Sniff, Sniff, Cough

My poor baby Natalie is sick. She has had the sniffles since this weekend, but nothing really bad. Then last night she came and climbed into my lap, snuggled into my shirt, and said those words that I dread, "Mama, I don't feel very great." That is when you know Natalie is sick. I could feel her warmth through my shirt so we got the forehead thermometer and sure enough, 101.3. She started coughing so much that I thought she was going to throw up on multiple occasions. At one point I asked her what hurt exactly and she thought for a minute and came up with this answer: "I feel like I ate a big yucky burrito and it was too spicy and now my nose is sick." OK? So we are dealing with a lot of snot, a sore throat, and a hacking cough. I called her in from school this morning. I hate when she misses anything. And tonight is her preschool's open house. If she is feeling better and the fever is gone I might take her, but I have a feeling she is going to miss it. She was so excited about showing her Nana and Papa and Grandma and Grandpa her school. Of course she gets sick today!
Right now she is laying in my bed watching a video while Vanessa gives her various things off the floor. I went in there a minute ago and Natalie had a pile consisting of a book, a purple stuffed unicorn, an empty bowl, a stray sock, and a ponytail holder. What a nice little sister! And what a nice big sister to act thrilled about these offerings from her baby sis! So I am off to administer a dose of medicine and as Natalie would say, "tuck her up" in the blankets. Hopefully she will get some rest and this bug will pass quickly (but hopefully not on to the rest of us).

Weekend Project

A couple of weeks ago I went into the girls' room and boxed and bagged up every toy. This (tantrum) project was spurred on by two things. One was a fierce nesting instinct that I have had to suppress because I have been so sick. The second thing was the threat of divorce that I'm still not sure wasn't completely serious. The toys were beginning to take over our entire house. It was to the point that there wasn't room for the girls and their toys in the same room.

The plan was to get everything out to the garage where I could sort it and reorganize it without little grubby hands spreading everything back out again. I got a lot of it done last week, but not as much as I would have liked because, again, I was sick. This weekend I felt good and decided to tackle the mess. I went through every toy those girls have. I have three bags and a box of get rid of stuff and the rest all now have homes in tubs or the toy box. Everything is easy to find and get to, unlike it was before. I have a picture that I am half proud of, half embarrassed of (these girls have A LOT of stuff!). But here is the fruit of all my hard work of this weekend. I have to add that this picture was taken before I was officially finished and I ended up adding one more under-bed size box and two more shoebox sixed tubs...and I drew a few more pics on the labels!

I even went through each individual piece of Barbie clothing! It was a lot of work, but it was kind of fun for all of us to find toys that we had all but forgotten. The girls love picking out a tub and playing with the stuff and then putting it away to pick another tub. So far it is working out really well. And I have to admit I feel a great sense of accomplishment every time I look at all the labeled tubs holding all the organized toys.

On another note, I had my first "going into labor" dream last night. It was very odd and didn't involve anyone it probably should have! I used to watch All My Children when Natalie would nap (boy, that seems like a long time ago) and in my dream one of the characters was the one taking me to the hospital. I just kept screaming "I'M IN LABOR!!!" over and over again. I was hysterical. Hopefully the real thing won't mirror this crazy dream, it would be nice if I wasn't acting like a maniac and if my husband was actually with me!

Reclaiming my kid

***Update: Was sent to the hospital yesterday afternoon. Was told I have another UTI and was pretty dehydrated. Was given an IV (ouch!) and a few prescriptions. Am now feeling a lot better. Thank you all for your concern!***

When Natalie was born I made a conscious decision to be extremely diligent when it came to choosing the television she was allowed to watch. I always watched with her and usually chose shows like Sesame Street or Dragon Tales (gotta love some good 'ole PBS). As she got older she was allowed to watch a more diverse array of TV, but I was still on top of the shows that were allowed. Then Vanessa was born. I am embarrassed and sad to admit that my attention to the shows she watched became less and less. All of a sudden she was watching things like Sponge Bob and Fairly Odd Parents, both very funny, but SO not appropriate for my four-year-old daughter. As long as she was content and busy and I was able to care for the baby (or, on occasion, myself) I was ok.
As time went on she became more and more disrespectful. She began to use the word "hate" in every other sentence. She began to call names. She simulated violence. It got seriously out of control. And for the longest time I was all..."duuuhhh. Why is she so mean all of a sudden?" Well, just call me stupid (she certainly has). When I actually sat down and watched these "kid" shows I was appalled. There was Sponge Bob and Mr. Krabs trying to hide a dead body!!! There was Timmy Turner wishing actual harm on other characters. And some of the other shows that just happened to come on after an episode of her show were even worse! There was no educational value to these shows. There wasn't any lessons to be learned from the bad behavior of the characters. It was just awful. And not only was Natalie watching and reenacting these events, but Vanessa was beginning to take interest too.
I couldn't let my impressionable little girls be raised to think these things were alright. I was always so adamant that Larry not play any violent video games until after the kids bedtime. I would watch the soap opera that I used to watch with closed captioning and no sound and then turn the channel when things got the least bit inappropriate. We would tape shows that we liked and watch them late so the kids wouldn't be exposed to things we didn't want them to be. And all along I was encouraging her to watch things that were just as bad and actually aimed at kids!!! I can barely type these words due to my severe mortification. How did I become so blind to what TV was doing to my kid?
Now you can stick a fork in me, because I am done! I am not clueless and I realize I can't protect my children from bad things forever, but I CAN and WILL make sure I am not the one exposing them to these kinds of things. I thought it would be a fight to get Natalie off her addiction to Sponge Bob. My kid is just like any other when it comes to hearing the word NO and then wanting whatever it is even more. So I never said I was taking Sponge Bob or any other show away. I discussed it with Larry and together we are just not turning that on. I mean, we are the adults, we do have control over the remote! And really it hasn't been that bad. She has asked if it was on a few times but, even if it was, we have said no. I don't feel like this is lying to her, but if it is, I am ok with that. As a result she has rediscovered some of her favorite shows. A big hit right now is Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. We have a few videos and I let her watch an episode or two and she is happy with it. She asks for Noggin or Sprout or PBS Kids (doink...you get that if you watch it!). She also watches less TV since I have become the remote Nazi. The girls play dolls together or store (although Vanessa isn't good at that one yet and Natalie always gets frustrated that she won't buy her stuff like she is supposed to). She plays a game on her V.Smile or runs around the backyard. She reads books and makes up silly songs. And she is happy.
We are still working on undoing the harm that my inattention to TV did to her. We are desperately trying new techniques to get her to stop calling names and showing her anger in more constructive ways then just telling us she hates us and wants new parents. Last night we sat down and read three books all about how some of her favorite literary characters handle their anger and then discussed them. It is a slow process but I am confident we will overcome it. She is a sweet little girl with a big heart and more often than not shows us all her good side. I am not expecting her to become an angel, she is my daughter after all. I just want to know that I am doing all I can to turn her into a the nice, caring individual I know she will be.

Quick Update

First of all, I'm not in the hospital. I kept my meager dinner down last night, but have resumed throwing up again today. I haven't felt a "contraction" since last night, but I do have quite a bit of abdominal pain. This just sucks. All I want is an uncomplicated rest of my pregnancy. I want a healthy baby. I want to be able to be there for my two girls that need me. I know it could be worse. And thank God it's not. Knock on wood.

Short but not so sweet

I don't feel good....again. I haven't been able to keep ANYTHING down for the whole day so I have become dehydrated. Because of that I have been having some mild contractions. If I don't start keeping some fluids down or the contractions become stronger or more regular I am off to the hospital tonight. Let's all hope that what I just ate and drank stays where it is! I really don't want an IV or, even worse, anything that turns into pre-term labor. This baby needs to bake in mommy's oven for a couple more months!

ps. I have the BEST Mom in the world. After work, even though all she wanted to do was go home, she brought me some food and then stayed to make sure I ate at least some of it. She also watched the girls while I took a shower! I love her SO much and have NO idea what I would do without her!

yyyyaaaawwwwnnnnnn

You know how early in a pregnancy you go through a very tired, run down sort of phase? That time where you just don't have one ounce of energy even though you slept all night. And then you transition into a phase that is more about eating anything and everything you see and you are no longer as exhausted as you were. Yeah, I've been through both of those. Now I just WANT TO SLEEP!! ALL THE TIME!! I am utterly exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. I laid down on Natalie's bed for five minutes and could barely bring myself to get back up. With the first pregnancy it wasn't that bad. I could always just go lay down for a while. With the second it got a little harder. Still, it was just me and Natalie and when she would lay down to rest or watch a movie, so could I. Now there are two little monsters running around the house, and believe me, they NEVER rest at the same time. It's like some kind of sisterly rule, "thou shall never be still at the same time". All I want to do right now is go lay in my bed right in front of a fan on high, curl up under the comforter, snuggle with my many pillows and sleep until I can't sleep any more (or, more likely, until I have to pee again). Even as I type my eyes keep wanting to close. It is taking all my will power to keep them open. So, if this post doesn't make any sense just blame it on my half-awake state. Yaaawwwnnn!!!

Where have I been?!?!

Sorry I have been MIA for so long. I hope I haven't lost any readers. I still check everyone else's blogs, I just haven't been able to write lately. I wish I could say I have been non-stop busy, but that is not truly the case. I HAVE been relatively busy with Natalie going to school and all doctor's appointments that we all have been going to lately. But really, I have just felt like crap for a couple of weeks. This pregnancy is slowly killing me. I am in a constant pain that we have realized we can not do anything about. I am STILL puking most days (I actually think I have been sick for the last few days but I seriously can't tell for sure). Both girls have been sick with yucky, snotty colds for a few days. So, yeah....woe is me, I guess.

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On to other things. I have so many pics to post. I have pictures from our Labor Day at the farm, pictures from our visit to the state fair, and pictures of our special pancake breakfast in the bedroom last weekend. So, without further ado....

Labor Day on the Farm

Here are two of my in-laws new mini-horses...or as Natalie says, "horses that are just my size!"

Natalie and her cousin Ryan walking through the pasture.

Big girl riding a big horse!

My cute nephew Brayden

Yummy BBQ dinner!

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The State Fair

Nana and her girls watching pig races

My beautiful girls.

"Driving" the combine

What a pretty girl!

Nat again

Blowing mommy a kiss from the merry-go-round

wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Weekend Pancake Breakfast

It is not often the girls get to eat breakfast in their bedroom. I made pancakes, set up their little table, and let 'em eat!

Pieces of Life

I haven't posted in a while. No real reason. Just a writing slump I guess. But I have been thinking of posts the whole time, so to get me a little bit caught up.....

Natalie's Pre-K class has been studying the five senses this week and last. They have covered hearing, seeing, touching, and tasting. When Nat came home after the tasting day she was SO excited to tell me what had happened in their class. They had a Gingerbread Man theme that day. They read a story, made a picture, and then made and decorated their own gingerbread man cookies. When they went down to get the baked cookies out of the oven they weren't there! Natalie told me all about the "gingerbread clues" that the class found throughout the school. And then when they got back to their classroom, there were the cookies waiting for them at their seats. "It was the Gingerbread Man Mom!! It could have been pretend, but I think it was REAL!!!" I agreed that it probably was real, of course. I think I am going to really like Natalie's teacher!

Vanessa had her 15-month appointment yesterday (yes, she is actually 16-months old, mama is running a little behind). The big news is that she is NOT GROWING!! She hasn't gained a pound since her 12-month appointment. She is still going strong at 18 pounds! She isn't even on that graph that tells you what percentage they are in weight or height. That means she is in the less than fifth percentile. The doc says we aren't going to worry....yet. It could just be her genetics (although I'm not sure who gave her such tiny genes). We are going to go back in two months and see if there is any progress. I asked what else it could be making her so small and he said that anything it could be would be so uncommon that we aren't even going to go there now. It's not like she was "normal" size up until now and then all of a sudden got small. She has always been a little girl. Natalie actually weighed an ounce less at birth, but chubbed up pretty quickly! Nessa just never got the chub. But other than her teeny tiny frame, she is healthy and on target developmentally!

The pregnancy is going pretty well for the most part. I am still in A LOT of pain most of the time, but we have kind of decided it is round ligament pain and I will just have to live with it for the next ten (or so) weeks. Fun fun. Sometimes I hurt so much I just lay on the floor. And of course if I am laying on the floor, I have two little girls who want to climb all over me! I go back to the doctor next Tuesday and then I start going every two weeks. We are getting down to the wire here with my LAST pregnancy. You can totally see little elbows and knees jutting out of my belly every so often. And she rolls and stretches, but she is running out of room!

Our dog Axel had his surgery and they removed the tumor. He is doing well, but won't leave his stitches alone. I keep telling him that if he rips them out he has to go back to the doctor, but he just won't listen. It is just like talking to my kids!

I still need to post all the fun pictures from our labor day BBQ at my in-laws farm, but for now I am going to go fix some lunch for us girls. We are all growing and need some good food!!! So bologna and cheese sandwiches, chips, carrot sticks, and watermelon here we come!

Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?

I have traveled to, and fallen in love with, many places. My parents always put a special emphasis on showing me the beauty and wonder that exists in so many different parts of this country. We have gone to Yellowstone and the Black Hills. We have done long driving tours of canyon country and the whole of Texas. We have gone North, South, East, and West. But never have I experienced the feelings that swept over me when I spent a week in New Orleans in 2002. Ok, so it was my honeymoon, which probably would have been pretty magical no matter where we went. But there was just something about that old, beautiful, mystical city that completely took my heart. And part of it is still there.


There wasn't really a lot of discussion when it came to our honeymoon destination. We aren't the kind of people who just wanted to lay on the beach. We are more the kind that want to explore history and architecture and the different landscape that comes with different places. So we chose to go to NOLA. And I couldn't be happier that we did. We had so much fun and did so many things. It was the perfect honeymoon for us. It wasn't necessarily relaxing like so many honeymoons are planned to be, but it was nonstop great.


Some of my favorite moments from the trip came from unexpected experiences. One day I decided that we should try to drive as far south as we could to see what was there. So we got into our rented Hyundai and took off down the highway. Of course we got lost almost immediately in a pretty rough part of New Orleans. We had to stop at this little gas station to get a map and then we were off again. We were minding our business, just driving southward when all of a sudden there was a police car, lights a flashin', behind us. We pulled into a parking lot and heard a loud speaker saying, "driver step out of your car." We were freaked out! Why would we have to get out of the car? Who did this policeman think we were? It turns out we were stopped because Larry wasn't wearing his seat belt. I guess it is pretty common to make the driver get out in a normal traffic stop there. After it was all over we found it hilarious, and still laugh about it today. So finally we were on our way south. We drove down the highway on the banks of the Mississippi. It was beautiful country. There weren't but a few other cars on the road, just us and lots of birds (and I'm sure alligators). Larry had to stop and pee (I'm sure he will love me telling that) and I have the best picture of him looking back at me with the Mighty Mississippi in the background. It is actually one of my favorite pictures from the vacation! Turns out there is not much to see at the end of the highway. There is a lot of marshy land and a small convenience store where we picked up supplies. But it was still wonderful. On the way back we decided to cross over the river in Plaquemines Parish, at the ferry in Pointe a la Hache. It was a tiny ferry that took us over the river into the depths of Louisiana. The things we saw, the people and the houses and the land, were so different than anything I had ever seen. It was so wonderful. So many people go to cities and only experience the "city". We wanted to know the area in a more personal way. And this trip did that for us. Even though it was very spontaneous and wasn't a typical tourist thing to do, it was amazing. I can't stress how much I loved it!


We toured plantations, went on swamp tours (on a boat and then also walking...by ourselves...with real, live alligators swimming inches from us as we walked the wooden boardwalk through the trees...did I mention by ourselves?). We hit Bourbon Street a couple times, drove to Biloxi, and went to the aquarium. And we went on the most amazing, wonderful, romantic, fun steamboat dinner cruise (thanks to my WONDERFUL Uncle Terry and Aunt Barb giving us the most wonderful, thoughtful wedding present ever) where we ate some dinner, drank some adult beverages, listened to some great music, and met Kyle Turley, then of the New Orleans Saints football team. We did so much in that week.


I won't go into how devastated I was three years ago as I watched Hurricane Katrina try to destroy "my" city. I won't go into the tears I shed or the excessive searching I did on the Internet, trying to find out if the people and places we fell in love with where still there. I am sitting here watching the news channels tell me Hurricane Gustav could be even worse than that. I am sitting here wondering if that city that captured my heart will ever have the chance to capture my daughters' hearts as well. I am sitting here being very sad. I realize that the placement of this fine city is horrible when it comes to being hit by huge storms. With the gulf on one side and Lake Pontchartrain on the other this big bowl of a city can fill up like a...well, a bowl. I just hope this storm stays away from NOLA. I pray that the new levees aren't even tested. But more than anything I am hoping that the devastation and the shitty way it was handled three years ago have taught our government AND citizens how to respond when "the big one" is headed our way. So far, it looks like we all have learned our lesson and hopefully the loss of life will be as minimal as possible. And hopefully in a few years when my girls are old enough to appreciate the city, we will travel back to New Orleans and it will still have that same feel to it that made me fall in love.

History in the making!!

Come November Americans WILL make history. We will vote either an African American man or a woman into office. How cool is that?!?!?
McCain just announced that his running mate is Alaska governor Sarah Palin. I was pleasantly surprised. I kind of thought he would go "safe" with his ticket. I am glad that he went against the grain and picked an unknown, young woman to make his run to office.
Although most of you probably know I am a democrat and was (and still am) a Clinton supporter who likes Obama very much and will most definitely vote for him, I find some solace that if the Democratic ticket looses come November we will have the first ever woman in office.
Times they are a changin'. And I for one am a happy American to be a part of it all. I urge you ALL to vote (even if you disagree with me!) and make your own mark in this historic election. Believe me, the generations to come will look upon this election as a turning point in our countries history. And we will be able to say, "I was part of that!"

"It's Real Life" - How I Roll

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One of the blogs that I check, and enjoy, daily has a challenge of sorts every Thursday. It is called "It's Real Life" and the objective is to take pictures of that weeks theme without preparing for the pics. That means no cleaning or arranging. This theme this week is "How I Roll", which, of course means I had to take some pictures of my Mama Van. It took everything I had to NOT pick up the various trash and toys that litter the floor of my big red minivan. But I didn't, I just took the pics and will now post them with some embarrassment. Be kind.

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I will start in the front. Notice the bead necklaces hanging from the rear-view mirror. Nat made those in Children's Day Out for me. I think they really add that finishing touch that leaves no room for questions....I am a Minivan Mom. The big blue sign of Natalie's name on the seat is to put in the window when I pick her up from Pre-K. The cardboard drink holder on the floor is from Wendy's.

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Now for the middle row. I have found that as a rule I must always have a couple of dolls on hand wherever we go. That is just how it is when you have two little girls. That is Nat's Tinkerbell backpack. I find it easier if I just leave it in the van so we don't ever forget it. I empty it when she gets in from school, take in various notes and projects, and leave the bag.
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Here, in the back row, under Natalie's seat are her school shoes and socks which came off before we even got out of the school parking lot. My kids are much happier with bare feet. They get that from me.
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The necessities...extra napkins and a few packages of club crackers. Oh, and the car insurance and registration stuff.
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The back window. I have been asking Larry to put this on my car since Christmas (yes, I could have done it myself I am sure, but it was the principle of the thing). I am glad he didn't put it on my old car because now it is on my van and the reds match so well, don't you think?!? I also have a chrome Jayhawk to put on the back and I am going to get a front license plate that says KU Alumni also. It will be all Jayhawked out!

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So there you have it. It is not as bad as it could be (or has been), but I would still like to keep it a bit cleaner. I can't wait to see everyone elses rides!

My poor doggy

We thought we were just taking Axel in today to get his nails cut and a little bump on his leg looked at. Well, turns out that bump is a tumor and it needs to be removed SOON. They said if it gets any bigger they might not have enough skin to close it back up. So he goes in next Tuesday. The vet said it might be cancerous, but we really can't afford to have it tested or anything, so I guess we just won't know. That worries me because it also means we won't know if we should be looking for more. I know I complain about my dogs a lot and there have been times I might have said I wish we didn't have them....but I do love them and care about them very much. I don't want anything to be seriously wrong with either one of them. So, we will do what we need to do to the best of our ability to make him all better. Let's hope his surgery goes well and it takes care of everything!

What I did on my first day of Pre-K

by Natalie, age 4 1/2

*Nothing.

*Well, we did line up to go outside.

*And they passed the juice around and I got to pour my own. Teacher said not to pour too much because it would leak and mine leaked but only on my napkin.

*We sang a song where we put our arms up in the air like this...

*And we read a story with a blue cat and a purple horse.

*And I asked the teacher if I could paint and she said yes and I wore an apron and painted a beautiful picture like in a museum, but I didn't bring it home.

*A girl wanted to swing outside but there were too many people but then she did swing and I wanted to push her so I did and the teacher kept saying, "get away from the swings".

*I don't remember what we had for snack. Maybe teddy grahams, but they were bunnies. But I don't remember.

*And I played with play-dough. That was my favorite...and painting was my favorite too.

"Did you have fun?"

Yeah, it was a little fun.

"Are you excited to go back?"

Do I get to go back right now?!?!?

Sunrise, Sunset

"Sunrise, Sunset. Sunrise, Sunset. Swiftly flow the days. Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers, blossoming even as we gaze."

-from Fiddler on the Roof-

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My baby started Pre-K today. I know, I know....no big deal, right? Kids go off to preschool everyday. But I can't help it. I still feel like crying. She looked so old walking into her classroom in her new outfit and her new tennis shoes, carrying her big Tinkerbell backpack. It took all I had to stand back and let her start this new chapter in her life. She put away her bag, stood in line, washed and dried her hands, and found her name tag....ALL WITHOUT ME!!! I just kind of stood to the side and watched her be a big girl. When she came over to me and gave me "the biggest squeeze she has" I knew that when we let go I would leave and she would be a part of a class. She is a sweet, friendly girl that will make friends and learn new things and realize that the world has so much to offer outside of her mama's embrace. Of course, this is what I want for her. I have been raising her knowing that everything I was teaching her was to get her ready to live in a world that didn't include me at every turn. And now she is using those lessons and learning new ones that I couldn't even begin to teach her here at home.

I am not the only one that is a little sad today. When we got back into the van after saying goodbye, Vanessa just kept looking back at Natalie's empty car seat. And now that we are home she has just kind of been following me around. Before long, I know that we will get into our own little routines and probably enjoy this time in the mornings just for us, but right now it seems so quiet. It has been about a month since Natalie finished her children's day out program. That was one day a week for the morning and for some reason it didn't seem so real to me. It was like a play date instead of the beginning of her schooling career. Does that make sense? It does to me. So, anyway, I am going to go and wait until the time comes that we go to pick up our big girl and find out how school was and what they did. I'm sure they are having a blast! As sure as I am that later today the big girl who didn't need me earlier will curl into my lap, wrap my arms around her, and be that little baby who just needs a little mommy comfort. And you can be sure I will give it to her (and LOVE it).

The Paper and the Nose

***A real-life fairytale***

Once upon a time there was a very silly girl who liked to do very silly things. One night, right before bed, she decided to try to put some paper up her nose. She found out very quickly that putting the paper up her nose was easy, it was retrieving the paper that proved to be more difficult.
She went to her Mother. "Mama, I put paper up my nose and now I can't get it out."
"Why would you put paper up your nose?" her Mother said.
Together they went to the little girl's Father. Her Mother thought they should go to the emergency room so they didn't make the problem worse trying to fix it themselves. But the Father was brave and crafty and knew that he could save the day. So armed with nothing but a flashlight and a pair of tweezers he went to work.
The Mother again asked, "Why would you put paper up your nose?"
After three valiant efforts, the Father finally pulled a small wad of paper out of the silly little girl's left nostril. Everyone was relieved and happy that a trip to the hospital would not be necessary. The Mother and the Father told the little girl that she was NEVER, EVER to put anything up her nose ever again. Ever. The little girl promised that she would not and her Mother took her back to bed. As the little girl climbed into bed her Mother asked again, "Why in the world would you put paper up your nose?"
The little girl contemplated the question for a second and said, "Well, I found it on the floor."
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The moral of this real-life fairytale is this: If you find a piece of paper on the floor remember that there are many things to do with the paper. But for goodness sakes, please resist the urge to put it up your nose!

Still alive and kickin'

I don't have long...just wanted to let you all know I'm still here! I have a ton to post, but just can't find the time to do it in. I have been sick for a few days (I think. It is really sad when you throw up seven times in two days and really don't know if it is sick or pregnancy). And Nat starts Pre-K on Monday so this week has been packed with things to get ready for that. Sleeping is going better. They are both laying down in THEIR OWN beds and going to sleep at night!!!!! I really want to expand on that and all the school stuff that has been going on. Hopefully I will get a chance soon. Maybe tonight if bedtime goes well again. We'll just have to see. I am not going to count any chickens before they hatch! Now, off to work!

On a positive note

It is Friday (THANK GOD) and I am really, really trying to think more positively today. That means no boo-hoo post about how bad bedtime and nighttime went (although I could crank another one out today). Today it is just the good things!

*We figured out that Vanessa's crib mattress could be lowered another two whole notches, which hopefully means no more daredevil climbing antics from our tiny little gymnast.

*When Natalie woke up this morning Vanessa and I went in to greet her and we all climbed under the blankets and cuddled and laughed.

*Little BabyGirlThree is movin' and kickin' in there. The flutters of last month have turned into full fledged beat downs inside my uterus. I woke up early this morning because I do believe she was recreating Shawn Johnson's floor routine in there. This is my favorite thing about pregnancy. I just feel so connected with the baby, just her and I know what's going on in there!

*My wonderful (and brave) Mom is taking the girls to spend the night tonight. While I will worry the entire time about how they are treating her and how bedtime will go, I will TRY to relax and enjoy a night with just my hubby and I. I'm not sure if we are doing anything special or just hanging out here at home. I don't even care at this point. I just think we need some "us" time.

*Still loving the Olympics! It makes the nights when Vanessa stays up till forever a lot more bearable. At least there is something good to watch! I loved gymnastics last night...way to go USA!

*My Mom just called and her doctor's appointment went GREAT!! There was a tiny bit of concern, but it all came out fine and she is in good health!

So there you have it. My own little ray of sunshine all over your computer screen. And you know, it made me feel a little better. It is hard to be unhappy when you think of all the good things going on in your life. It all could be so much worse! Thanks for hanging in there with me. I have no doubt next week is going to be a better one. Thank you all for your advice and kind words. You have no idea what it means to me to have such great friends and family. I am one lucky girl....I just need to remember that when I don't feel all that lucky.
Now, off to the doctor's to take my glucose test!

You know you wish you were married to me...

I have a wonderful husband. Here is our "conversation" after Vanessa finally passed out in my arms around 11:30 last night.

Me: (voice starting to shake a little) I just don't know what I'm doing....
Me: (voice now gives way to sobs) WRRRROOOONNNGGGGG!!!!!!! *sob, sob, gasp, sob, choke, sob*
Larry: (opens mouth to try to answer)
Me: Why can't I *sob, sob* get her to go to sleep? *sob, gasp*
Larry: (still trying to answer)
Me: She was tired! *sob, gasp, cough*
Larry: (nods)
Me: What are we going to do? *sob*
Me: What are we going to doooooo? *sob, gasp, sob, cough, sob*
Larry: (at this point he might have actually gotten to say something, but I didn't hear it because I had my face buried in a pillow)
Me: I'm going to bed.

So, yeah, bedtime didn't go great again. I was a lot more relaxed through the whole process though, and only really broke down after Vanessa was asleep. I just don't know what to do. She goes to sleep completely, but as soon as her back hits the mattress she wakes up screaming. We even tried letting her cry it out. I am not totally against this tactic...we used a form of it for Natalie when she was little. But I can't let them cry for long. I just can't. So I went to check on Vanessa after maybe ten minutes last night and she was sitting on the railing of her crib. Up till this point she hasn't tried to climb out. I am so lucky I went in when I did because it looked like she was going to jump forward, but luckily she looked over at me and fell backwards into the crib. She began howling!!! And that was the end of that. I don't even want to imagine what would have happened had she gone forward. We are going to check tonight when Larry gets home to see if the mattress can be lowered anymore.
I'm not going to worry about it tonight. I am going to put Natalie down at her bedtime and then just let Vanessa go until she can't go anymore. My Mom is supposed to be watching the girls Friday night, but I don't want her to have to stay up all night because Vanessa won't sleep. She says it's ok, and that it is only one night and she can handle it. I just feel bad. But a break sure would be super!
Enough of my boo-hooing for today. I wish I could write something happy and cheery and upbeat, but I'm just not in the mood. Maybe later...or tomorrow...or when the girls are all 18 and are moved out.

As the panic sets in

Maybe it's just because we had a horrible day yesterday. Maybe it's because November just keeps getting closer and closer. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones. Maybe it is everything all rolled up into one big ball of scary.

I am starting to get VERY worried about how I'm going to handle having three kids. Three...as in more than two, which is how many parents there are in the house. This means that we will be outnumbered. Holy crap. What the hell am I going to do?
It all kind of hit me yesterday, otherwise known as the "Day All Hell Broke Loose". From the start it was a bad day. I was in a crappy mood, left over from my Monday blahs I guess. Whatever it was, I was impatient and snippy and not a very fun mommy to be around. My girls sensing how bad a day I was having got together and decided to give Mom a break and be perfect angels all day....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! No, really, they decided to be on their absolute worst behavior imaginable. Natalie was all sass and back talk. She wouldn't do one thing I asked of her, even if it was to go outside and play. Nope, nothing doing. She was adamant about staying as close to me as possible while screeching and whining and basically acting like a 2-year-old. Vanessa was clingy and irritable. She wanted me to know what she wanted without actually telling me. Maybe she thought I had developed ESP overnight. She would scream at me in what I'm sure were words only deemed appropriate for sailors (and I truly think if the sailors could understand what she was saying some of them might even blush). There was nowhere to hide. I couldn't get away from these two little hellions. And to make matters so. much. worse, Vanessa wouldn't sleep. She was tired, there was no question about that, but she wouldn't lay down and take a nap. I tried everything. Of course she ended up passing out way late so it would totally screw up bedtime...which it did. She didn't go to sleep until 11pm last night. We had started bedtime rituals at 8:30. Talk about a long night after a long day.
So, with all this craziness with my two beautiful little girls yesterday, the one thing that someone said to me was, "just think, pretty soon you will have three!". Way to kick me when I'm down. It seems like every time I complain about a bad day or my kids are running in two different directions away from me or I am telling one girl to just leave the other ALONE I have to hear someone remind me that it will just all get worse in a few months. Thanks. I think I get it. Three kids is harder than two. Yep. Makes sense. Is that really what people think you need to hear when your two kids are driving you nuts? That it can only get harder? Yeah, I think not.
Last night as I was desperately trying to get Vanessa to lay down quietly and Natalie was crying because, apparently, only I can lay in bed beside her the correct way, I was totally freaking out. How am I going to manage all three girls? Larry does what he can, but the girls want me. How am I going to be in three separate places at once? Right now I have to put Vanessa to bed first in any way possible, and then I have to go read to and lay with Natalie. If one doesn't get to sleep and cries or yells the other one wakes up too and we have to start all over again, but this time with one kid who is angry they are not first. Or that they are first. Or that they have to go to bed at all. At some point it just becomes chaotic and nothing good or productive happens. And I end up with kids awake at 11pm. That is just not going to fly when Natalie starts school in two weeks. At this point she can sleep in in the morning. Not so much when she has to be to school by 9:15. And then add a screaming baby into the mix.
I am sure everything will work out and we will be able to find some kind of routine that works for us. Just like we did when I was freaking out before we had Vanessa. But right now it seems more like a big black hole that I am falling deeper and deeper into. And if any of you moms of multiples (Andie? Michelle?) have any advice on how to get more than one kid to go to sleep please pass it along. I really need it!!! But please don't tell me it is only going to get worse...or I might just have to punch you!!

Completely obsessed

If I could realistically put everything in my life on hold and camp out in front of the t.v. for two weeks I would. Seriously. That is how into the Olympics I am.
I have always loved the Olympic Games. I remember being a little girl and watching with my mom. We would cheer for our athletes. We would do our own judging of outfits and uniforms. We would get so into it that it seemed we were a part of it in some obscure, removed way. And I guess we were. I guess we still are. After each event I would dream of competing myself. I would jump on my mom's bed, choreographing my own gold medal floor routine. I would go outside, put a stick on the ground and run as fast as I could to a predetermined finish line. I would stand on a box and pretend to cry to my national anthem with my little league softball medal around my neck and a bouquet of wild flowers and weeds. I dreamed of being that good at something. To be considered the best in the entire world. To prove it on not only a national scale, but an international one.
Now, as a mom, I watch Natalie gasp at the gymnasts flinging their perfectly toned bodies this way and that. I watch as she is mesmerized by the synchronized divers flipping perfectly together and going into the water without a splash. I explain to her the objectives in beach volleyball and why they jump so high and hit so hard. And then as I watch her do somersaults across the living room floor I no longer dream the Olympic dream for myself. I now dream it for my girls. My fantasies now have me cheering in the stands, watching my baby have a medal slipped around her neck. Her being the best.
The Olympics are about so much more than winning though. They are about representing your country. They are about competition and being a good sport. They are about congratulating even the last place finisher for even making it this far. They are about watching an injured athlete hobble to the finish line or land a difficult move. They are about bringing a sport that doesn't get a lot of coverage to the forefront, if only for a few minutes. They are about dreaming the impossible and the hard work that it takes to make those dreams come true.
So, until the closing ceremonies put a finish to the games for another four years, I will be watching. I will watch them swim and flip and run and jump and jab and shoot and hit and play for the top spot. I will watch them cry with happiness and disappointment. I will watch people become the pride of their country...win or lose. And I will love every minute of it.