorrow, so I will try to post more pics after that. Until then I will try to slow down and actually enjoy the season.....we'll see!

Vanessa's Accomplishments

My baby is growing up. She is still pretty petite, but I don't think that will last too long as much as she has been eating lately. I call her my tiny hungry hungry hippo. She gets so mad when the food is gone and she is still opening that little baby bird mouth for more. The only food I have found that she doesn't like is peas. I'm not sure if it is because of the taste or the texture. They are thicker then the other baby foods, so that may be it. Other than that, she loves it all, but especially fruit!
She has been sitting unassisted for about a month and has been going from laying to sitting for a couple of weeks. She has also been moving around for a month or two. It went from rolling wherever she wanted to go to the "army crawl" where she just kind of pulls herself around. For a couple weeks she would get up on her hands and knees and rock. Yesterday she began "real" crawling. She gets up and goes. It is a little awkward looking still, but she manages to go where she wants...usually just where I DON'T want her to go!
With all these big milestones being met lately it has been a bit of a whirlwind of babydom. But I was ok with it all. Until she crawled yesterday. It was like it all hit me. My littlest baby is not such a little baby anymore. Soon she will be walking and talking and being a toddler. I am so not ready for that. I am not ready to let go of the infant label. I know she will still be a baby for awhile, but now I know just how fast it goes. Natalie will be 4 in about 30 days. Seriously? 4? I can't believe it. I refuse to believe it. I love my girls so much. They are the absolute greatest things that have ever happened to me. They can drive me so crazy, but I still love them like no other. They are my babies, no matter how old they get!

***I forgot when I wrote this earlier that my baby girl is also pulling herself up to stand. I was reminded this morning when I got to the point in making their breakfasts when I couldn't hold Vanessa anymore. I went and put her in her crib so I wouldn't have to worry about where she was for a few minutes. She was less than happy with me. I went back in to get her and she was standing there looking at me all proud like. She was doing what I refer to as the "baby smirk". I think she gets that from her dad!

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,
Just in case you read my blog, here is an easy to access list of the things I want for Christmas. I feel I've been a good girl (with just minor exceptions!). So, without further ado....

*Shirts. Since you watch to see if I have been bad or good for goodness sakes, you already know that many of the shirts I currently wear I have been wearing since 8th grade. I am sure I am out of fashion even for the North Pole.

*Scrapbooking "stuff". I know you are an equal opportunity Santa, but please disregard my husbands letter asking you to please haul off my scrapbooking stuff. He doesn't know what he's talking about. I really do need more!

*an MP3 player. I promise I won't use it to drown out the screaming and whining of my children...too often.

*a vacation. I know that this one will be hard to bring down my chimney (mainly because I don't have a chimney), but a plane ticket will do. Please make it somewhere that absolutely forbids children and husbands and dogs and lizards and really anything but me, a cold Bud light, and a trashy gossip magazine.

*a maid. If you can spare an elf that cleans, does laundry, and cooks I would really appreciate it.

*a kick-ass pair of black shoes. Oh, can I say ass? I bet you do, as in "Rudolph move your goddamned red nosed ass. We still have the entire west coast to get to."

*money. I know this sounds a bit tactless, but can you think of a better, more versatile present? I sure can't!

Thank you in advance for the wonderful gifts under my tree Christmas morning. I'm sure whatever you bring will be wonderful. Oh, and throw in some world peace and a fancy Barbie for Natalie.
Thanks!!
Loni

Giving thanks!!

Happy Thanksgiving.....yesterday. At least I'm within 24 hours, I would say that's pretty damn good.

We had a great Thanksgiving. It was fun and busy and full of good food and family. Just what it is supposed to be. We started at Larry's aunt and uncle's house. It is so nice to get together with his family. Aside from his parents and a couple of his siblings, we don't see his family all that much. But it is so nice when we do. They are fun and funny and nice. So, that leads me to my first "I'm thankful for..." of this post. I'm thankful for Larry's family. I get along so well with his parents and his sister and I'm getting to know his little brother and his family better all the time. I know so many people who not only don't like to get together with their in-laws, but actually DREAD it. I never do. I love seeing my new family. They have accepted me as one of them. I am truely a Roat.
Larry's aunt has a game room in her basement and I really thought Natalie would never, ever want to leave. She played some pool and quite a bit of air hockey and even cheated her ass off in ski-ball. She is my daughter!! She ate a plate of food even though we were going to my parents for dinner as soon as we left. And of course she couldn't resist some chocolate desert! Again...my daughter!
Then we went to my parents. My mom made an all-out Thanksgiving dinner that was EXCELENT! Those specific foods made in those specific ways will always give me warm and fuzzies. I remember so many wonderful Thanksgivings with my parents. They always made it special. It was always just the three of us..our holiday. And now we have added Larry and the girls and finally, it feels complete. We laughed and ate and watched some football and ate and played with Natalie's new Santa's workshop playset and ate. All in all it was successful and fun and just what I needed to start off this big holiday season.
Oh, and Natalie l-o-v-e-d the parade. "MOMMY, COME QUICK!! YOU ARE GOING TO MISS IT!!"
She particularly loved the Hello Kitty balloon, the Barbie on the Island float, and Santa of course! She sat with eyes wide and mouth open. It was great. Having a little girl makes these things even better. I keep forgetting how something as simple as the Thanksgiving parade made me feel as a child. Watching Natalie experience it and actually feeling the same emotions that I did way back when is almost magical. Some of the excitment and wonder of the season fades as you get older, but it all comes rushing back when you have a kid. It really is awesome.
So, here we go.....I have so much to be thankful for. I have a husband who loves me and cares about me. I have two little girls that make life better than I ever imagined it could be. I have two dogs and one lizard that add joy to our house. I have wonderful parents and parents-in-law whom I feel I could go to anytime for anything. I have a house around my family that we all love and feel safe in. I have my health and the health of my family. I have everything I really need. I love my life and I am excited about the years to come. I am thankful that I am me and that I am what I am and that I have come to a point where I can accept that.

Hi. My name is Loni and I'm a nail-biter.

Click. ClickClick. Click. ClickClickClick.

That was the sound of me biting my nails. I have been a nail-biter for as long as I can remember. I have also wanted to quit biting my nails for as long as I can remember. It's gross. It's stupid looking. It's just something I really don't want to do anymore.

Usually it is a totally unconscious action. When I am bored or being impatient I find myself gnawing away. But it is also a coping mechanism. When I am mad, or sad, or nervous, or uncomfortable I bite. It really does help me calm down. I guess it is kind of my security blanket in a way. Something that is always there for me when I need it.

But I am so ready to not have that security anymore. In the last twenty years I have tried everything I could think of to try to stop chewing on my hands. I have used the yucky tasting nail polish, I have put band-aids on the fingers I tend to chew on the most, I have gotten wonderful expensive manicures with fake fingernails. None of these things worked even a little bit. I got used to the polish (I was not proud of that) and I chewed on the fake nails until they came off and then I continued chewing on my nails. I thought that I could quit when I got engaged because I wanted to show off my ring and I HATE showing people my hands. But no, I just found a way to show my ring without drawing attention to my grotesque fingernails.

I am embarrassed by my hands. I am embarrassed when I find myself biting in public. I am just plain embarrassed. I don't want this addiction anymore (it is way past a habit now). Got any ideas for me? I am open to suggestions!

Raising Natalie

A very wise woman (who just so happened to give birth to me) once told me a very wise thing. She said that Natalie treated Larry and I the way she does because she is so comfortable in the fact that we will love her no matter what she does. She is good in school, in dance class, for the doctor..but for us, she becomes a small, but powerful, terror. While she is correct in assuming that I will love her till the end of the earth no matter what, she seems bent on testing this love daily. Sometimes it is hard to like her when she is telling me what a horrible mother I am. Or when she is fighting me to do something that NEEDS to be done. Or when she is throwing herself around like a wild banshee screaming and thrashing because no, she can not have the entire bag of oreos for breakfast. It can be a little maddening. But I do still love her.

The thing about Natalie (and probably any child) is that in one breath she can be telling me she wishes she had a different mommy and in the next breath she needs me to hold her and kiss on her and profess my love to her. Yes, a minute ago she hated me, but now that she fell down and hurt herself I am back in her good graces. I am again the giver of comfort, the place she feels safe and loved. This can become very complicated when she gets hurt doing something she shouldn't have been doing. Yesterday, for example, she was in time out because she hit me. I was mad, she was mad, we were all mad. She was throwing her head around screaming about the lack of fairness in our house when she smacked herself on the back of the chair. I heard it and knew that it hurt. She was crying for me and of course I went. I held her and rubbed her sore head until she calmed down. Then she thought that time out was forgotten and lets go back to running around. I really was conflicted as to what to do. Did she even remember what she was there for in the first place? Should I just let this one go? But I didn't want her to think she could hurt herself and everything before would be forgiven. So I sat her back down, reminded her that she had smacked me in the face, and set the timer for the remainder of her three minutes. She was unhappy to say the least. The fit continued right where it had left off...but she calmed down and finished her time out eventually. I hope I handled this situation right. So much of parenting is trial and error. They should tell you that in the hospital. "This is how you clean the umbilical cord, this is how much you should feed her, and oh yeah, you are going to screw up continuously before you learn what works for you and your baby. You will feel like a big fat failure while your kid is screaming at you but every once in a while she will learn and then you will feel an accomplishment you have never in your life felt and it is all worth it." But they don't tell you that. They let you find that out by yourself.

Before I end this rant I want to tell of one such accomplishment we had. Last Friday Natalie and I had to return the library books. I will admit I was frazzled and Natalie didn't want to go anywhere so the trip was doomed from the start. I collected all the books except two. I asked Nat where they were and since she was not in the mood to cooperate she wouldn't help look for them. For the next couple of minutes there was a lot of yelling back and forth while I searched and she sat on her bedroom floor defiantly. Later in the day after the books had been returned and we were calm I held her in my lap and told her I was sorry for getting so angry with her and losing my patience. She looked into my eyes and said, "and I'm sorry for sitting on my butt and just looking in one pile." She does listen!!!!!!!!!!!

The bedroom issue

While the title may sound like this is going to be some juicy, intimate post...it is not. It is about my girls and our first big issue with having two children instead of just one.



When we found this house in March of 2003 we were not really planning ahead in any way. Larry's parents had been so great and gracious and let us live in their basement for almost a year after we got married. While I appreciated it so much, I didn't necessarily like it. I had been living on my own for four years, I had just graduated college, and we were newlyweds. We wanted our own house and our own independence. We had looked at quite a few houses and for various reasons none of them worked out. When we looked at this house I immediately liked it. It has a great big backyard, beautiful woodwork throughout, and it would be "our" house. What I wasn't thinking was, "I bet I get pregnant immediately and then in 3 and a half years we will have another one, and what if we want more after that????" Those things never crossed my mind.



But we did get pregnant as soon as we got the house, and we did have another three and a half years later, and I am thinking what if we want more. This house is two bedrooms. Two small bedrooms. It definitely wasn't a problem when it was just Larry and I for those 9 months. And it really wasn't a problem when it was just Natalie, although her toys and stuff filled the room very quickly! But now there are four of us living here. And I am having trouble finding room for everything. The girls "share" a room, but they can't both sleep in it. First Vanessa would wake up Natalie and then Natalie would wake up Vanessa. And that means we would all be up a lot more then we should be. It is hard in the middle of the night to deal with both of them. So Natalie now sleeps on her mattress on our floor. It is in front of the closet so we have lost the use of it for the most part. It also has taken "our" room and made it more her room. I don't even get to lay in bed and read before I go to sleep because it would wake Nat up.



But the real problems happen in the daytime. Most of the toys are still in the girls bedroom, which means when Vanessa goes down for a nap Natalie can't play. I try to get her to pick out toys to bring to the living room before she goes to sleep, but she always wants something else. And that something else is always the thing that would be loudest to get. So either I tell Natalie she can't play with what she wants or take my chances and go get the toy. Vanessa usually wakes up then. Or like today, Vanessa fell asleep kind of unexpectedly and Natalie was already playing in her room. I put Ness on our bed and checked on her every two seconds because I was sure she was going to roll off and break her neck. Needless to say, the nap only lasted fifteen minutes at best.



I just feel like both of the girls are getting cheated. Yesterday Natalie and I were talking about what she wanted for Christmas. She said a bedroom. I said "you have a bedroom". But then I got to thinking...she had been told at least twenty times to stay out of that room so Vanessa could rest after her shots yesterday. Can it really be your bedroom if you don't sleep in it and are very rarely even allowed to be in it? So, is my room even my room any more? Get the idea?



This is the life we chose. I understand and accept that. I don't work so I can stay at home and raise our girls the way we want them raised. This is more than anything the most important fact of our lives. So our finances are not vast to say the least. We can't just run out and pick up another, bigger house. And I really do love and appreciate this house. This situation is just stressing me out right now. I want both girls to have their own space. And I do hate that we don't even have the option of having more kids because we would have absolutely NOWHERE to put them (and no, we don't really think we want more, but the option would be nice!). But can I really complain. We have a roof over our heads and walls around our bodies. We have warmth and protection. There are so many that don't that I feel selfish for complaining. But I guess that won't stop me, huh?

A really puke-tastic birthday!

I will admit that on more than one of my birthdays, or the day immediately following, I have felt under the weather and pukey. That was not so much the effect of being sick though, it was more the effect of vodka.
But this birthday I was definitely sick. Oh. My. God. We dropped the girls off at my parents on Saturday evening and went out for a really nice dinner. Then Larry surprised me by taking me to Kohl's and letting me pick out a couple new pairs of jeans. He didn't even complain when I had to try on every pair I saw. It was really sweet. We decided to just go home and watch the end of the KU football game and then watch movies. Everything was fine until the room started spinning. I hadn't had enough to drink to make things spin so I kind of knew something was up. Then my tummy started hurting. I decided to go to bed even though I really didn't want to. At midnight I woke up and had to SPRINT to the bathroom and up it all came. All night and all day Sunday (my actual birthday) I was sick. I pretty much just laid on the floor and groaned. It so sucked!!! Larry ended up getting it Sunday night. We are both still trying to get over it. My stomach still hurts and I get nauseated if I move too much. No fun.
Even though my 28th birthday wasn't what I had planned or expected there were still some nice parts. Larry and I got to spend some time just the two of us, mom and dad got me an ice cream cake (I just eat the chocolate crumbly parts...but they are worth every penny), Nat made me a sweet card, Vanessa slept most of the way through Sunday night, and I got my hair cut. My mom took a picture of it but my hair is dark, I am standing in front of a dark tree, and it was getting dark outside. Needless to say, you can't see much of my hair.
I guess as you get older you learn to make the best out of what you are given. You know, lemonade out of lemons and all that. Although if I HAD made lemonade I couldn't have stood to drink it without puking. But, anyway, it was an ok birthday. Definitely not the worst I can remember. I have my family-Larry and my girls and our dogs and lizards. What more could I really ask for?

My mom sent this to me in email and instead of forwarding it I am putting it on my blog! Please do the same for yourself if you have a blog...or email me yours. I would love to see everyones.





Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove the X from the ones you have not, and send it to all of your friends (including me.) This is for your entire life:

( ) Smoked a cigarette

(x) Drank so much you threw up

( ) Stolen a car

( x ) Been in love

( x) Been dumped

( ) Been Laid off/fired

( x) Quit your job

( ) Been in a fist fight (if you count fighting with your boyfriend)

( ) Sneaked out of your parent's house

(x)Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back

(x) Gone on a blind date

(X ) Lied to a friend

( x ) Skipped school

( ) Been to Canada

(X) Been to Mexico

(x) Been on a plane

(X) Been lost

( x ) Been on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington , DC

(X) Swam in the ocean

(x) Felt like dying

(X) Cried yourself to sleep

( x ) Played cops and robbers

(x) Played Cowboys & Indians

(X) Recently colored with crayons

(x) Sang karaoke

(X) Paid for a meal with only coins

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't

( x ) Made prank phone calls

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Made a snow angel

(X ) Danced in the rain

(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about

(X) Blown Bubbles

(X) Made a bonfire

(x) Crashed a party

(X) Gone roller skating

( x ) Gone ice skating

OK, here are the questions:

What time is it? 3:35pm

What is your full name? Loni Deann



Afraid of? lots of stuff

Most recent movie you have seen in the theater? Jackass 2....while 7 months preggo, thanks honey! what fun! (sarcastic tone taken)



Seen a ghost I'm pretty sure I have

Where were you born? Wichita


Ever Been to Alaska? No

Loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes

Do you plan to have any children? not any MORE children, two will do.

What is your favorite day of the week? varies week to week

Favorite Restaurant???? Marchello's

Favorite sport to watch? college basketball

Favorite Ice Cream? not a big ice cream fan, but the Braum's Reeces Peanut Butter cup sundae
I had a few days ago was pretty good.

Favorite Food: a really good Italian sandwich soaked in Italian dressing

What color is your bedroom carpet? wood floor

Favorite alcoholic drink? Amareto sour


Favorite nonalcoholic drink? cherry limeade

Tattoos? 1..for now

Body piercing? just the ears three times each


What is your favorite vacation spot Lake Lida (Vanessa Lida was named for it after all)


Ever steal any traffic signs? YES

Favorite Salad Dressing Italian

Favorite number 11

Favorite Holiday? 4th of July and then Christmas

Favorite sound? Vanessa's newfound sound..."huh huh huh huh huh" kind of like a quiet
machine gun


What do you do to relax? watch tv

How do you see yourself in 10 years? still married to Larry with a 14-year-old and a 10-year-old!!!!!!! having a career and a bigger house

Furthest place you will send this? on my blog so I'm not technically sending it anywhere

How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0

From whom did you get your last e-mail? Pam

What do you do when you are bored - Watch more TV

Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? ???

Who is the least likely to respond? Don't know

Who are most curious to see their answers? Everyone I send this to

Favorite TV Show? Project Runway or Amazing Race (I'm a reality tv junkie)

Ford or Chevy? Chevy if I have to pick one of those

What are you listening to right now? Natalie and Vanessa playing

How many pets do you have? 2 dogs, 2 lizards

The chicken or the egg? Chicken

What would you like to accomplish before you die? I would like to raise my girls to be good people, I would like to have a happy and successfull marriage, I would like to have a career that I love while also making a shitload of money!!!


People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don'tneed to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.

Natalie's Dance Performance

Too Cute!!!!

Best Friends

The end of the jazz dance...my favorite part of the whole thing

Dancing is hard work

The 6 little girls in her class ready to dance

Dancing Diva

A wonderful way to end every day

For the past couple of weeks, after we have read our 4 books and turned off the light, I have laid down with Natalie in her bed and we have had this conversation:

"Do you know how much I love you momma?"

"How much?"

"All the way up to the moon."

"Wow! That's a lot. Do you know how much I love you?"

"How much?"

"All the way to the farthest stars."

"Wow! That's a lot too. I love you so, so much."

"Me too baby."

I have to tell you, it is such a nice way to end our days. No matter how hectic the day was or how many times we got angry with each other, we are reminded at bedtime that we really do love each other so, so much. The first time Natalie said this I admit at least one tear escaped as we lay there. It was so sweet that my little girl wanted to express to me how much she really cared. I need to remember to do that more for everyone in my life...just so they know.

Check out my Slide Show!

"Oh. My. Goodness. It's a marshmallow eye-bulb!!!"

Is Halloween really over? Is time really going by that fast?

We had a nice Halloween night, but both girls were a little sniffly and sneezy. So I wasn't all that surprised when Natalie woke up at about 11 last night with a full blown cold. I was up with her until 2 when Vanessa woke up hungry. All together I think I got about 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I am a tired girl today. We all are.

As usual, Natalie cleaned up in the candy department. The neighbors around here are so sweet to her. There is a couple down the street that wait for her every year. This year the husband is so sick that he can't even get out of bed, but they had a special bag of candy waiting just for her. Then we went the other way to the couple who just absolutely love my kids. All of their grandkids live in other states, so they kind of adopted my girls! They have fish ponds in their backyard and a couple of cute cats, so Natalie LOVES going there. The porch light was off, but Nat insisted that we were going to try anyway. We got there and she was waiting outside for us with a TON of candy, a stuffed bear for Nat and an "I love my big sister" bib for Vanessa. Too nice! As we were walking home Natalie told her daddy and I, "Everybody loves me. They think I look pretty and they like to give me candy." Yes, baby girl, everybody does love you because you are the sweetest little thing ever!!!!! She has such good manners. She told everyone Happy Halloween and thank you. We only went to maybe 7 houses on the block (nobody else was home) and she came home with two pumpkins full of stuff. We are stocked up on candy for a while! The hit of the night for Nat was a marshmallow "eye-bulb" (her cute pronunciation). The joy in her voice when she found it in her mountain of candy was immeasurable. It made my heart happy to hear how excited she was. It really is the little things in life!

Hopefully everyone else's Halloween was as fun as ours. Without the colds!

Now, on to Thanksgiving!!

The thing about having kids

My babies have brought so much to my life. I have learned to change a squirmy babies diaper with one hand while playing barbies with the other. I have rediscovered my love of the Smurfs and found myself getting VERY into new cartoons, like Jack's Big Music Show. They have shown me how much I can love and care about a life that is not my own. And they gave me an excuse to have random, personal conversations with strangers at the store.

Yesterday I was at Once Upon A Child buying a used V-Smile game for Natalie (at $20 a piece new we will look for used ones thank you very much). They have a small area for kids to play while parents shopped and since I was doing Christmas shopping that I didn't want Nat to see I let her go play. There were two little boys already playing. They all had such a good time and were so nice to each other. When I had paid I went over to collect Natalie. At the same time the little boys mom was ready to go. The kids were having such great conversations that I didn't want to yank Nat away, and I think the other mom felt the same way...so we started talking. I had known this woman for a total of 10 minutes (and never even got her name ), but I did learn these things...
*she is having her third child, a girl named Genevieve
*her husbands eyes are very similar to the color of mine
*her first born is very laid back and easy going while her second is demanding and bossy
*she is glad she is having a girl because it is her last, which leads to.....
*she is making her husband get "fixed" very soon

I don't know that much about some people I have known for years! It was nice and very odd at the same time to stand there and talk to this stranger while our kids talked about the virtues of Chucky Cheese. I am nice to people at the store and I do tend to talk to cashiers more than the average person (that comes from working at Dillons in college and knowing how boring it is and also from my mom who will tell the person checking us out our entire life stories and why exactly we are buying the things we are. Off topic a bit, my wonderful mother once asked me while we were in line at Dillons if I had to "potty" because I shivered. I was, like, 15-years-old! Embarrassing!) So, finally we all had to leave. We said goodbye and it was nice meeting each other. How weird to talk like that and then know we will probably never see each other again!

So now, because of my kids, I have something in common with millions of women. It doesn't matter their skin color, or their age, or their income. It doesn't matter if they are married or single, gay or straight. All that matters is that we are all mothers and that, in itself, is truly something to talk about.

Only Natalie can get away with saying that!

***Last night, after we got home from a pretty stressful photo session at JC Penney's, Natalie and I were sitting together in the rocking chair. She had her arm draped across my stomach. Casually as can be she said, "Mama, do you have another baby in there?" I laughed and said no. She then patted my fat roll and said, "well, you have something in there!" Thanks sweetie. Nothing helps self esteem like your three-year-old telling it like it is!

In other news, Vanessa has learned to sit up by herself. She still occasionally tips over and that is pretty funny to watch. It's like slow motion and there she goes. But of course, now all she wants to do is sit! We have to be right beside her because of the whole tipping issue so we are doing a lot of sitting on the floor. I can't believe we are already hitting these big milestones. She has figured out how to get where she wants to go even though she is not technically crawling. I'm sure she will be before I know it. And then she will be walking and talking and well on her way to becoming a big girl. Where does the time go?

Not much else to talk about this morning. Vanessa didn't wake up during the night, but she got up before 7am. I don't know which I would rather have. I am just perpetually tired. I feel like if I had the chance I would spend the ENTIRE weekend in bed. Man that sounds tempting!!!! Too bad that our little world would fall apart if I did that. Larry is great at helping out, but when it comes to the girls, I am needed. I am the mom after all. And I guess that is how it should be.

Have a wonderful weekend.

I love me a good survey!

Three Things
Three things that scare me:
1:	elevators
2:	being buried alive
3:	ANYTHING happening to my babies
Three people who make me laugh:
1:	Natalie
2:	Carisa
3:	my mom
Three Things I love:
1:	my family
2:	my friends
3:	food
Three Things I hate:
1:	cleaning
2:	black licorice
3:	losing my patience with Nat
Three things I don't understand:
1:	how George W. Bush got elected....twice
2:	death
3:	religion
Three things on my desk:
1:	computer
2:	camera
3:	empty mini peanut butter cup wrapper
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:	typing
2:	watching "The Upside Down Show" with Natalie
3:	trying to decide what's for lunch
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:	travel all over
2:	watch my girls grow up
3:	LIVE
Three things I can do:
1:	drive with a consideration for others
2:	scrapbook
3:	make great pancakes
Three ways to describe my personality:
1:	sensitive
2:	caring
3:	fun (I hope)
Three things I can't do:
1:	whistle
2:	cross my eyes
3:	be positive 100% of the time
Take this survey Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

A picture from Friday nights party

Sorry this is so small. I stole it from Carisa's page. I just thought it was a cute picture of the two of us.

So I said I would finish recapping my weekend and here I am! Surprised? Me too!



Saturday night the family piled in the car and headed to El Dorado for a friend's wedding reception. Natalie had a fantastic time dancing. OK, her dancing is more like just running around in large circles, but at least she does it with rhythm!! We didn't stay for too long because it is a good 45 minute drive and we were ALL tired.
The reception was very low key and casual. None of the classic wedding type activities. There wasn't even a cake (and we had promised Natalie she could have some cake all day!). It was fun though, and what the bride and groom wanted so I guess that's all that matters really.
It was kind of weird because the guy getting married was my first ever "crush". He is the son of my parents friends and they live out of town. We would go out for the adults to party and the kids to play. I don't think he really ever noticed me, and I NEVER said anything about my crush. I was always too shy. He did write me a letter once a long, long, long time ago but I was to nervous to write him back. And then I was too embarrassed to apologize!
So now we are both married and happy. I guess fate really does know what it's doing. It is hard to realize that when you are young and want things NOW!

Vanessa is scooting herself around the living room and trying to get everything she is not supposed to have. All the while a big pile of her toys lay unplayed with on the blanket she is supposed to be staying on. Go figure! I guess I had better go stop her from chewing on my bra. At least it's clean!

***I wrote this last night and for some reason didn't publish it. Sorry Michelle!!!!

Since my blog has been a bit boring lately, I will try to spice it up some tonight. It is just going to be a recap of our busy weekend, so don't get too excited.

On Friday my mom watched Vanessa for the first time overnight. She took both girls home with her after a trip to the mall and Wal-Mart so Larry and I could go to an early halloween party at my friends house. I did pretty well saying goodbye, but this was my first time away from Ness for more than 30 minutes. It was kind of hard. I have no worries about Natalie out there. She loves to be with her Nana and Papa. I'm sure Vanessa does too. Why wouldn't they? They just get spoiled rotten the whole time!!


So, Larry and I went to the party. It was pretty fun and I got a little tipsy. I have not even so much as thought of drinking much since before Vanessa was even considerd, so one vodka shot, one jager bomb, and 3 or 5 Pucker and Sprites later I was feeling no pain! It was fun letting loose and being "young"again. My mind kept going back to my kiddos, but since I knew they were fine, and if they weren't my mom would call, I was able to relax and enjoy myself.


Sometimes I forget I am only 27 years old. I am a wife and, above all, a mother, so I mostly do grown up things, like grocery shopping, and changing poopy diapers. But really, it was not all that long ago that I was going dancing every weekend and having my own big parties. There is definately that part of me that still wants to feel youthful, spontanious, and crazy. Most of the time I keep it smothered down deep, but once in a while I just gotta let it out! Friday was a nice release of sorts. But I still really missed my girls. I always think I am going to get this great, full night of sleep when my mom babysits. And I always keep waking up when I would normally if they were here. It really sucks! I wake up and then think angrily to myself, "go back to sleep you idiot! You don't hear anybody crying! You don't have to feed anyone a bottle! You don't even have to get up just to cover anyone up and make sure they are stil breathing! JUST SLEEP!!!!" So, getting back to sleep after that is not easy. The only really great thing is that I don't have to actually get out of bed until I want to. I can just lay there and be still. And quiet. And it's really, really nice.



Ok, this got kind of long so I will continue the weekend recap tomorrow. I am feeling wordy (Is that a word?) so this could go on a while. And I'm tired. I have grown up things to do tomorrow like take Natalie to school and run family "errands".

Back to reality.

What should I be for Halloween?

Your Halloween Costume Should Be

Candy Corn

What Should You Be For Halloween?

Name Games

I was asked recently why we picked the names Natalie and Vanessa for our girls. I answered honestly, they were the ONLY names both Larry and I agreed on. It was the big argument through both pregnancies for us. When I was expecting Vanessa I would go through book after book and write down names that I liked. Larry would go through my lists and mark off any he didn't like at all. The only one that ever came back unmarked was Vanessa. Natalie was a bit easier if I remember correctly and I just haven't blocked it all out. Natalie is actually my favorite name. I love it. I find it so pretty and feminine. I kind of feel bad for Vanessa, like she got a leftover name. But I really like it too, also very pretty and feminine. And it grows on me more and more every day.

So I got to thinking why I loved those names so much. I really think it all goes back to my name. I have grown to accept and even love my name as I have gotten older. As a child, I really, REALLY didn't like it. Growing up my main goal was to be like everyone else. I didn't want to dress differently, or talk differently, or do my hair differently, or be named differently. I was told it was unique, I just heard DIFFERENT!! My name was constantly misspelled, and more than once I have been called Lori, or my favorite "Low-knee". Why in the hell would Loni be pronounce like that?!?!? But I think the biggest problem I had with my name was that if anyone actually did know anyone named Loni, it was a male. I hated that. "Oh, I used to know a Lonnie! It was an ugly old man though." Gee, great.

So I ended up naming my girls familiar, long, girly-girl names. Not many people mispronounce either name. They are not the most common, popular names now, and I like it that way, but they are not names people have never heard before. They are just two pretty names for two pretty girls!

Come on 'Hawks!!!!

Rock Chalk Jayhawk!!!!

GO KU!!

Beat the Wildcats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sleep deprivation, bananas wearing pajamas, and baby food

First of all, I am back to not being able to post pictures. I swear, computers are a pain in my ass. A necessary one, but still a pain.

Now, on to our lives. Vanessa has not once slept through the night since she was born. That is 23 weeks, 5 1/2 months, of interupted sleep for yours truly. I usually don't mind all that much. I kind of like that alone time we have at night since we very rarely have any during the day. But, it is getting just a bit old. I am tired. Really, really, really tired. I am just drained. I know in my mind that I need to do things, like clean, but getting my body to corroporate is another matter completely. I fanatasize about sleeping until I am ready to get up, not just until I hear little girl voices calling for me. Not that I don't love those little girl voices dearly and would be crushed if I didn't hear them. I just need a little sleep. Please!!!!

Natalie is doing well. She is liking school and dance class. She brings home the cutest craft projects from school. She painted a paper pumpkin the other day and is beyond excited to hang it up with our halloween decorations. Speaking of halloween, Natalie is going as a fairy. Her costume is beautiful. Her Grandma and Aunt Lesley found it at a little shop on Douglas. It is going to be so much fun dressing her up pretty. Vanessa is going to be a little butterfly. Too cute! Anyway, Natalie has found a new obsession. We got her a couple "Bananas in Pajamas" videos at a garage sale a while ago. She is seriously going to wear them out. She LOVES them. I had never heard of them before, but as the title suggests, they are bananas wearing pajamas. I think it's wierd, but how can you argue with the true bond of a three year old and giant pieces of fruit in clothing?

We have officially started feeding baby food to Vanessa and she loves it. She screams at me between bites because I am not fast enough for her. So far we have given her sweet potatoes, green beans, peaches, and applesauce. She has loved everything and is great at the whole eating business. I remember having to ease Natalie into using a spoon and the new tastes. Vanessa didn't need any easing. She was a pro from the start! Hopefully she won't be as picky as Natalie when she grows up!

Other than that we have been busy, but have had a lot of fun. Hopefully I will get my computer problems staightened out and will be able to post some pics of the family reunion this weekend. I have some really cute ones! Now, on to rest a little bit!

George W. Bush makes me sick

I read a blog of a woman who is going back to grad school to become a social worker. She is working with cancer patients in a very prominant hospital and recieved this email...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Colleagues,

Last week I sent information about the S-CHIP program which is due to expire on Sept 30th, the end of the federal fiscal year. Today, the House and Senate have worked out a compromise which is scheduled to be voted on this week. Once there is a consensus bill passed in the Congress, it will go to the president for his signature. President Bush continues to say that he will veto this bi- partisan, compromise bill in the name of fiscal restraint. The funding to expand the S-CHIP program by $35 billion over five years would come from 61-cent-per-pack increase in the tobacco tax. The expanded bill will cover an additional 4 million children (from 6.6 million currently covered to 10 million).
I am sending a link to the Kaiser Daily Health Policy Report for your review. If the bill is vetoed or expires on Sept 30th, millions of children will become uninsured and the patients you work with who are currently covered under your states S-CHIP program will be uninsurable if they do not qualify for Medicaid and their parents do not currently have private insurance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
It just makes me so mad. We can spend endless amounts of money on a war that is a joke at best, but we can't spend anything to keep sick kids insured. How sad is that? Bush made a stupid decision to attack a country for something that they did not do (I'm not saying Hussein wasn't a bad guy, he is just not THE bad guy we should have gone after at that point). Now we are putting so many resources, so much money, and most importantly, so many of our soldiers into Iraq that we don't have enough of those things here when we need them.
We are one of the American families that have struggled with the insurance question. Working at a small, family run business, we don't have access to good, cheap insurance. Larry and I aren't even insured. All we can do is hope and pray we don't get sick (knock on wood). I am so scared Bush is going to screw us all out of any insurance before he leaves office. I am counting the days until the next election. I can't wait to get this man OUT OF OFFICE.
Please do not think I am "unAmerican" or not patriotic. I love my country and what we stand for. And that is exactly why I am so against Bush. He is ruining so many things that it will be so hard for whomever takes his place to correct them. I am worried about the economy, foreign relations, education, the environment, health insurance, taxes, people's right to privacy, etc.... I basically feel very let down by this administration. I CANNOT believe they were elected twice. We need someone who is more interested in the good of the whole country instead of just a small portion of it. I don't know who that will be yet, I am still doing my homework on that. In general I distrust politians, but Bush tops 'em all.
(sorry for the political rant. I just had to get it out.)

The flu just won't leave us alone! The girls and I are ok, there are just a few residual effects that I won't get into here (you're welcome!!). I was very hopeful that Larry wouldn't get it at all. He tends to get sick less then the rest of us. But last night, all of a sudden it hit him hard. So now he is sick with this stupid crud. The worst parts only lasted for about 24 hours for the rest of us and I hope it is the same for him. Get it all over with and then we can have a relaxing and recuperating weekend.

In other news, on Wednesday my sister-in-law Lesley had her sonogram and found out she is having a little boy. She really wanted a little girl I think, but she is getting excited about a boy now. I told her that after carrying the baby, laboring with the baby, and delivering the baby it could come out a rat and she would still love it and think it was adorable. So I am having a new nephew that will be named Brayden Thomas sometime in early February.

I will end this with some pictures. Have a great day and weekend!!

Here are a couple from Sedgwick County Zoo

Here we are at Rolling Hills in Salina

At the Fair!

Dance Class

The girls with my grandparents

YUCK!!!!

The flu has invaded our house with a vengeance. And I can't tell you how gross it has been. It really all started Saturday with Vanessa. She puked 5 times. I couldn't believe it at first. She is only 20 weeks old, way too young to have the flu in my opinion. At first I tried to convince myself it was just a really bad spit-up episode. I actually believed that for about a minute. Then I could see she didn't feel good and was just a little warm. Then she exploded again. All over me each and every time. It was like she waited for me to be holding her and then let it go. I was so worried about her, I called the doctor Saturday evening. We took her off the bottle and just gave her some pedialite for the night and she finally stopped the puking. But then it started coming out the other end. Then Sunday afternoon, Natalie started up with the same thing. Two little girls just as sick and gross as could be. It was not a fun weekend to say the least. Natalie took it pretty well. (When she first started feeling yucky she asked me if there was a baby in her tummy. I guess throwing up will always be associated with pregnancy in this house thanks to me. I told her there was not and she asked if there would be. I told her that maybe when she got older. Then she asked if someone would put it there. I changed the subject!!!) They are both feeling better today, except they are still having "bathroom troubles". Now I feel like shit. I haven't thrown up and hopefully I won't, but I am drained and my tummy is in knots. Thankfully I made it through their worst days while I could still function properly. Now I am pretty useless. I have managed to keep them fed (although neither of them are eating that much), and relatively clean. I can't wait until 7:30 comes around...I could really use Larry here. Let's all just hope really hard that he doesn't get sick too. I really couldn't handle that right now.

Finally, some quiet time

It has been so long since I had a minute to sit and write. We have been busy, busy, busy. It has been a very fun week though. We have had a great time and the girls have been very good (for the most part). We spent 7 hours having a great time at the fair. The only thing that we missed doing was watching the pig races. We kept forgetting about them and when we finally got over there they were over for the day. Bummer for Natalie and me! We also had Natalie's first dance class. It was SO cute. The little girls shuffled and walked like butterflies and began learning left and right. Nat had a great time and did really well. She gets distracted sometimes, but come on, she's three!
Other than being so busy our lives are pretty normal. Which is good. I am glad it's the weekend. I really enjoy it when Larry is here to spend the days with us. He helps me a lot with the girls which is a welcome relief, but we also just have a lot of fun. He is a great daddy and is very hands on and involved. I really couldn't have picked a more perfect person to have kiddos with. I know people that don't feel like that..and you better believe I appreciate the kind of father he is. My kids are my life, and feels the same way.
Well, I knew alone time couldn't last forever. Natalie just got up and is meowing to get my attention, so I think I will go play kitty cat for a while. What a great way to spend a Saturday morning!